Spoiled Kids

[KSA]

WoW its official I have a pre teen and a spoiled kid too! I am so upset with him I love him so much but gosh I can't deal with his attitude since I came back from this last hospital stay is awful. His room looks like a tornado hit it and all the Abercrombie clothing is throw everywhere. He lost his North Face jacket and a winter coat I paid $80 for acted as tho it was no big deal. If I ask him to do a chore he ignores me. I limited his play on the xbox I read a article that it causes agression and depression so he gets it for 5 hrs a week. I feel so bad complaining about him he is a good kid I'm not sure what is going on with him. When I have said things like how much he has he says I don't care take it all away I don't need it so today I did....

I had him pack a bag of books he liked to read, warm clothes, his head phones and Ipod and a sleeping bag that can be used in zero degree weather. I put him in our sun room its carpeted with a sofa, book cases and a coffee table it is cold tho we keep a heater in there its atached to our kitchen by french doors so I can see what he is doing. I told him he is locked out of his room what he has packed is what he can usse for the next few days. No Tv or xbox. He hates me right now. I had to do it I counted 50 plus shirts he has most were on his bedroom floor. This is partly my fault I buy the stuff but he could take care of it! I came from nothing I was lucky to get get 10 shirts.. Had to share a room w my twin sis. His closet is the size of some peoples bedrooms!
I am thinking of switching our fun family vaca this summer to my uncles missionary in Mexico. He has orphanage in the middle of a very poor village. I visited when I was 20 but I think it is time for Jacob to see the real world. It changed my life when I saw that world.

[Karen]

I don't know what to say other than I'm glad you're laying down the law! Perhaps he's getting close to the age where he has to 'work' for things? I know I always took better care of things if I had to contribute for them in some way or another, whether it was physical labor or cash. Hope you're able to get through to him by restricting use of his favorite things!

[JC]

Oh hell no. Don't even get me started! LOL

[cherry]

Keri I can see why this upsets you especially when he's usually so great.
I feel like maybe he's doing this because he's seen you go through a lot these last 4 months and now you're on the mend, he's lashing out against that and also testing his boundaries with you because you're now well enough to do battle with him.
I hope that your method worked.
I don't think the orphanage is so bad, he will learn a lot and also bond with children who have a completely different life, I can see it being good for him. But really you need a good indulgent holiday after the time you've had. Maybe you can do a little of both?

[Heather]

I wonder if his issues are maybe due to him being unable to help you. I just finished reading My Sister's Keeper, and yes, it's fiction, but I think this has some merit (stop right here if you don't want to know what happens in the book). The brother in the book (Jesse) is a firebug, and when he finally gets caught, it's revealed that he became that way because he couldn't help his sister (Kate) who has very aggressive cancer. I don't know the logic or psychology behind that, but it seems possible to me. I hope you've managed to get through to him.

[KSA]

Awww thanks girls I know he wants to help me and I can see how that can turn into bad behaviour. He is 11 going on 16 he is my one and only and he has alot of independence then was picked to go to middle school a year early so in 5th grade he is with all the pre teens.
Last night his dad was over screaming at him to respect me or he would be sent off to military school if he did not straighten up. Yep I looked into it never thought I would do that. He is a awesome kid love him and wish he did not have to see me like this. I have a feeling the hormones are going nutts too. He has the hair above the lip and his first girly poster appeared on his wall a month ago. Kim Kardashian....soo here goes being a mom to a almost man yikes not sure how to deal with that but I will get thru it.
I raised him with a giving heart and he is loving I am sure once his body adjusts to all the changes I should have a fine young man.

[KSA]

I had a meeting with his teacher and she said december is when he started with the talking back. Right at my worst. Poor kid spent most of this year in a hospital bed with me and when some docs would come in they would send him off alone. I can't imagine dealing with it in the eyes of a 11 year old. The teacher said Jacob is a great kid and is so independent and smart could be off starting a company or turning the other way if he is not using all that built up agression in a positive way.

So he started painting xbox controllers for kids and with permission from parents and a consent for I am ok with that. He charges $10 The things look really cool. I signed him up for swim team this summer and he has 3 boy scout camps. I taught him a lot about life and now he is at the age that he wants to use it without mom hanging by holding his hand. The kid could go to NYC and figure out the subway. That is all he has seen is taking control of life and making it what you want.
As for material objects he is getting better I told him in the end its love that makes a person rich. Its this middle school age so much pressure from TV to act and look a certain way. So SAD. The influence a commercial can have on a child is crazy. They think they need it all. Honestly I am so glad summer is here and the TV can stay off for the next 3 months he can spend it at the pool!

Next year he is in 6th grade and the top grade at the school they switched the classes around. 5th grade mixed with 8th graders was a bad combo. Teacher said he is a leader so maybe now that will show since he won't be hanging with the 8th graders.

[gemstone]

That's awesome Keri! You have brought a up a seriously decent kid, who will turn into an awesome young man Sometimes a little guidance and then going off into the real world, knowing that you're behind them is all it takes

[1234]

I taught this age and really love them, even though they are contankerous and hormonal. He's clearly a great, really smart kid.

Glad they aren't hanging wiht the 8th graders any more. That's too much of an age mix. There is a HUGE difference 5th grade to 8th grade.

[Karen]

Keri, I'm so sorry that Jacob felt the effects of you being so sick, but I'm glad you were able to pinpoint it. That means that there's a true reason behind his behavior, and that means you can find ways to help him change it! Giving him opportunities to be involved and a leader is a good approach. Kids are odd - they'll take any kind of attention they can get, good or bad. If he gets encouragement for being the good kid rather than the bad kid, he'll keep working in that direction! Kudos to you for doing what you're doing!!

[KSA]

Thanks girls...Glad you mentioned the hormones rustymyrtle. He has what seems to be a periond lol like how we act when we have pms. It really is a hard age and so much out there for them to get in trouble with. Now a days you walk on someones property and the cops are called it wasn't like that when I was a kid we played all over and neighbors & the community cherished kids. Now they put all of them into a group and consider them thugs or bad kids. None of them are we live in a middle class neighborhood with a ton of kids a few docs,lawyers and cops are living here trying to raise good solid kids with morals. Its not easy its a fulltime overtime job but we get paid with love and it makes it all worth it!