frustrated!!!!!

[nibletz]

I dont know where to start to be honest i feel so frustrated and fed up and angry with my husband every little thing i do is wrong theres always a comment everything is MY resposibility like finding a new place to live cooking cleaning laundry financial things money bills organising everything.....i cant take it and when i asked him so if this is all MY resposibility whats yours as the man? he kissed his teeth told me im f**ked up and to shut the f**k up coz ive got issues (im sorry for the language) i just cant take no more the comments the looks and he wonders why my face is always screwed up and am vex and on a short fuse....in case he didnt know i have endo, fibromyalgia constant headaches which turns to a migraine every week or so and blackouts and sometimes can barely move but hey ho still my fault and if i try to talk about it im too emotional somethings wrong with me and oh im wrong to feel that way....im on the verge of a break down or jumpiong off a cliff and when i cry coz i just need to let it out his reaction is why you crying coz its wrong to cry unless im in pain....most days i just wanna disappear or take too much morphine 'by mistake' coz theres got to be more to life than always feeling your being attacked
he comes hospital and docs with me and thinks thats ok and that he supportive but i cant even tell him how i feel so what do i do?

i write but he wonders why i dont let him read my poetry or lyrics i do my art which represents how i feel its my story how i wish it to be told....

but we live 200 miles away from anyonw we know all family and friends of mine so its like lonely and i got nothing

i just needed to let it all out and trying so hard not to cry while typing this out

thank you xxxx

[hellsbells]

Hi nibletz. I'm sorry things feel so bad. Please remember you are not alone, even if only virtually. You could take a look at the Endometriosis UK website and see if there is a support group in your area. Maybe try and write something specially for him that might help him understand.

In these situations, although I am firmly on your side, I often try and get people to see it from the other side too. Watching someone in pain and distress and not being able to really do too much to help can be incredibly frustating, and can lead to some sh*tty behaviour. Try and ask him how he feels when he sees you in pain, ask him how he feels about the whole endo situation maybe, and hopefully that will be an opening for an honest discussion.

Good luck x

[painttheseconds]

I'm sorry you're going through so much. Endo on top of everything else we deal with in life can be really overwhelming. The great thing about these boards is that we are all here to support each other. Helen made a great suggestion about looking into a support group in your area.

When I was at the height of dealing with endo I had to be very specific with my family and friends about what was helpful and was not. It was uncomfortable at times, but it gave them a better idea of what I was going through and how they could help. I hope you can find a time to talk to him about everything you have been feeling. Hang in there.

[nibletz]

Hi guys


Thanks for the kind words...funny thing is when I had written for him previously all I get is "Mmm ok" or shrugs he know what helps and some days I wanna lie in and not have to think of bills or money or dinner and watch stupid tv to zone out but all anything does is cause arguments its like pointless which dont help at all I feel at an end I know he hates seeing me in pain and feels helpless so I dont show it I just bitty tongue n try not to cry out I really really wish for once he'd just shut his mouth and not comment or say a word or looks just let me be sometimes....oh well ill keep hoping....

I have tried the can I talk to you babe? Approach but he can never just shut up and listen

I really appreciate your replies thank u...I emailed endo uk they haven't contacted me about local support groups ill do it again thanks xxxx

[hellsbells]

Try finding their page on Facebook too.

[charlie29]

I am really sorry you have to be faced with situations like that. Honestly, the behavior is unacceptable in my opinion. It also sounds as though it is his defense mechanism to dealing with your pain.
I know writing a letter sounds like it may be useless but if you can air out your thoughts and feelings then at least there is a small form of emotional relief. Despite his reactions to it, you are putting yourself out there and that is all you can do. I think also that asking him like someone had suggested how your pain affects him would give you an idea as to how to approach certain instances.

All you can do is try. The rest is up to him to acknowledge how his actions make you feel.

[nibletz]

Thanks charlie I dont think he knows how to handle it or how to.deal with it neither...I told him when we first met that am always ill and just under a year later I was diagnose with endo and I think its alot to ask as we end up arguing and fighting I feel under pressure at times and wish I could change things although he is the only one who understands the extent of my ill health more than anyone just wish I could talk to him and make him understand how he makes me feel even when I.try it's quite hopeless

[butterfly80]

I would try writing a letter too and saying everything you feel from the pain to how you feel emotionally... Write things like "ifeel...." & focus on you and how you feel...but understand you feeling hopeless with it.. You deserve to be heard though. maybe you can get some info on endo for him to read up on.. Explain to him how it is an illness that beats you down.. Let him see your pain hun.... try things like "when you don't listen to me I feel...", "I cry because.....", . Hang in there hun...wish it wasn't so hard!

[nibletz]

ive tried telling him but 'its all in my head' according to him its pointless so i give in letters he wont read he even asked me to write lyrics for a one of his music beats and he didnt read it so i doubt he'll read a letter on how i feel coz that dont matter anymore im suppose to keep track of everything its all a womans job...so what does a man do? i get my being ill blackouts holds things back but he can go work and at least try do something but im excuses it my fault i remidn him of his kids birthdays i text them more than him and his family but still nothing im just giving up

butterfly can i pm you? xxx

[butterfly80]

so sorry to great it is so rough..
Yes you can pm me