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Post by JC on Aug 31, 2011 13:25:51 GMT -5
Hey this sounds like good news! He seems like such an awesome doctor! I actually kind of like the 2 month recovery window because at least it'll give you plenty of time to heal and not be in such a rush to get back to normal. Some of these docs that say you recover in a week is just bonkers to me. You are in such good hands! About the horse, that's such a hard decision and I'm sorry you have to decide on selling your horse. I totally understand how you feel. When I moved to DC with plans to go back to school I had to give my awesome dog away. I LOVED my dog but I knew it would be so unfair to him to just be locked up all the time. I wouldn't have had time for him. It does get better when you know your animal is in a good place and well cared for. You become at peace with the decision and you eventually feel better about it. So surgery is next! I like this guy! He's such an awesome doc! I'm happy for you Jess. I'm so glad you went to see him.
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Post by hellsbells on Aug 31, 2011 13:42:14 GMT -5
A week to recover is bonkers, but even laparatomy tends to be around 4-6 weeks. I like that he's being cautious, I just don't want to see you put your life on hold for longer than necessary. But you're a sensible gal, I know you'll do what's right for you. Exciting!!
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Post by jessabug on Aug 31, 2011 14:09:25 GMT -5
Yep! I'll have to ask him during my pre-op why the long recovery. I suspect it's due to the neurectomy, since a lap is something fairly simple that we all know of. I've read some things about it and I can see why recovery might take a while, for example sometimes urinary incontinence is a problem that resolves on its own. I've read a lot of differing things though, some saying that it takes no longer to heal and doesn't affect your body, and others saying that it takes longer. I've also heard that what the surgeon does with your endo can dictate your recovery time too (i.e. excising vs. lasering are very different). I'm not sure, I just know that's what he said and that I trust him and want to listen to him! His nurse also mentioned that it's not like my entire life will be on hold, there are things I can do, like I should be just fine to go back to school in 2-3 weeks but then there are other things that he is stern about me not doing, like overexerting myself with heavy objects or attempting to exercise. That makes sense to me.
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Post by painttheseconds on Aug 31, 2011 20:44:42 GMT -5
Hey Jess. I'm so happy to hear your appointment went well. He sounds just the way I imagined he would haha. I'm glad he was able to give you some answers. It's so wonderful to have a doc who really understands and deals with endo everyday. Best wishes to you. I think after your surgery you will be well on your way to starting a new life. Brighter days will definitely be ahead.
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Post by karamelle25 (Linda) on Aug 31, 2011 21:25:03 GMT -5
I'm new here so haven't followed your story from the start but I do feel for you having to separate from Lily I'm so sorry about that. Perhaps the new owner will be close by and you can visit? You have a pain free future to look forward to and that's amazing! Thank you so much for your detailed visit with Dr. Redwine. I sent in my medical records to him last week and am waiting for a reply.
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Post by jessabug on Sept 1, 2011 1:41:48 GMT -5
Thank you Nichole! I know you have a little Dr. crush on Dr. Redwine! ; ) Tee hee. It felt sooo amazing to finally see a doctor who would sit there and confidently answer every question I had, and it also feels so wonderful to finally have the peace of mind that I am in good hands! Hi karamelle! Thanks for posting and HI! Sorry I haven't been keeping up with the newbies, the past week or so here has been very hectic and will probably continue to be, unfortunately I hope you saw my post on your new thread! Currently sad and crying right now lol. I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster from hell, one minute I've got my sh*t together and I'm like "what is there to whine about, I'm getting surgery in 4 months and then I get my life back!" and then the next I'm feeling like it's the end of the world, thinking to myself things like "my mom treats me like I'm a drama queen because this pales in comparison to her cancer, I'm losing my horse, and I have another 3 1/2 months of feeling like hell". I feel like I'm constantly flip-flopping and it's making me feel pretty disgusted with myself My mom really is dragging me down, though. I had a talk with her and really opened up about how I'm feeling, and she started doing this weird thing where like, she pretends to care more? Like asking me if I'm okay and stuff.. but the thing with my mom is I know her very well and I know when she's genuinely concerned and when she isn't. Not to mention the fact that she's started this thing where she challenges everything I say and feel like as a way to