So what's a girl to do??

[ladybelle8968]

Uggh I hate feeling like this when so much else is going on. I feel like a jerk for even mentioning it. And the killer part is waiting...I hate waiting to know what is wrong. Maybe I'm just over thinking and need to quit allowing myself to feel this way...but I just don't understand it. I feel bad for even complaining when there are so many of you that have it waaay worse physically than I do...my pain isn't excruciating...it's just nagging and constant and I don't feel like a vital 21 year old woman...some days I just feel like I'm just dragging through. Sex isn't as enjoyable as it used to be, and I hate to tell my fiance that I'm just not in the mood but it hurts and sometimes I feel like he doesn't believe me. He never questions but it's such a bummer to see the disappointment on his face. I just don't get it...and then it's so difficult to bring up how I feel almost daily because of so much else that goes on. One sister has thyroid cancer and has had 6 surgeries in the past year and is now basically a dependent on her medication (even if she doesn't necessarily need it)...she was an RN and knows just exactly what to tell the doctor so that he will give her more meds...I hate that she's gotten so dependent on them, it's sad. And my other sister has had problems with her weight and blood clot issues and she's pre-diabetic. So naturally to both of them my problems aren't nearly as serious as theirs, and they probably aren't but they are serious to me...did I mention that I am the baby sister?? Lol. My mom is a saint because she listens to the best of her ability, she has fibromyalgia and has had endo...but she has so much on her plate already. So what's a girl to do? When she feels like this and doesn't know how to go about making people see that she is serious and isn't just looking for attention, but for an answer? I would feel a million times better if I just had a face to go with this invisible intruder to my body...even if it was something as small as one common functional cyst. I. Need. To. Know. Well I suppose I'm done b**ching now...Sorry ladies...some days I just feel like crap for even feeling this way and just need to get it out. I'm so blessed that I found ya'll...if only I could just have this problem when others didn't have probs, ya know?

[JC]

Hey vent all you need! One thing I struggle with too is comparing myself to others. I hate to complain because people really do have it worse. BUT, even though they have other things going on, and things "could" be much worse, it still doesn't take your pain away, it doesn't take your fatigue away, it doesn't take your heartache away. It's still there regardless if the person next to you has cancer or not. We can be mentally thankful that we don't have something more serious, but it doesn't mean we're still not suffering. I think you have every right to feel the way you do. This disease is so misunderstood by so many people. It's very frustrating to have to be disappointing to others, especially our partners. We find ways to get around it and we find ways to talk to our loved ones. It's not always easy and sometimes we lose friends. Sad as it is to say, we sometimes also find out who are real friends are by how they react to us being sick. It's sad but you learn to love and appreciate the people who have stuck by your side.
I think the thing that has helped me the most is being here on this board. The girls here are so understanding and supportive. I have made such wonderful friends here. We're all fighting the same fight and we help each other along the way. Hang in there! We'll always be here if you want to vent.

[ladybelle8968]

Thank you so much...at first I was hesitant on typing this...I didn't want to come across as whiny...But after I just let go and let how I feel just flow out I felt so much better. I was able to laugh and just be lighthearted the rest of the night. It's a relief to know I have a place to go to talk to other's who feel the way that I do.

[1234]

We know exactly how you feel. It's a rough disease, and having to deal with it as a young, "healthy" woman--when our peers are running around doing all sorts of things we can't, or can't without pain, is so hard. hang in there.

[ladybelle8968]

Thank you rustmyrtle...I appreciate all the support from ya'll...and I hope to be as much support for ya'll as well.

[JC]

Jun 26, 2011 20:06:17 GMT -5 1234 said:

We know exactly how you feel. It's a rough disease, and having to deal with it as a young, "healthy" woman--when our peers are running around doing all sorts of things we can't, or can't without pain, is so hard. hang in there.

Funny you put "healthy" in quotations. Since I have been doing a lot of pre-op stuff they ask all of your health history. I usually give them this long grocery list of problems I have and I sh*t you not, every single time they reply with "ok so well, you seem young and healthy."
WTF? I'm confused. I makes me ask the question, at what point are you not healthy? Do you have to be dying or obese to be considered unhealthy? Don't get me wrong, I like when a doctor looks at my long list of health problems and calls me healthy but it confuses me! I don't FEEL healthy sometimes!

Sorry, had to vent. It's just weird.

[omaklackey]

I kind of get the "being sick when no one else is". You don't want to come off all "look at me I"m sick" but on the other hand you really wish someone would just show you they care that your sick. My mom has so many kid problems with my adopted siblings as well as my sister went in for one tiny gall bladder surgery that went horribly wrong and it all happened the same time I was going through my diagnoses etc. It was like my mom had to much going on to accept the seriousness of anything I was dealing with. I can't tell you how alone I felt with all that. She isn't the best communicator anyways so... My hubby is doing a little better but he, like most hubbies, just doesn't want to hear about it all the time so I come here. I'm glad you found endo resolved to vent. Its important to have somewhere/someone who "gets it", the seriousness of it, the pain, and the frustrations, and can just say "I'm sorry your sick and I'm doubly sorry you have endo".

[1234]

I actually have taken to locking my bicycle helmet to my bike before going into a doctor. I can't tell you the number of times doctors sort of stop paying attention to me because they assume I'm fine because I biked to the appt. It pisses me off. Biking is my transportation, not a statement about my health! And then they look at me and say "oh, young, thin, in shape--you're fine." I think it's actually one of the most bizarre things about this disease.

[ladybelle8968]

Yeah I totally get that because if they can't "see" it on the outside...they assume that you are fine on the inside. And anytime your pain is not visible...they assume the problems you have are psychological...But if they would just do the ultrasounds like we ask without making us feel like complete psychos and just writing up a prescription to "deal with that", they might see that there is more to it than that. My mom went through alot of the same issues with her fibromyalgia with a doc...he actually told her he didn't believe in fibro...this doc has since then quit his practice. My mom and sister and I joke that we caused him to because I remember one time he was giving me the 3rd degree on me requesting a different brand of antideppresant because when you've been on one particular one for say...5 years it tends to lose it's purpose because your body in a sense gets used to it...So when he got smart with me I got smart right back, I countered him saying "It's not like I'm asking for Lithium doc, don't you think if I wanted something for merely a high I'd deal with you? No I'd save my time and trouble and get something off the streets." Needless to say he changed the brand to Effexor...and I'm doing just fine there lol.