Other pregnant women

[katiev]

Ok, not sure if this is the place to put this but what do you say when someone comes up and tells you they are pregnant? In my head I am running around the room, pulling my hair out and screaming "I hate you" to the happy newly pregnant women but instead I put on a happy and hopefully not too fake of a face and congratulate them. Any tips on how to deal with this? I secretely say I hate them in my head and I know that is not right or nice but I can't help it. Then it sticks with me for days that I am not pregnant and depression hits and then many naps later I get over it.

[chicagogal2]

Well, for me I am honestly and truly happy for them. I know that none of this is in my hands, it's all in God's hands and if I am meant to be a mother, no matter what the obsticle he will put the things in place to make me a mother. If not, then I'm fine with that. You always have to remember, people are blessed in different ways and you can't be angry at someone because they have something you don't have. Think of it like this - you see a person with the picture perfect mansion house, seems to have all of the nice cars etc - picture perfect but if you know the person you find out they are in debt up to their eyeballs, don't own their cars they are leased and are literally living paycheck to paycheck. Or the girl who's beautiful but when you get to know her she doesn't have 1 girlfriend because everyone is jealous of her beauty. Always remember to be thankful for the good things in your life - the rest will come but I truly believe you have to have a genuine heart - the happiness you have for those pregnant women will come back to you in some way or another. I also believe that keeping a genuine happy heart is great for our health overall.

[katiev]

Thank you so much! You made me tear up!

[pretty]

I agree with Nicole. Its like, when a friend tells me she is pregnant I pray that she will deliver a healthy baby. that's the extent of it. Most of my close friends KNOW how much I want to be a mom, they know it makes me cry, and they know I'm waiting for January 15th so we can TTC! OTher than that in my community's eyes I am a normal woman ( not everyone knows about the endo) anyhow they see me as normal. I choose this.... I choose not to share the tragedy of endo, so the irony of people asking me why Warren and I haven't had kids yet just rolls off my back. I don't want my desires to poison my views. I think babies are AWESOME! and yeah it sometimes gets to me, especially when women who ALREADY HAVE KIDS get pregnant and you KNOW they don't even really want another baby, or when the really young women with no savings etc get pregnant.... but I do really believe like Nicole said that it's not in our hands to create this wonderful universe and make all the decisions lol... that's out of my hands, all I can do is keep my heart open for what is meant for me. Not even really a religious feeling, more of a universal truth that you can only attract love with love.... god I sound flaky! good luck, it's hard but you want to be open and you want to show your love.

[hellsbells]

I understand your frustration, only to a point because I've never tried. But as 35 yr old single woman who wants kids with the right man and feels time is running out, I do kinda get it. My cousin who is nearly 10 years younger than me has just produced the next generation of that side of my family, and it stings. I'm thrilled for her as she's been trying for a while, but there is a part of me that struggles with it. I feel like it should have been me to first give them all a great neice/nephew. But hey, it is what it is and I don't begrudge her her happiness, I'd just like a little bit of it for myself one day :-). Stay strong xx

[JC]

Pretty, you always have such awesome things to day ;D .
I can see why you would feel these things. I wish I could give you better advice but I don't have that maternal desire to want children. It just doesn't come to me.
I feel bad over the heartache that many women feel over difficulties with fertility. I hope that you can find a genuine happiness for someone's blessing and look forward to what life has in store for you!

I did hear a quote once that might fit into this:

"“Envy is counting the other fellows blessings instead of your own."

[Karen]

I don't really have the mother urge, either, but I have friends and family that have and I understand it can be quite hard. Remember the episode of Sex and the City when Miranda announces she's pregnant (wasn't trying) and Charlotte gets all upset and storms out because she WAS trying and wasn't having any luck? I don't think you're alone in thinking those thoughts.

But, if you need a different perspective, it's not like there's a certain allotment of babies in this world, and when one woman gets pregnant, it takes away your ability go get pregnant. Pregnancies of different are totally independent of each other! So, yeah, you can be bummed that they budged to get to the front of the pregnancy line before you did, but until you step out of that line, you're still in it...

[cherry]

That quote is lovely Jenaya.
Endo has a myriad of tragedies within it's folds so I believe that when possible you should count what you have rather than what you haven't just keep you sane and happier.
I'm not in that place of wanting kids but I hope this pain subsides a little for you guys.
I like the positive vibes you guys are giving and I have taken something away from this.
My older sister feels sorry for me because she assumes I'll be infertile, it's all good intentions but a little annoying, it'd be terrible if I actually was. The pity that people 'bestow' has to be terrible I know, so take that back and show them how happy you are as a person.

[omaklackey]

I understand this... My younger sister and I both had miscarriages and we still get so mad when we hear about some loser getting knocked up over and over again and they don't even want the baby. I recently had a problem after my hysterectomy where a friend who is three years older then me had a kiddo and It just made me angry that here she is just starting and I'm in surgical menopause having hot flashes and dealing with "old lady" crap. I think what you did by writing here instead of raging at your friend is a good idea.

[JC]

But don't you have a couple of children Omak? You were able to have them eventually though which is a positive thing.

[cherry]

I don't think there's any instead of, nobody can rage at a pregnant woman full stop.
The point of the thread is sharing upset over the extremely sensitive issue of being unable to conceive your first child with a group of women whose fertility is/can be compromised by endo.

[pretty]

I agree with everyone lol. Actually deep inside, I do harbor jealousy and hatred.... lol. this is a tough subject, never gonna get any easier. It's great to have somewhere to post about it good or bad....

[JC]

I totally agree with both Cherry and Pretty. This is such a horribly difficult thing to go through that I'm not quite sure there's a way to reconcile these feelings you have toward other women who can conceive. But you can find women who feel the same way to share your feelings with, which is why we're all here on this board; to support and understand each other through shared hardships. Maybe we can help you find ways to cope with the sadness along with being here to vent right along with you

[smayw]

I understand how you feel. As a woman who has gone through 10+ years of infertility/fertility treatments and was never able to conceive, hearing of pregnancies still hurts. Even after adopting our beautiful children, it hurts. I can't say that I hate the other woman, but I definitely hurt (and sometimes cry when I'm alone).

[nichole262]

Hi,

I am almost28 (in one month) and have wanted kids for as long as I can remember,before I even was diagnosed with endometriosis I wanted to work in labour and delivery as a nurse and just have that urge to be a mom. Waiting is SOOOO HARD!! My boyfriend and I both want to have kids and were just waiting to take the next step towards family planning and then I found out his sister is 7 weeks pregnant I was ecstatic for her but cried at the same time because I wish it were me. I know that there is a plan for me and it will or won't happen, I would be happy to adopt and so would my boyfriend but I still get that twinge of jealousy and cry in private not knowing wheather or not I will be able to concieve. I am happy for my boyfriends sister and want to be involved throughout her pregnancy but I do find it very difficult just have been through all this with my best friend too. Your words of advice have helped keep me in perspective. Thanks!