|
Post by JackMcFarland on Apr 9, 2007 23:50:05 GMT -5
Ok. Here's the deal. I'm not usually a very jealous person, never have been. I can let jealously roll off pretty easy, at least a heck of a lot easier than a majority of other stuff!! However, when it comes to my boyfriend getting in touch with his ex, I CANNOT STAND IT!!!! Or myself for that matter. They spent 6 years together and broke up about 4 or 5 or 6 years ago. I don't know, something like that. She's gotten married in the last year and from what my BF tells me, is miserable. (A little history - they broke up cause she wanted to get married and he didn't! Or so that's what he told me, I'm sure there is more to the story). Well, she called him about 6 months ago when her hubby was away on a golfing trip and she was...lonely. Gag me. Like a good boy he called me first and asked if I would mind him speaking with her, he told me they barely spoke anyhow and it would be a one time deal. I said that I didn't really like the idea, but what could I say? Me saying no in my head made me feel like a...'w'itch. Fast forward to now. I've resorted to Facebook spying, and he wants her to come visit when we move and buy a house together. He knows how I feel about her and about him speaking with her. But for some reason, I cannot shake the idea of him not being over her...I know he loves me, and I do not think he would ever get back with her. My fear is that I will never amount to her, that a life time with me will never compare to 6 years with her, that he regrets not marrying her, that he misses her, that I'm...just not her, and obviously I'm not. It honestly makes me feel scared and lonely. And I probably worry about it too much. And the worse part!! She has endo!!! ....Grrrrrr.
|
|
|
Post by ouchy on Apr 9, 2007 23:59:52 GMT -5
Humm. I've never been the jealous type, either. I'd be okay with a few phone calls here and there, maybe with them meeting for coffee once (bringing you along, too), but I don't think that he should be inviting her to your new place (or your old place, for that matter)! That's just weird, especially if she would be spending the night. They say you never get over your first love, but he CAN move on! He's with you now, and hopefully it is a more adult love he has for you than for her. He'll probably always have a soft spot in his heart for her, which is understandable. I just hope he loves you with more of an enduring friendship/passion love that lasts forever. Am I rambling? lol. Sorry you are going through this. If she has endo, just wish for her period to arrive when she's supposed to show up!
|
|
|
Post by JackMcFarland on Apr 10, 2007 0:09:19 GMT -5
Ok. He was sitting across from me when I read that Ouchy and I busted out laughing and had to close out of the forum before he looked over!
Oh I have no doubt he still has a spot for her, that's ok by me. But like you said, I'm here now. She is his past and in one year I have given up more for him then I ever expect to for a guy. I always told myself I wouldn't, and I did. I always cheer myself up by telling myself that I'm his future. I will be his wife, and I will be the mother of his children. In one year I'm buying a house with him - in 6 years they never even lived together.
She has told him that she wants to meet me. I'm not really for it, and I will NOT let him see her unless I am there.
And with the Endo, it's hard because she's been trying to help to find a Dr near her. I told him to thank her for me, and for a while I couldn't hate her. Heh. That didn't last too long!
They talk all the time online. He's told her about the move, but he has yet to say I'm going with him. Hmmm.
|
|
|
Post by AussieBird on Apr 10, 2007 0:45:54 GMT -5
They talk all the time online. He's told her about the move, but he has yet to say I'm going with him. Hmmm. I would think that's not a good sign. Maybe it's time you had a proper talk with him about your feelings. You shouldn't feel guilty telling him how you feel. Communication is necessary in a good relationship. I hope he will see the tangle he seems to be getting into, and set up some practical boundaries. (((hug)))
|
|
|
Post by cass on Apr 10, 2007 4:22:14 GMT -5
i understand how you feel! i try and tell myself i am not jealous but the minute my bf decided to catch up with his ex i realised im a green eyed monster! i think its becasue they have a history and if they have been together that long and there was something there it makes catching up with them a lot different.
I do trust him though, and now he repects my feelings and has no contact with her ;D
however, i know alot of people that are still friends and are still sociable with their ex's. i find it very strange. I guess im a leave the past in the past type of girl! (geez i couldnt think of anything worse than catching up with my ex! thats why we broke up!)
however if he didnt want to be with you he wouldnt be and he wouldnt be as honest as he has with you if he was up to no good!
|
|
|
Post by JackMcFarland on Apr 10, 2007 9:42:52 GMT -5
They talk all the time online. He's told her about the move, but he has yet to say I'm going with him. Hmmm. I would think that's not a good sign. Maybe it's time you had a proper talk with him about your feelings. You shouldn't feel guilty telling him how you feel. Communication is necessary in a good relationship. I hope he will see the tangle he seems to be getting into, and set up some practical boundaries. (((hug))) Yeah. That worries me the most. I think he means well though, and he's a boy - boys are dumb. Haha. I try to tell myself half the time they do not realize what they are doing! He knows how I feel about her and about him talking to her. The problem is, is that he doesn't know I know to what extent he is talking to her. Before it was easy to bring it up cause it was over e-mail, now it's through another website. I trust him, I don't trust her...If that makes sense? Being a girl, I know what we are capable of, and it can be a lot! We have the power ladies...
