venting and need support....

[pamelaj]

Hi ladies...i havent really posted in a bit and here is why.

I started back to work full time, up at 5, out the door at 530 and home at 5. Sufferring severe depression(baby blues) and to top it off my pain is coming back.

I am now not only responsible for my work but am also doing everything at home with no help from hubby. He said "im not a mind reder, if you need help then ask". What? You cant see that you just walked through a pile of laundry? Im constantly tired and not sleeping all to well.

Last week i celebrated my 35th birthday(crying), figuring my hubby would get me something, i anxiously waited all day and when he got home from work...NOTHING!!!

I got no gifts this year so im assuming once a wife hits 35, her husband doesn't need to get her anything?

I feel torn between so many different places right now and not sure where to turn. Some days i just want to scream and others cry.

Brad said to me that since i've returned to work, i have become a b*tc*. Is it maybe because i've now doubled my work load? Work seems to be the only thing that is keeping me going.

I swear, i have the laziest hubby and child on the planet. Plus, im getting worried because i have this biopsy coming up and what if that shows something bad?

Thanks for reading my vent.

[Karen]

First off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was wondering why you've been so quiet lately! Well, first off, you have a lot of things going on right now. They say starting a job and having an illness are incredibly stressful, and you happen to have both of them going on at the same time! The uncertainty of the biopsy has to weight on your mind, too. I can certainly understand your frustrations and I'd likely feel the same way if I were you. But, when it comes to helping around the house, men aren't mind readers. I know you'd love it if he just saw the dirty pile of clothes and thought 'hey, I'll help out my wife', but he doesn't. A lot of men don't! Consider talking to him when you're NOT upset and emotional about it. A simple 'hey, I'm really struggling here, can I get your help?' might go a long way (fingers crossed!).

Have you considered seeing a counselor? Not just for this, but just to be able to get a healthier perspective on things? I'm certainly not implying that you need professional help, but sometimes when you're frustrated/upset, having an impartial professional set of ears can help! If that's not something you're open to, at least you have us, k?

[sunshine78]

Ack! Sorry your birthday wasn't amazing... the Horrible Hubby guilt should be highly profitable, at some point.

As far as the uncertainty of the biopsy, that's naturally going to be something that makes you edgy, at the very, very least. As far as hubby and his laziness goes, yes it is largely laziness, but consider this (I'm not making excuses by any means, but...): Many men can have literally NOTHING clean to wear, and rather than do a load of laundry, they'll search the bottom of the hamper/huge pile, and think that the pressure will have cleaned the clothes, by a certain period of time, or they'll go buy something off the rack, and either wear new undies out of the package, or go commando. I'm serious. It's bachelor behaviour at its worst, and that kind of behaviour is very hard to break them of. Seriously. I believe I told the disgusting kitchen story. And if he doesn't want to help with the laundry, just do your own, and when he runs out, he'll get the hint. Of course, since he's a man, he'll have to be reminded, which he'll call nagging, but if you don't remind him, he'll "forget," and go back to the bachelor behaviour. In which case, he'll just have to suck it.

As far as work turning you into someone who's not pleasant, all the time, ask your husband if he would be pleasant after coming home from a 12 hour day, only to have to climb mountains of laundry... without anyone's help.

I'd definitely wait until you're more calm, though, otherwise he'll just feel like you're attacking him, even though he said what he said.

Please feel free to vent. A lot. I've considered talking to a therapist, myself, just to have an objective ear listen, and maybe help me not be so easily pissed off, and feel so stuck (don't have the insurance yet, from either school or the Hellhole, so right now, I have my mom and my friends). Don't feel like there's a stigma. We all need a little help, sometimes. And if it was just a need to vent thing, that's cool, too. I know a lot of people, including myself, who feel A LOT better, and a lot less mentally unbalanced, once they get a good b*tch session out in the open.

We <3 you. Remember that.

[pamelaj]

Thanks girls. I am speaking with a councelor as my work has an excellent emotional support system in place for their workers and the best part...ITS FREE.

I have been off work for almost a year so im not sure if its the combination of health worries or starting Ft again that has thrown me off edge.
I figured once they took out the uterus and the Adenomiosis gone, id be healthy again so the fact that im not is also getting to me. They are now considering doing another lap in case Adeno has spread to endo outside the uterus(they said there was a chance of that).

Its just frustrating because both hubby and i thought that once i had the hyster, i'd be better. Just sweems its one health thing after another. I would have posted this in the depression thread but the only depression im sufferring is baby blues.
Other than the health worries and Brad being an inconsiderate a**, im doing ok.
Most days im to tired to even look at the computer seeing as thats what i look at all day long.

I have a doctors appt today so i will know the exact date of the biopsy(hopefully) and after 3 months of no pain meds, i'll be breaking down and asking my doctor for pain killers as the Tylenol 3 just arent cutting it. I wish i had the entire day off so i could do some retail therapy but i have to go to work after my appt.

The good thing is, I finally got all my bills paid off and now that i have some pocket money, im either to tired or in to much pain to go shopping.