kind of negate the validity of anything she can, like for example she'll say things like, "ohh really honey? You're constantly plagued by swollen glands and fighting bacterial infection?" sarcastically when I'm asking her if I should circle "frequent bacterial infection" on Redwine's list of symptoms since I get sick almost every month, or "you do realize you're having ONE surgery, not two surgeries, right? It's two procedures in ONE surgery." And I feel like, okay, I'm sorry that I didn't prioritize my diction when talking about this stuff. Redwine is doing two individual procedures at the same time, so yeah, sure, that does technically make it ONE surgery. Maybe I'm unique but I didn't think that differentiating between "procedures" and "surgeries" was a super big deal since I had already made it clear that my surgerYYYYY would be on Dec. 13th so I assumed that when I went on to refer to them as "surgerIES" people would understand that I just was referring to the two different things that he's doing. But I hate how she talks to me like she's always implying that I'm being dramatic. I feel as though I'm about to say something really f**ked up but I just need to get it off my chest so here goes.. Honestly, I love my mom but I f**king HATE that ever since her battle with cancer she treats everyone else like they are ridiculous for reacting to the fact that they have any sort of health problem. I swear to god my mother is so lacking in compassion and it is so hard for me to swallow, especially since she's only been this way since her cancer. Now she treats everyone around her like unless you had cancer too, suck it up and stop being such a little bitch. I feel like the only way I will ever get empathy or sympathy or nurturing from my mother is if I get cancer too. And I think that's a really, really, sad way to feel about your mother. But I also think it's really sad for a mother to be so cold and unfeeling towards her own child who is in emotional and physical pain. I'm finding it really hard to love her right now, mainly because I'm feeling so cast aside. I hate so much how she's constantly mocking my feelings and my circumstances. Sometimes I feel like yelling at her, "okay, you had cancer, we get it, you f**king WIN! Now get off your high horse and re-learn how to give a sh*t about the people around you." Isn't that just horrible of me? Ugh... FYI girls, in case you can't tell, although I love her very much, my mom is the root of the majority of my emotional baggage. Thanks for letting me blow my wad of emo on you since I can't talk to her.
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Post by Karen on Sept 1, 2011 6:17:21 GMT -5
Ah, mothers have a way of doing that, I'm afraid.... Well, at least some do. I'm sad that she can't sympathize with you, particularly since endo acts very similar to cancer in how it grows. But, if you can't rely on her for support, you can rely on us! Even though you have a big plan in place in a few months, I'd still encourage you to look for other ways to manage the pain in the meantime. You mentioned uterine cramping before? Have you looked into pelvic PT at all? It could be things are all tense and jacked up down there, not allowing your uterus the room to be happy if you get what I mean. I guess what I'm saying is there may be some ways to find some relief between now and your surgery, which may make you feel more in control about what's going on and less emotional because you're not in as much pain, and your mothers support may be less important if you're feeling even a bit better. I've totally been there and its hard not to feel like a wreck when you don't feel good and others just don't get it! just my 2 cents. I have the mom-baggage, too...
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Post by ovarianmutiny on Sept 1, 2011 9:23:25 GMT -5
Just a thought on the Lily situation: (btw, very happy your appointment with Redwine went so well and seemed to show there's a light at the end of the tunnel!) It sounds like she's become very herdbound since you've been unable to work with her frequently. Is there any way you could move her to a different boarding facility so she would be with a new group of horses? That might decrease that problem. And of course, you'd be killing two birds with one stone if you free leased her for 6 months to a year, off farm. Someone might be glad to take her and work with her at a different facility, while allowing you to visit occasionally. The economy is rough right now but there are people who would take a horse on free lease, especially if you paid for the vet & farrier bills, and they were only responsible for feed and board. Just a thought. ;-)
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Post by 1234 on Sept 1, 2011 19:56:38 GMT -5
Hey Jess, I'm sorry about this. My mom is the one person/situation that can just reduce me to tears, also. Moms are tough, particularly with a disease that is a "women's disease". I feel that many women have swallowed what so many of us have been told about "pain on your period is normal" and other similar things, and so they devalue endo pain. I don't know. I'm so sorry though! Just keep blowing your emo wads. . Better out than in!