|
|
|
Post by karen80222 on Apr 10, 2007 9:49:58 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by karen80222 on Apr 10, 2007 10:01:43 GMT -5
Oh -- and I wouldn't let him know that you know how much he's talking to her -- or that you're spying (I hate that word -- what's a better one?). Guys are weird about stuff like that cus they just don't get it! You can tell him he's talking to her too much and either he will figure that you just know that, or he told you and forgot, or will ask. If he asks -- just let him know that from the way he talks -- it seems like they are communicating more. That usually floors them because they know women have superpowers!!!
|
|
|
Post by JackMcFarland on Apr 10, 2007 10:17:19 GMT -5
we do! lol and he knows i know that hes talking to her about end nuts! ...and he told me once that he had an old "friend" back home who had endo and she goes to a really good dr. I did a little digging and when I discovered it was her, I called him out on it! lol. He was floored! He jaw dropped, it was by far the funniest thing!!! i'll see how far it goes in the next few weeks. he knows theres a line, and when he gets closer - if hes not careful, there will be hell to pay! Man, sometimes I just love being a woman! By the way, you girls rock. Lol. I know you all know that already, but I'm just reminding you all
|
|
|
Post by angelas on Apr 10, 2007 10:47:10 GMT -5
Ok so I have to tell you that I totally know how you feel! My bf still talks to his 'love' all the time online. I have also been facebook spying, and myspace spying and anywhere else I think I can find her out. He says that she was the only girl he ever said 'I love you' to, but that she didn't really return it to him, so after years of trying to sort things out, he decided to just be her friend. She lives in NY (which is far enough away) but she is still his confidant as well - so whenever we have a problem he runs to her! I've asked him not to talk to her (jealousy is a weakness of mine) but he says she will always be in his life! I can't help saying this but I HATE HER!! Mostly because she's already had a piece of him that I haven't even had! She's heard those 3 words that I haven't yet!!!!!!! I HATE HER!!!!!!!
SO..... I don't really have any advice for you cause I'm in the same boat doing the same things... spying.
|
|
|
Post by JackMcFarland on Apr 10, 2007 11:26:44 GMT -5
See, there are a few differences in our relationship that he did not have with her. For instance, apparently I am the only girl he was ever even thought of marrying, and I was only dating him a month before he took me home to his parents. He never wanted to marry her, and it took him years to bring her home, or so he says.
That's what I do not get. They have had their chance, these girls. I'm very good friends with my first love, but out of respect for my boyfriend, my ex, and his girlfriend I stay away. I'll always love that boy for being my first love, but I know my boundaries.
I know my bf loves me, he really does. But I am afraid that when we move in together 100% (We kinda sorta live together now, but don't have combine bills to pay) things will change. I'm the kind of girl that has to be reminded in relationships all the time, it's one of my biggest vices, but I can't help but having to hear him say that I'm his life, too.
|
|
|
Post by karen80222 on Apr 10, 2007 13:03:29 GMT -5
Are you the kind of girl who could call her up and say "Get away from my man or you are going to regret it"? I wish I was! That's totally what I would feel like doing!!!
|
|
|
Post by karen80222 on Apr 10, 2007 13:08:54 GMT -5
Angelas -- of course you hate her! I cannot believe some women are just that rude to their "sisters"! But -- then again -- she probably figures that since he talks to her, he still has some sort of feelings for her! I CANNOT believe he is still thinking about how she didn't return his I love you! Is he taking you to your surgery? I was gonna say -- my bf took me when I was mad at him for something else & I don't know if it was the pain meds or the anesthesia -- but omg -- I went OFF on him! He actually HID in the nurse's station! Bless his heart -- he has recovered - or forgotten - and is taking me to this surgery! But -- don't get too upset with him beforehand -- cus you might just let him know -- smile! Do you think that his ex still is actually friends with him -- or do you think she's just tolerating him? Know what? I think I might hate her too -- MEAN women!!!!!!!
|
|
|
Post by JackMcFarland on Apr 10, 2007 15:54:02 GMT -5
Oh yes. I'm SO that type of girl. In fact, I had to hold back messaging her at one point! It's the New York in me.
I don't know. He and I just got into a HUGE fight over our moving situation. I most certinatly said a lot of mean things. We have a LOT to talk about tonight, and she will be brought up.
|
|
|
Post by angelas on Apr 10, 2007 16:04:54 GMT -5
Ya he is taking me to my surgery! He's seen me through another surgery (dumb hand surgery) and for some reason the anesthetic makes me BALL MY EYES OUT!! ahhaha!! I've already pre-warned him that it will be a lot worse this time cause I will have a lot more of the anesthetic! I'll try very hard not to think about how much I hate her before that!! HA!! Once in a while I'll say 'so did you talk to Courtney today'? and sorry if this offends anyone but I friggin HATE that name!! It makes me sick! I've even tried finding pictures of her and everything but he says he doesn't have any... ya right. She even sends Christmas cards to our house! Last year I ripped it up before he could even read it! too bad! I've even thought about writing her a nice little letter.. but as far as she sees it, she probably thinks I'm ok with their 'little relationship'. He keeps talking about going to New York and then I could meet her!!! NEVER!!! She has a way better job than me, makes way more money than me, goes to all these awesome concerts and on these awesome trips! Of course I hate her cause I'm jealous but COME ON PAL!!! get rid of her!
Oh Tess - you have to keep us posted on how that conversation goes! How long have you been with him??
|
|