[hellsbells]

Pam I know personally there are few things worse than the disappointment of thinking you're on the mend and feeling better then wham! it sticks you in the gut. You have every reason to be p1ssed off, but I agree that you should talk to Brad when you're feeling calm and just list a few things that he could maybe help out with around the house. With both of you working now the household chores should be shared. Is it at all possible that the pain is coming back because of how much more you're coping with now?

Feel free to vent whenever you like and if I can't offer any advice I'll at least send you some {{{hugs}}} xxx

[pamelaj]

Helen, I wish that is why the pain is coming back. It started before i went back to work in fact, it started just after Christmas. I have thought of that as well so took a day(or 2) of rest and it didnt help. My doctor gave me yet another script for tylenol 3's but they are bad on the liver. She also gave me a script for Arthrotek(sp?). I guess its a medium between an Nsaid and a narcotic. I'm going to be posting in my thread regarding Canadian Government...you should read it.

[KSA]

Pam Oh I am sorry to hear all this is going on. Working FT after being off so long is a big adjustment so just take one day at a time. I'm glad your are talking to a therapist not sure I mentioned this to you before but my medical doctor told my husband and I that she recomends therapy to anyone that suffers from a chronic disease. Is Brad going with you? It is a adjustment for him too. I bet he just wishes that the hyster cured everything but it is unfortunate it does not. Does he go with you to appointments it was not until my husband came with me that he understood what was really going on with me and sometimes he still forgets. MEN you know in one ear out the other!
I wonder if a little of your pocket money that you have now maybe use to get someone in the house once a month to help you with the cleaning so you are not doing it ALL? Or atleast take a little of it and go get a massage and relax once a month. It is good for the pain too. I hope my idea's help you a little I am sorry that you are feeling down. I have been there well I am there right along with you.
Vent all you wan't that is what we are here for:) HUGS to YOU and Happy BIRTHDAY I know I already sent you a message once but you should hear it again!

[pamelaj]

Thanks Keri. Brad unfortunately cant go with me but he is grasping how hard it is on me. He actually offered to pay a cleaning lady to come 1x a week to do the major cleaning so it will be easier for me. He is trying but i think its just frustrating for both of us.

I have decided that this saturday, if im not busy with hockey, im going for a massage, getting my nails and hair done and buying a new sexy to my eyes outfit. I will post a pic after i get all of it done.

[Karen]

I think that sounds like a good idea. Short term solution, but well worth it!

[KSA]

Pam glad you are going to take some time to pamper yourself. Enjoy every second of it. Turn the cell of and RELAX:) Oh and take advatage of the house keeper if Brad wants to do that for you then you should just let him. Make a list of things you wan't her to do while you sit and enjoy the clean house.....

[pamelaj]

Weell to update...

I will not be having that glorious pamper me day and a cleaning lady no more. I walked into work yesterday and was fired. They said i was being confrontational with someone on friday and that because i was within my probation period, they dont need a reason to fire me.
Im not sure what their idea of confrontational is but this is what happened.

A guy at work came up and told me this girl approached him and said she though i was out to get her. To anyone who knows me, they know i never vent my feelings in a work environment and strongly believe in resolving issues without conflict. Because this girl was new, i wanted to reassure her that i was not out to get her so she would feel comfortable. I mean, we were both there for the same reason...TO WORK!!!

I had this guy come with me up to this girl so i had a witness to what i said and the EXACT
words i said was "Katie, I heard that you think i am out to get you. I just want to let you know that im not and we are both here for the same reason. I believe in being civil to everyone. Her reply "We just need to be civil to everyone" and she walked away. Nothing more, nothing less was said.

She went to Human Resources and said i was being confrontational with her and harrassing her. They didnt investigate it or anything. The only thing i ever said about this girl at work was when i asked her to stop using her strongly scented hand cream as it is a scent free environment. I also informed our boss that i thought her mini skirts were inappropriate work attire and thought the dress code was for everyone to follow.

I lost my job and my means of supporting my family because a 21 year old barbie who lives with her rich parents and is only working there till something better comes along doesnt like the fact that she she cant do what she wants?

[hellsbells]

Oh Pam that sucks so bad!! I'm so sorry for you, that's totally not what you need! My God! Is there anything you can do about it? I mean over here even in a probation period something like that would have to be fully investigated by HR. That's sooo bad!!

[pamelaj]

Im going to look into it 2moro. To upset today to do anything. Thing is...i loved this job. It was perfect for me. I would e so upset if i had actually done something but i didnt. They do have the right to fire me within my 3 month probation period for no reason, however, i think there may be a grey area here because they told me WHY i was being walked out. had they said they just didnt want me there, then there is nothing that can be done but they didnt. I may be able to get them on wrongful dismissal, not sure.

If any of our other canadian(ontario) ladies are on here and know more about labor laes then i do, please give me advice. I know it wont be actual legal advice or anything i use but just something to help me in the right direction

[hellsbells]

Big hugz sweetie x

[pamelaj]

Thanks Hells....there needed here