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Post by cherry on May 9, 2011 18:43:32 GMT -5
How honest can and should you be in work and school about your condition? I've found people, men and women, get stupidly uncomfortable about it cos it's a mere mention of ladies parts... this is to the point that when they referred me to occupational health over my attendance record at work, the nurse conducting the interview thought I'd been referred for 'stomach upsets' rather than the cause of the violent vomiting. I hate that I will be as frank as anything, and sometimes people think I'm exaggerating (that occ health nurse again 'You take morphine?! Why?!' - yes ladies, you know the tone I mean) or they're embarrassed that my bitch-ass womb is in the equation and they know that I go mad at the full moon... and then they project it onto me 'I'll put it down as stomach upset so as not to embarrass you' *Erm sorry. You can't embarrass me, I've shat my pants more than once and spewed all over someone else's bathroom because of this disease.* Discuss!
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Post by pretty on May 9, 2011 19:05:28 GMT -5
Honesty is relative - I try to be as honest as the situation will allow, and I always am as honest as possible anyway... Only hangup I have is if others seem uncomfortable I'll shut my yap but mostly I just rattle on.... with medical folks though, I'm utterly and completely honest and straightfaced about ALL my issues. That way I never forget what I told them. Cant wait to see more posts. this is an interesting topic Cher!
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Post by JC on May 9, 2011 19:36:22 GMT -5
With classmates, I have this feeling that they won't care and I'll feel stupid for telling them something so personal. It was easy for me to talk about health at work because I worked in a hospital. But even then I would only share with a few people. Sometimes a simple, "I have health problems," is enough for me. I still wonder if they even believe me since I don't "look" sick. I just have this complex of looking like nut job so I tend to hide it.
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Post by Karen on May 9, 2011 20:05:06 GMT -5
I do pretty much the same thing - I just mention I have some ongoing health problems if someone asks when I look 'off' some days. If they ask for more details, I don't mind sharing, but usually they don't ask and I'm ok with that. A lot of my team knows I can't eat certain things and they know that it's for health reasons and they're usually pretty accommodating. I felt like a turd, though, when we had a client lunch and they ordered in subs and they were supposed to get a lettuce-wrapped 'sub' for me (no bread) but it instead came with bread. There I am in the middle of a lunch meeting, first time meeting all the client contacts, and eating the guts of a sub with a fork and knife... Felt like such a turd. But no one mentioned anything!
It's funny, though, one of the girls asked me last week exactly what's going on with me. After I finished my rambling, she said 'you're handling it a lot better than I ever would.' Although I think she thought that was a compliment, it pissed me off. It's not like I have a choice. It's not like any of us have a choice! We just have to get up every morning, go about our day, and make adjustments if needed.
And now I'm rambling...
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Post by JC on May 9, 2011 20:12:34 GMT -5
Aw she totally meant that as a compliment. People just don't understand what it's like to keep up with the world when you feel so horrible. Most people get sick, take a few days off, then get better and go back to it. They don't know what it's like to live like this.
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Post by painttheseconds on May 9, 2011 20:30:07 GMT -5
I struggle with this. Mostly I just share in a general way with my co workers. I've had to be a little more descriptive with the higher ups at my work in order for them to understand what I deal with on a regular basis.
I've been wondering about this lately because I am going to try to transfer stores and work part time as a cashier at a Whole Foods closer to my house. I've been trying to decide how to be honest about my health issues, but not to where they think I'm a liability or not capable of handling my responsibilities at work. I feel like it's such a gray area.
I feel like I give 110% at my job even when I feel like crap and there's so other people I work with who call out because they are hung over or go and get high on breaks. It frustrates me that those people have no consequences while I've been talked to about absences.
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Post by fblack on May 9, 2011 20:57:58 GMT -5
I find many people( yes, women, too) don't even know what endometriosis is!! Lately, if anyone asks me what's wrong or why are you only eating fruit? (at the brunch). I just tell them I'm trying an elimination diet for my endometriosis pain. So far, only women have brought up the question. I don't think it's embarassing unless I'm at an activity where men are. Most men are just so uncomfortable with women's "stuff". I think because they lack knowledge. My husband still doesn't really know (or care) the difference between a pad and a tampon or how they are used. He avoids the whole topic if possible. Although He is very sympathetic regarding my pain issues. I think because he has seen me deliver 3 babies!
