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Post by poetpeace on Jul 1, 2011 10:38:19 GMT -5
I don't whether this is the right board for this.
But I am often in a lot of pain when on my period, and I am in a long distance relationship. Fortunately he's never seen me in alot of pain, only got my emails where Ive complained of stomach pains and stuff.So he knows I am in a lot of pain and is very supportive, and it feels like he never leaves me side until he knows I feel better.
I've figured I'm due on when I go see him, and I'm really nervous about him seeing me in a lot of pain. Yes, he's heard me complaining about it and upset, but never seen me curled up in the foetal position clenching my sides...
Any help ladies..?
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Post by hannahjex on Jul 1, 2011 14:00:00 GMT -5
LOL, I never know where different threads should go either!
I hate it when my hubby sees me in pain because I know that he hates it when I'm in pain and he can't do anything to fix me. In a way, it makes me hurt more knowing that he's hurting because I'm hurting. He (and I think, men in general) have this thing about 'fixing' things and it is very frustrating for him seeing me in pain and not being able to make it go away. But at the same time, he's my rock and he's so supportive and it's lovely having someone love you and spoil you and take care of you when you're at your worst. I didn't choose endo, but the fact is it is a part of my life now; I can't just pretend it isn't there or hide away. I admit, I did try to in the beginning, especially before I was diagnosed. I just felt like I was ALWAYS complaining and ALWAYS crying about something and that I was being a burden on him and secretly harboured a fear that he'd decide that it was too much more than he'd signed up for and walk away. Then one day he found me hiding in the bathroom in the middle of the night, curled up on the floor and bawling my eyes out as quietly as I could. He picked me up, carried me to bed, fetched my pain killers, made me a hot water bottle and then told me off for being silly and gave me this long romantic speech about how much he wouldn't change me for the world and it wasn't my fault and he'd love me even if I was hideously disfigured, blind and deaf and dumb and my legs had fallen off. So now I've learned to just enjoy the support and count my blessings that I've got someone to lean on. If he is as caring and supportive as you say he is, I wouldn't worry. Be open and honest about things and just try to enjoy your time together and take advantage of having someone to spoil you for a while.
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Post by cloudyrain on Jul 1, 2011 16:10:30 GMT -5
I agree with Hannah, some men can't handle not being able to do anything to help - a bit like women really!
I give the other half things to do that he thinks make me feel better, and then he feels like he is helping. It might be an idea to talk to him and explain, then if you have a bad episode he will no what to do (painkillers, hot water bottle, water, being left alone etc.) Often with things like this it's the fear that's worse than the reality. Additionally, be easy on yourself; when we have to suffer pain like this it makes us apprehensive and can fill us with dread about what's going to happen this time. Maybe if he knows how you feel you won't feel so bad xxx
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Post by Karen on Jul 1, 2011 17:11:22 GMT -5
That's so sweet of your husband, Hannah!
To be honest, I have similar fears. I'm dating someone at the moment. It's not really serious yet, and he vaguely knows I have some things going on with my health and have a very restrictive diet as a result. He's cool and cooks me meals that he knows I can eat, but beyond that, we haven't dived into the details. And I'm totally nervous for him to see me when I'm in rough shape, too, or find out what's really going on. Luckily, we discussed whether or not we want kids (he's on the fence) and he knows that there could possibly be some issues with my body and getting pregnant, so at least that's one hurdle I don't have looming in the back of my head. But I feel like I won't be able to truly 'trust' him until he knows it all and he sticks around despite. And honestly, that's what's prevented me from getting serious with someone so far - that fear. But at some point, I have to conquer it, and you will too!
As my therapist reminds me, though, everyone has baggage - something that you're hesitant to reveal to someone that you're with. This just happens to be your baggage. And the only way you'll know how he'll deal with it is when he's faced with it. He may be taken off guard and not quite sure what to do if he does, in fact, see you at your worst in the near future, but don't be afraid to tell him what you need. Good luck and let us know how it goes!
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Post by 1234 on Jul 1, 2011 17:30:58 GMT -5
I want to second what the other women have said,and I know it's particularly tough for you in a distance relationship. Would it help ease your mind if you told him up front that you might not be feeling so good some of the days that you next see him? and maybe it would help him if you told him some things that he could do to help you? (heating pad, massage, etc). It might open the door for a longer conversation on your health/endo issues, which might be freeing for both of you. As Karen says, everyone has baggage, so your opening up on this part of yours might make it easier for him to open up on some of his. If you and he aren't ready for this, just tell him what you feel comfortable telling him for now and wait until you are ready. Somewhere on this forum there is a post that includes links to videos explaining endo. They are good and short--maybe use one of those to start the conversation? Good luck!
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Post by poetpeace on Jul 2, 2011 11:38:51 GMT -5
Well, I'll have to scrap that idea. We split up, still friends, we're taking a break. But now I'm all on my own feeling ill.
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Post by Karen on Jul 2, 2011 12:18:04 GMT -5
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Post by hellsbells on Jul 2, 2011 12:56:25 GMT -5
Aww honey! {{{hugs}}}
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Post by Karen on Jul 2, 2011 14:34:59 GMT -5
Well, I'll have to scrap that idea. We split up, still friends, we're taking a break. But now I'm all on my own feeling ill. Interestingly enough, I just found myself in a similar predicament this afternoon. The way I see it, better to end things before they know, otherwise you'll always wonder if they left because they did. At least that's how I feel.
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Post by poetpeace on Jul 3, 2011 1:18:43 GMT -5
I don't how to deal with it on my own. I was with him when I was diagnosed, I don't know who to talk to about it now...
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Post by Karen on Jul 3, 2011 7:48:37 GMT -5
Us!
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Post by 1234 on Jul 3, 2011 11:05:39 GMT -5
Karen and poetpeace, hope you two are doing ok today. sending thoughts and hugs.
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Post by poetpeace on Jul 3, 2011 11:44:47 GMT -5
Yeah. I'm fine now. I'm glad to have such a lovely bunch of ladies to talk to
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Post by Karen on Jul 3, 2011 12:19:11 GMT -5
Good, glad you feel that way, Poetpeace!
Yeah, I've got my head around things. The more I think about it, the fact that I couldn't talk to him about why I was feeling crappy, which is why he never got to see the 'real me', is pretty telling that things just weren't meant to be. My first instinct was to blame me and my body for not feeling like myself, but I was able to wrap my head around the bigger picture. We had a good talk about things and we both agree it's for the best. I feel like I have some closure this time. I hope you have that, too, Poetpeace!
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Post by poetpeace on Jul 3, 2011 12:28:52 GMT -5
Yeah, I have closure. The crying bit is done, now to get on with life y'know. Ours is for the best too. I keep having terrible period pains, and I know it will start sometime soon, but they are killing me from the inside out. I swear I spend my time hooked on cocodomol and paracetamol. But hey, doctors appointment this Friday, maybe will find other options for me.
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