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Post by cherry on Jul 12, 2010 4:38:42 GMT -5
All is well so far. I did have a nightmare about him the other day but it doesn't count as contact haha.
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Post by Karen on Jul 12, 2010 6:29:09 GMT -5
Ah, good!
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Post by lizzylou on Jul 12, 2010 7:35:25 GMT -5
how long has it been now?
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Post by cherry on Jul 14, 2010 8:01:37 GMT -5
About 2 weeks? So not much time has passed but it's a milestone I guess. It's like every minute that passes I unclench a little more. His birthday is coming up but I'm hoping I'm just reaching by thinking he'll try to contact me then.
Let's all pray that I'm just being big-headed!
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Post by pretty on Jul 14, 2010 19:11:43 GMT -5
Yeah girl, you need a distraction.... I hope you get one too, but if not, keep up the good work. Even if you obsess about him 24 hours a day, but you don't contact him or accept his contacting you, it amounts to the same thing as if you were confidently striding though your life, taking no prisoners. He doesn't need to know. To him, you're over it. Keep it up girl!
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Post by Karen on Jul 14, 2010 21:46:44 GMT -5
I've done that, too - wonder if I'll hear from someone on a significant day. But, Pretty is right - very good observation!!! Even if you're thinking about him, he doesn't know that! Ha ha, the beauty of our own thoughts - not everyone else can read them!  |
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Post by lizzylou on Jul 24, 2010 9:22:11 GMT -5
So how's it going?
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Post by sunshine78 on Jul 24, 2010 17:02:31 GMT -5
Proud of you for not breaking your resolve. If he contacts you, just remember what a c0cksucker he was to you, and it'll piss you off, at which time, it will be that much easier to tell him to go bugger himself.  |
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Post by cherry on Jul 25, 2010 4:52:33 GMT -5
Aw pretty that is a great way of putting it, and I feel like 90% of the time I am striding through life, and then I have odd moments where I miss having someone to do stuff with. I just remind myself then that these mundane things weren't loving and comfortable so much as forced and fraught with tension that he'd lose his rag and say something vile.
Still no contact, and my facebook is now gone too. He has my email address though. I tried to get time off work to be away from home, from his birthday til the Monday after (he will likely go out celebrating with friends on the weekend, and may turn up on my doorstep drunk) but I couldn't get the time off. We'll see how it goes.
The funny thing is sunshine, when he calls and tries to make me all tender by recalling 'good' memories, all I can remember is the tension and pure misery and then I get angry at how he took advantage of my laid back nature (yeah I used to be a lovely quiet girl with no guile) and I end up either telling him coldly that he's holding me up (at 2 hours per conversation, he makes me late for work or the gym) and earlier on I used to end up shouting at him. I hate making him cry but again I remind myself that he's crying for what he can't have, and not out of shame for the pain he deliberately inflicted to keep me in line.
Unfortunately I get weird over people who hurt me. I know it's a self preserving reflex but I end up looking at it all in the 3rd person perspective. Like with my mum 'how could a mother beat her child for no reason, how could a mother say that' and now I do the same with my ex. I'm sure it's preserving my sanity but it means that I feel over it all and almost like it never happened at all (I have moved on so much in the 4 months or so since I black bagged him) which is not normal or healthy I'm sure.
I know I could never make him happy, and it took years of him telling me that to realise it myself then longer still to realise that our interactions were the source of my depression... here's hoping he just leaves it well alone now.
Sorry to bleat on. I think I annoy my best friend when I bring it up now cos I get all flarey nostrilled and righteously indignant (in a 3rd person way like you would over animal rights) about it and its long past now. And as you can see I'm a waffler so I try to stick to lighter topics when I see her now!
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Post by hellsbells on Jul 25, 2010 5:27:41 GMT -5
I've said this before, but you're an inspiration!
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Post by lizzylou on Jul 25, 2010 8:25:15 GMT -5
You should be able to talk to your friends about non-lighter topics too. You are doing SO great! I'm so proud of you. Most women don't get out of an abusive relationship and you seem to have put it almost completely behind you!
GREAT JOB!
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Post by cherry on Aug 18, 2010 7:05:36 GMT -5
The little bastard has had a separate Facebook account for 2.5 years with a ton of girls as friends that I have never heard of, slobbering over his pictures judging by the comments.
I reactivated my facebook recently and he came up as a friend suggestion, but with a made up surname. I had to do a double take cos I realised the picture was his. I ignored it but sneaked a look today (I was jealous that he looked so damn good in his pics whilst I've piled on weight), and realised that while I can see all his profile pictures, they date back to Feb 2008, and he had added a new picture in April 2009. That stuck out to me, cos he was living with his friend and being the little party boy, I was very ill, mentally and physically and trusted him absolutely, despite the fact that we didn't have a very healthy relationship. As you can imagine I thought his criticisms of me were well deserved and I was very vulnerable at the time so depended on him to look after me. I though he was a f*cking angel. I was literally at my lowest ebb and he was leading a double life when I thought he was all I had.
The date he set up the account hurts me deeply too, cos it was the same time he'd ended our relationship based on the fact that he couldn't stand my being distant (I was having nightmares, literally day and night about flashbacks to abuse I'd experienced as a kid, and it was new stuff that I hadn't previously remembered so it was very disturbing for me). I was quieter and withdrawn as a result and he lost his temper cos I wouldn't 'snap out of it'. Jeez there was a big mess where I realised he was then using me for sex and he had been telling people we weren't back together, having pictures taken with girls sat on his knee etc I could beat myself up all day about what a mug I had been but I'm over that.
I understand from the timing that on some level that he couldn't cope with me. Why lead me along by the nose thinking I was safe with him despite the arguments. It makes me wonder whether he cheated, physically as well as emotionally. Do you know through everything, I never ever let him feel that he was alone, I told him I was always there. Even when I realised he was using me (2 years ago) and I told him we were REALLY over, he got depressed about our breakup and I was there for him still. I'm devastated because the foundation I thought I'd stood on for years has literally just vanished beneath my feet.
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Post by pretty on Aug 18, 2010 13:34:47 GMT -5
Let's all join hands for a rousing round of "the F*cking Pr%ck song"
Oh, what a f*cking pr*ck
He's truly a f*cking pr*ck
we knew he was one,
and now we still know,
what a f*cking a##hole!
(repeat)
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Post by hellsbells on Aug 18, 2010 13:55:40 GMT -5
Like I said, celebrate the fact that you got rid of the loooozerrrr!!
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Post by cherry on Aug 18, 2010 16:22:07 GMT -5
I am really glad Helen My feelings about it have developed like a grieving process in the 12 hours since I cottoned on to his little charade. I cried so hard (a favourite pastime that I indulge in once per quarter) then got such a sick feeling in my stomach, then I raged and now I'm resigned. I was right in my gut feeling about him, which wouldn't go away no matter how he portrayed himself as a prince. And sadly, I've realised I wasn't surprised, and maybe that's why I was so upset. Pretty I think I may write a radio edit of that f***ing pr*ck song, it's tres catchy! I'm so glad that my depression is mild now cos I would have gotten stuck on the crying jag had this happened 12 months ago. Chin up I tell myself. And get an STD screening. |
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