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Post by gemstone on May 10, 2011 6:31:25 GMT -5
I'm always really frank with everyone. Most of my friends are very understanding and accomodating, some are douches!
With work, I was incredibly honest and discussed everything - they basically treated me like it was my fault and said I wasn't capable. They looked at me when I was saying the words 'bowel', 'uterous' and 'colostomy bag' like I had just threatened to horrifically maim their children for a youtube video.
So, I will always be honest but I have to appreciate that people just don't understand how something they think is 'a bad period' can have anything to do with any of the stuff we go through.
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Post by hellsbells on May 10, 2011 7:18:17 GMT -5
If someone needs to know, like my boss or HR, I'm as frank as they can take. With people I'm close to, they get the whole kit and kaboodle. With regular colleagues, I gave them a basic overview.
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Post by 1234 on May 10, 2011 9:17:55 GMT -5
I'm actually struggling with this now, because even my friends at my desk job who know why I had surgery, now keep asking "are you all better"? It's difficult to say, no, the pain is still there, because I feel like I'm being a drag on the conversation. Mostly, I just haven't said anything, and I'm too shy to tell people who aren't close to me why I was out with surgery or that I often don't feel well.
The bike shop is even worse. It's a totally male environment, and, since I work in a bike shop that is 50 years old and half hardware store/half bike shop, owned by the 65-year old man who inherited hte shop from his dad, it is an older male bike shop. Working in the bike shop and still being able to ride my bike are the two things I really, really fight myself for, though there are some days when getting on the bike to go over those potholes on the DC streets seems so impossible. But a bike shop is not an environment where it's easy to be the only woman, and a woman with endo.
However, it was funny when I had my lap. I told my boss that I had to have a surgery:
Boss: "on what?" Kristin: "women issues." Boss: "oh.....oh no....are you ok?" Kristin: "yes"
interlude while boss goes off to mess with fixing a vacuum cleaner...
Boss: "Well, since you can't work that Thursday, can you work on Saturday and Sunday?" Kristin: "I don't think I'll be recovered by then." Boss: "Are you ok? is it something really serious?" Kristin: "I'm ok, it's painful, but a benign condition."
Boss stumps off back to teh vacuum cleaner, comes back and yells (he's hard of hearing, but refuses to wear a hearing aid, so he generally communicates at a yell): "You're not having an abortion are you? Because those aren't so bad--you'll be feeling just the same very soon." Kristin: "no, I'm not having an abortion." Boss: "oh, ok...I was just concerned it was your first abortion and you didn't know."
It was even funnier, because my boss knows my husband AND there were customers privvy to this whole conversation, because they were hanging out about 8 feet away while I and a co-mechanic were fixing their bikes.
I thought about telling him that when I had to terminate an ectopic pregnancy, I was back in the shop 2 days later, but decided that was TMI for him. Plus, the customers definitely didn't need to know.
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Post by pretty on May 10, 2011 11:28:47 GMT -5
LOL! this was great, it can be the opening scene in my endo movie....
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Post by Karen on May 10, 2011 17:00:27 GMT -5
That's. Freaking. Hilarious.
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Post by cherry on May 10, 2011 17:02:49 GMT -5
The only thing that could have made me laugh about this topic!
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Post by cloudyrain on May 20, 2011 13:59:27 GMT -5
I got to the point of as much info as possible since my work were pretty rubbish when my sickness record hit the "trigger" points. Although at that point I had suspected cervical cancer so got the letter dumped on my desk by some bimbo and proceeded to read it, see I had to explain my problems to a board of 3 male directors, and stormed into my bosses office where I cried, swore, and generally made a scene. Luckily they regained a tiny amount of humanity and I only had to explain my cervix and period to one man, but still....argh! I went into as much detail as possible, explaining all about the cervix that they were removing, and the flooding blood, and how I felt like my insides were being ripped out. Unsurprisingly the gaffer was more upset by this than me!!
I now have to have weekly "performance reviews" with my male boss. I did ask if it would not be easier to wear a badge saying "I'm ovulating", "I'm flooding" or "I have brown nasty discharge", but for some reason he declined and hasn't actually done one! ;D
Xxx
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Post by hellsbells on May 20, 2011 16:06:20 GMT -5
Haha that's funny!
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