This is going to be SOOO long :-/

[jamisloan]

I bet this is going to be the LONGEST thread in here but I haven't ever been in a place with so many women that are going through the same things so I'm venting out my MASSIVE frustration (and also getting therapy relief by talking to myself in my head about it while writing it) so heeeeeeeere we goooo:

so in January I got a facebook friend request from a friend of mine suggesting I be friends with this girl. Instantly hit it off with her and we met and became best friends within a couple weeks.

Then in May had her birthday party.. I ended up with her brother lmao and then eventually started dating in June and were crazy in love already.

My sons 5 so he was going to start school in August and we talked and decided it'd be best to go ahead and me move in w him because we knew it was going to happen very soon but not sure if it was going to be before Aug and I didn't want my son to switch schools. So moved in, in July.
(June/July is when all my symptoms started coming back and I started having bowel issues).

His dad moved here from another state in March because he needed help so his dad lived there but he had a job and I was straight with that.

So then in August my bff (boyfriends sister) broke up w her bf and moved in with us too.

***boyfriend has 2 kids from a previous relationship one is 2 and one is 4.... bff has 1 kid who's 2... my son's 5 ------- I have my son all week and his dad has him on weekends. Boyfriend has his every weekend but never during the week and bff has hers 3 weeks a month***

So we are living in a 2 bedroom house (with a huge bonus/extra living room that we made into the boys room) and for my bff we converted the dining room into a bedroom.

So the living space is cramped, but it's not terrible. She didn't' have a job bc she was a stay at home mom but we told her we'd pay for everything until she got on her feet.

So me and my boyfriends dad don't really get a long because 1) he's an a**hole. 2) he's from the north *sorry for any Northerners... I'm not hatin... he's just the typical northern butthead rude old man type guy and I have never been around anyone like that being a southern girl and all* 3) he doesn't do ANY house work... like AT ALL ever.


So one day I get home and found out that the dad quit his job.

so now my bf and I are in a situation where we have 3 kids combined to support and now are supporting 2 GROWN adults and another kid.

needless to say I was pissed off to the max.

my friend ended up getting a job also so that helped a little bit with my frustration.

While the dad didn't have a job the dislike I felt toward him just grew because I'd come home and dishes would be piled in the sink, bathroom would be dirty, and he'd be sitting there watching TV *NOT LOOKING FOR A JOB *. And everyone in the house knows I watch my shows from like 7-9 depending on the day and everything... and so I'm a really nice person and felt uncomfortable asking him to let me watch the TV bc he was watching it *even though I WAS PAYING FOR IT*.

So my frustration with him grew more and more and more.
My friend's first paycheck was agreed by everyone to go toward her car (bc obviously if her car broke down she couldn't get to work and then ... back to square one) so we covered everything up until Monday of this week.

About 2 weeks ago the dad got a job.
and QUIT ON THE FIRST F'IN DAY.

I found out about that and almost started crying. Seriously. WTF!??!?!
My bf agrees with me but feels responsible since he is the one who moved him down here. (Which I get and up until now was cool... but enough is enough and it's ENOUGH).

**and due to our financial situation right now I have budgeted our money to a T and have allocated everything out-- even alcohol lmao**

Get home on Sunday night after taking ALL 4 kids trick or treating (which I will never do again* and I wanted a beer. The case that we *ME AND MY BF WITH OUR MONEY* bought hadn't been in fridge so we put it in there and I guess *even though he didn't ask nor get permission* the dad put 2 beers in the freezer. Since it was colder I grabbed it. drank it. got another one. at the same time bfs baby's mama came to get the kids and the 2 year old was asleep so I went and got him to carry him to the car.... and while I'm going to the door with a sleeping 2 year old in my hand and the bag of clothes in the other the dad goes..
"did you see a beer in the freezer"
me: "yes I took it"
him: "oh.. i put that in there for me"

and i freaking LOST IT. if i wouldn't have had 2 year old in my hands at the time I seriously might have had the cops called by our neighbors because it would have been over. over over over.

WHERE IN THE WORLD DO YOU GET THE AUDACITY TO TELL ME THAT THE BEER THAT I F*N BOUGHT, WHILE PAYING THE RENT AND ALL THE BILLS AND THE FOOD THAT YOU EAT AND THE GAS TO PUT IN YOUR TRUCK AND EVERYTHING ELSE, WAS FOR YOU!!!! GRRRRRRRRRR.

so i had my bf talk to him about this so that I wouldn't get arrested or end up killing him
and he did *told him he can't have our alcohol and stuff* and the dad got all defensive about it and was like "oh is this something that you want or does Jami" at which point my bf got mad ab bc it's been made clear that it's not like that. It's mutual with everything.. because we talk about EVERYTHING and that's just how it is.

So then I come home from lunch Monday and dishes in the sink... etc. And the dad is sitting on the couch watching TV again.. not looking for a job... so I did the dishes on my lunch break and then came home from work and cleaned the whole house.

And he never said a freakin word. No thanks. no nothing.
so my bf is now at the point i am and so he's trying to figure out a way to get back to where he was before he moved here.

**oh and my bff.. who we've been paying for since August and just got a job a week ago... I asked her if she could pay the gas/electric/water (all 1 bill) bill Monday bc we're short on cash -bc we've been paying for everyone else for 2-3 months- and she said yeah and asked if we'd be able to pay her back for our part on Friday.

