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Post by mollyfin on Aug 11, 2011 8:39:38 GMT -5
erased out of worry
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Post by alivenkicking on Aug 11, 2011 9:03:31 GMT -5
if you two are able to maintain open lines of communication, maybe one of you could acknowledge you are both vulnerable right now because of your hormones being nutty and this is not the time to make any major assessments or decisions about the future of your relationship. do you each have other close friends/family you can agree you'll turn to if you can't be the support to each other that you're seeking?
it's hard on both sides, dealing with your own illness AND trying to support your partner through their own struggles. let this be your alternate support system, and remind yourself that it's not you, it's the hormones making you feel crazy! wishing you well!
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Post by JC on Aug 11, 2011 9:03:36 GMT -5
I think if you both take a break to calm down and re-address your feelings again then maybe you guys can talk it out. Just be honest with her. Tell her you haven't been yourself and that the medication you are taking has really messed you up. And I thought it was really sweet what you said about how you're scared you're going to lose the person you love most in the world. I think that she would really like to hear that. She may not realize it at the time that her actions are causing stress too, but if you open up to her and share your own experience she may be inclined to do the same.
I hope you guys can talk it out. These hormones really suck and can really make us crazy!
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Post by hellsbells on Aug 11, 2011 12:53:45 GMT -5
You have my every sympathy. I've recently learned that the only way to improve relationships is to communicate. And also that having high standards and expectations often leads to disappointment and frustration. She may just not understand what it's like for you, regardless of her own experiences. Just open up and talk.
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Post by JC on Aug 11, 2011 13:01:21 GMT -5
You know what's funny is when I'm feeling really hormonal and PMSy, I will tell my husband, "I'm really f**king hormonal bitchy today so it will be in your best interest to stay away. I apologize ahead of time."
HAHA It always works. He'll gladly stay away if I'm knowingly admitting I could snap at any minute. It helps me avoid unnecessary confrontation caused by wacky hormones. It's just best to be honest with yourself, and those around you. We really can't help it so instead of fighting it, just accept it and let it pass.
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Post by jessabug on Aug 11, 2011 14:59:34 GMT -5
Lol Jenaya that's awesome! Hahahah. I know how you feel, Molly.. I've never tried Lupron but my body is really sensitive to hormones and BCP's make me crazy. For years I struggled to maintain healthy relationships (with both boyfriends and family) because I was such a raving lunatic half the time. You know that crazy, burning sensation in your stomach where you're just so angry you feel like screaming until your face turns red? I felt like that about 60% of the time and often had no idea why. Or, if I did know why, it was over something assanine like the fact that my boyfriend left a cupboard open (it's a habit of his). It wasn't until last summer when I went off BCP's for the first time that I realized the connection -- because suddenly I was passive as punch and super easy going and easy to please! It was amazing! Anyway, my point is, I think that hormonal treatments like Lupron and BCP affect us all in different ways, and it might have a more severe affect on your mood than others -- but I think you should know that you aren't alone! As Helen, Karen, and Jenaya said, communication is key, and I think that if you sit your girlfriend down at a time when things AREN'T crazy and remind her that your treatment can really affect your mood, it might help things. And, as someone who's been there, I think Jenaya's idea isn't half bad. I wasn't quite as straightforward as that, but I would often tell my boyfriend that I was feeling really irritable and that we shouldn't spend as much time together that day so that I didn't risk causing problems. He was always very understanding, and it significantly reduced the amount of discord between us! Honesty and communication are really the most amazing tools I have learned to use in relationships. It helps to have someone who is also honest and open for it to work best, but still, it's worth it and helpful enough for you to give it a go on your own and try to get your girlfriend to learn to use those tools as well! Good luck  |
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Post by mollyfin on Aug 11, 2011 15:26:48 GMT -5
erased out of worry
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Post by Karen on Aug 11, 2011 18:18:32 GMT -5
I'm sorry you're going through that, particularly when you have other things in your body that temporarily take over your brain. It's not fair.
(On a side note, last week I was doing some research on the latest bio-identical hormone treatment I was trying, and I stumbled across a website for transgender men on hormone treatment. I read a whole thread about them discovering that on hormones, they cry a lot more, and how much relief they feel after they cry, and almost EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM said they hadn't cried in years - one since 1988!! It's the damn hormones!)
I echo Jenaya's comment - if you're in a foul mood again, admit it. Back in my teaching days, I'd tell my classes if I was sick or my back was out, and I'd specifically tell them that today wouldn't be a good day to test me. Even my worst of classes respected that and left me alone. People can react a lot differently if they know the circumstances behind it and are given a little warning. If you catch someone off guard, though, the defenses go up! I know it can't be done all the time, but it really works!
I really hope you're both able to wrap your head around what happened, what the big issues are, and how you can minimize them.
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Post by gemstone on Aug 12, 2011 6:32:57 GMT -5
I'm so sorry - sh*tty hormones! I always announce when I'm in a bad mood, to my boyf, my mum, my work colleagues. Saying it also helps me realise that it's not ME really. I am really up and down now as I've gone on the pill and appreciate that I am sometime a complete bitch. But if you want to work on it, you have to be honest and work through the problems. Good luck |
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Post by mollyfin on Aug 12, 2011 6:44:41 GMT -5
erased out of worry
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Post by JC on Aug 12, 2011 12:39:53 GMT -5
Aw I'm so sorry. I guess there's only so much you can say. At this point, it's up to her to decide what she wants to do with everything you've said. Maybe she just needs some time to gather her thoughts?
I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I totally believe that hormones can really cause a lot of problems and it's just not fair.
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Post by painttheseconds on Aug 12, 2011 13:09:20 GMT -5
Hormones do cause issues and I think most of us can testify to that. I can only echo what the other ladies have been suggesting. I know myself the best and I know when I'm acting like crazy psycho insecure girl or whatever other variation you can imagine. I've told my boyfriend, friends, and family when I'm not in a great mood and don't feel like being around anyone. For the most part they've been very appreciative of my honesty. It's not easy, but communication and being honest about how I'm feeling is what has helped most. I used to stuff down my feelings and emotions, then eventually I would blow up on someone about things that happened months ago. Not exactly healthy. I'm sorry your friend isn't being very understanding. Maybe she just needs some space to digest everything. Just know we are here. This is a very supporting space. Good luck. |
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Post by alivenkicking on Aug 13, 2011 10:15:21 GMT -5
Go with your gut! Sometimes with two women in a relationship, we can talk ourselves to death. Not to minimize the importance of open communication but I've been in long term relationships w both men and women and the dynamics can be sooo different. I'm not saying I think you should or shouldn't do one thing or another, but I've learned the painful lesson that sometimes love isn't enough to keep two people together. Soon enough, you'll know in your heart the best thing for you. In the meantime, I hope the two of you can have some time in which you remember why you fell in love in the first place!
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Post by mollyfin on Aug 13, 2011 11:27:51 GMT -5
My gut still says she's the right person for me. But...what difference does it make if she doesn't?
I just feel completely hopeless about everything. It's funny. I spent so many weeks worrying that I was going to get a death sentence, and now I wish I had.
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Post by mollyfin on Aug 13, 2011 12:38:30 GMT -5
Right now I'm so messed up from the stuff I called a suicide hotline in desperation. I was put on hold. sigh. It would be funnier if I wasn't so damn sad right now.
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