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Post by jessabug on Sept 9, 2011 12:20:07 GMT -5
Thanks so much for your responses on this girls, I really appreciate it. I'm sorry that it took me so long to answer, but I think at the time I was sort of at a point where I just wanted to crawl under a rock for a little bit to recoup! I still don't really feel up to talking about the hard stuff lol but I do need your HELP!! Preferably from all the lovely grown ladies here who are significantly more wise than myself. I have.. dun dun dun.. a relationship issue. And I think it might be a big one. As you ladies know, I have a saint of a boyfriend. He treats me like a princess and we never argue, except sometimes when I'm feeling irritable from my endo pain. Then he just buckles and apologizes (which is almost a turn off..?) We get along great, but lately I've had trouble describing us as a "happy" couple. I think I'm going through a young-adult crisis. First, I need to give you guys a little bit of background info: I'm one of those girls who is essentially perpetually in a relationship because I'm not very good at turning people down. Like I'll go out on a date with a guy because I feel bad not giving him a chance, and before I know it things have gotten so carried away that it's too late to back out. This wasn't the case with Jake, but still, the point is that the longest relationship break I've had since I was 16 has been like... maybe 4 or 5 months. TOPS. So I've never really given myself the opportunity to get to know myself and to enjoy autonomy; it's always been making plans with someone else, checking in with someone else, letting them know what I'm doing, making sure I remember to say goodnight, and I feel like I'm starting to resent that or something. The problem is, I'm starting to pull away from him even more now because he always talks about living together next year after I graduate, and getting married and stuff, but I'm just NOT feeling it. Not only do I find that a little weird because he hasn't even said "I love you" yet, but also I'm freaking out because I am realizing I'm not ready to settle down, and I feel even sh*ttier because I'm starting to wonder if I even want to be in a relationship period. I feel like I'm starting to resent the fact that I have to live my life in sync with him. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to have to text him, I don't want to have to make plans with him, and I don't want to have to tell him what I'm doing. There are times when I ask him if he can wait an hour before he comes over and he's like "Why? What are you gonna do?" and it makes me want to just flip out on him because I feel like I shouldn't have to tell him what I'm doing ever second..? Basically, girls, it boils down to this: Jake is not "the one" for me, and I'm starting to feel a strong urge to not have to worry about the responsibility and commitment of a relationship, but I feel like I would be a terrible person for breaking up with him because he's been there right by my side through all this endo crap. And it would be so much easier if we fought, and I could pin it on a fight we had, but we don't.. so it would kinda have to be like, "we have to talk. I want to be single." .... f**k. Girls, what do I do? What would you do? Shower me with your wisdom. PLEASE!! PS -- my mom is obsessed with him and I worry that she's going to be really disappointed in me for breaking up with him. EDIT: Another thing I realized is that Jake does so much for me, and I know that it's not easy to go through all of this with me, and I'm sort of feeling like it's not fair to him for me to let him go through this when I'm not feeling fully committed. I feel like he deserves better?
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Post by 1234 on Sept 9, 2011 14:32:57 GMT -5
I'm not sure if I'm a grown lady necessarily , but here's my two cents. You seem to me to be struggling with a lot of turbulent things at once, and particularly vis a vis your relationships, not only to Jake but also to your mom and friends, as well as also struggling with the new diagnosis of endo and trying (with an incredible amount of energy, cheerfulness, and stick-to-it-ness) to figure out teh best solution for you. You also (and I'm assuming here, since I don't really know you) seem to be dealing with a new experience, as a natural extrovert, of wanting (or feeling like you have to, since you don't feel sure of your place right now with people who are/were important to you) to withdraw and have some more time by yourself. I think before you make a decision of what you do wiht Jake (and certainly, you have some BIG questions to figure out), it would be helpful for you to try to figure how much of your current reaction against Jake is against him, or just part of your current internal struggle and is manifesting itself against him. You're dealing with a lot right now! New school year, looming surgery, new diagnosis of endo, new roommate and traumatic roommate breakup, etc. that being said, you can't stay in a relationship and have it really work if your main reason for staying is guilt. You have to build it on love and honest desire for the other person. But by the same toke, you can't justify your guilt about having endo as a reason to leave. I guess I'm encouraging you to think about whether your wanting to be single is part of your desire to withdraw a bit into yourself, or honestly an expression of not wanting to be with Jake. It feels to me, reading your post, that your emotions are all over the place, and predominantly you feel stuck. I'd also encourage you to think about why the fact that Jake hasn't said "I love you" is bothering you, when you also feel like you want out of the relationship. Talk it out here, Jess! ps--I'm sorry if anything I've said is offensive. I mean it all kindly--I feel for you in this!
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Post by jessabug on Sept 9, 2011 14:49:26 GMT -5
No, its okay Kristin, I appreciate your feedback! I think you're totally right about my emotions being all over the place. I think, ultimately, that's why I'm feeling so strongly that trying to maintain a relationship might not be a good idea right now? I'm up and down emotionally, and I'm also very all-over the place as well, feeling a whole bunch of different things at once. I'm just so confused! I think you might be really right also about my wanting to withdraw into myself. Well, withdraw might not be exactly the right word, but let's see if this makes sense: I'm feeling like I've totally lost control of my life in many ways. I'm struggling to hang onto my independence and my autonomy, and it's hard. It seems like maybe my wanting to be single is some weird way of me grasping at my independence. Almost like, I feel like I've already lost a lot, and I don't want anything more to hold me back.. and I think I feel that my relationship with Jake does that. I have to make plans around him, with him, I have to tell him what I'm doing, where I'm going, when I get home, when I go to bed, when I wake up... it feels to me like more of a chore or responsibility than something I genuinely want to do, which is I think what leads me to the conclusion that I don't want to be with him? I feel like if I really did want to be with him, wouldn't I enjoy his company and jump at the opportunity to spend time with him when I'm feeling good? Instead, when I'm with him, I want to be doing something else, like getting settled into my new room, or hanging out with friends, or reading a book. That doesn't really seem right, does it? Not to mention he deserves so much better than that...
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Post by jessabug on Sept 13, 2011 19:37:15 GMT -5
A quick update:
We scheduled my surgery for December 13th. The pre-surgery guidelines state that I will need to cease any form of hormonal birth control one month prior to my surgery, and two weeks prior I won't be allowed the use of anti-inflammatories. This will be a bit tricky, since my period falls around the 4th of each month and that also happens to be the week of my finals, but I'll have to find a way to manage.
For those of you who were asking, my mom got in touch with our insurance company (we have Blue Cross/Blue Shield) and 100% of the fees are going to be covered except Dr. Redwine's fee. That being said, my mom mentioned something about or deductible, which is supposed to help buffer the blow of Dr. Redwine's fee. It's all mumbo-jumbo to me, but essentially what she said it boils down to is that we can expect to pay a minimum of $4,800 of Redwine's total fee and possibly more depending on where we're at with our deductible. It's also important to remember that his fee can change depending on what he needs to do once he gets in there, $7,500 is just the minimum.
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Post by 1234 on Sept 13, 2011 20:08:34 GMT -5
Glad you have something of a plan. Those finals could be rough--let's hope your period delays!
How is it going with Jake?
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Post by jessabug on Sept 13, 2011 20:15:54 GMT -5
Yes I hope it does! I was thinking of maybe fudging up my birth control to try to make that happen.. but I also don't want to be on it during my surgery either, so I feel like I have to be careful! I'm planning on asking Kate at Dr. Redwine's office what she would recommend.
WELL... we broke up =/ He knows me so well that he picked up on my pensiveness, and started quizzing me on what was wrong, even though I had fully intended on thinking about it for a while as you had recommended. But he pretty much pried it out of me, and once the cat was out of the bag it spiraled from there, because understandably, he couldn't let it go and give me time to think about it. But believe it or not, I feel ultimately relieved and very good about my decision. I think it would have been wrong of me to stay with him. My romantic feelings for him were ultimately gone, and I finally revealed to my mom last night that I had kinda been questioning his sexuality which had been making things really difficult for me.. and believe it or not, she tells me that my WHOLE family had been wondering about that since day one. But regardless, he still means the world to me because he is such an amazing person and was there for me through so much. He's pretty upset over the breakup, but isn't holding things against me, and I think eventually he'll come around and we'll become close friends. I hope. It makes me sad to see him in so much pain, but I know that to stay with him would have been doing him a disservice. So ultimately, even though it happened sooner than I'd have expected, I still feel confident about the way things panned out.
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