What!!!? ugh.

and I couldn't react bc I know I'd come across too bitchy bc I know she wasn't thinking about it like that... but I'm going to have to talk to her about it bc... obviously we shouldn't nor should she expect us to pay her back...

anyways blah I'm dealing with all of this.
and then trying to get my sons homework done on the weekdays.
and then having at least 3 kids on the weekends two 2 year olds and one 4 year old.
and working a f-t job.
and having the pain I'm having. (which sucks even worse because I'm the "cleaner of the house" and so when i get bad pain and can't do anything.. the house gets so messy and then when I'm feeling okay I'll clean it but I over do it and then it's just repeating process.
and making Dr appts, scheduling this surgery.. which means I'll be not working for 1-3 days and no money for those days .

UGH.
I think I need a psychiatrist/therapist.

I feel better now that I have it all written down though.
And that I've learned to be a bitch when needed no matter what. ;D
hopefully the dad will leave or bf and i will just find a place for ourselves. *sigh* either way I sincerely hope it's sooner rather than later because I can't take very much more of this crap.

[JC]

Ok , WTF? i can't not even being to understand how complicated your living situation is. You guys are taking care of WAY too many people! And ungrateful people too! I think someone's foot needs to come down and people need to get off their asses and take care of themselves! You are WAY too young to be dealing with all of this! This is just insane!!! You're gonna lose your mind!

[pretty]

I'm with Jenaya. You are responding to life with far too much good manners, and respecting your elders way way too much. You are enabling these idiots to take even more advantage of you. Clean the house like this: all you f-ing freeloaders have been given a lot of slack. here's the deal: I am a kid doing adult work parenting working and cleaning up after deadbeats. If you want to live here, you better get this f-ing sty clean to my standards and keep it that way. I have a chronic painful disease and a kid and a boyfriend. I don't need to caretake anybody besides them. Love it, or get the f out.

Actually honey, you're not superwoman and you are digging your own grave here. Been there myself, minus all the kids. how do you do it? Get those deadbeats out of your house asap and give yourself a big prize as soon as you do it. i want UPDATES too babe. but THANK YOU all my measly problems seem weak and silly now, just what I needed. Thinkin of you, rock star girl! ((()))hugs from Pretty

oh and PS tell your BFF that you have paid her way and you're done, and you won't be paying her back unless she wants to PAY YOU BACK TOO. that should put it in perspective for her. selfish t**t! wow, this is fun....

[JC]

I was a pretty sloppy kid growing up. I had issues cleaning up after myself and my mom finally got mad one day and said, "I'm just going to throw whatever you don't clean up into the trash!"
LOL it whipped me into shape!
Tell them you'll throw their sh*t into the trash next time you find it all laying around. And if it's something like dirty dishes, pile it all onto their beds so they see their mess.

Seriously, you are doing WAY too much. Enough is enough!

[hellsbells]

Ever heard the phrase 'Shape up or ship out'? I heard one yesterday that made me laugh, during a training course. Ever heard of FIFO as a term? First in...First Out. Apparently, in the old ethos of the company I work for before being 'acquired', it means 'Fit In..Or..F**k off'. I think both phrases are apt here. Get rid, you don't need this burden, you're not Mother Theresa. If you don't stand your grouns these people will badly take advantage of you. If I were in either position of your friend or F-I-L - I'd be doing EVERYTHING in my power to show the appreciation you deserve. Don't put up with this sh1t.

[Karen]

You are being MAJORLY taken advantage of!

Nov 3, 2010 13:17:24 GMT -5 jamisloan said:

and having the pain I'm having. (which sucks even worse because I'm the "cleaner of the house" and so when i get bad pain and can't do anything.. the house gets so messy and then when I'm feeling okay I'll clean it but I over do it and then it's just repeating process.
and making Dr appts, scheduling this surgery.. which means I'll be not working for 1-3 days and no money for those days .

I hate to break it to you, but chances are you'll be out a bit longer after your surgery, and you may be feeling quite crappy for a lot longer after that. A lot of us learned the hard way about trying to over-do it after surgery, and it made recovery all that much harder (and longer). Save yourself some of that hassle and take control of this situation NOW rather than when you're drugged up, feeling like crap, and miserable after surgery. Really, you'll thank yourself later!!

[jamisloan]

Thank y'all soooo much for the much needed reality check.
Yesterday I got home from work and again.. sink full of dishes (the dad was home mon and tues-all day) so I started doing them. Our dishwasher is a piece of crap and when the bottom part is too heavy it can fall out. So I was holding the bottom part w my knee while loading plates and then had a handful of silverware in my other hand. The dad walks in the kitchen. Stands there for like 30 seconds... while I'm in the middle of doing this and then asks "can i get to the microwave real quick".
LMAO.
the microwave is on the side of the sink in the cornor and over the dishwasher. So I was blocking him.
I didn't even say anything. Just shoved the bottom rack back in, threw the silverware down on the counter, and slammed the door shut. Went to smoke and texted my bf that i'm done and told him what had happened (4 page text that had very obscene/offensive words in the whole thing.. I think I even made the word inf^^kincluded ).

And also told him that if he didn't go that I was going to HAVE to go see a therapist or something because otherwise I'm going to go crazzzzyyyy.

So long story short... He told his dad he had to leave by Monday.
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
I feel so much better already. Knowing that when I get off work... I'LL HAVE THE HOUSE TO MYSELF!!!! waaaaaahooooooooo.
I feel bad for my bf though bc (even though I really don't like his dad) it had to be a hard thing to say to your dad...
So we'll see what happens from here.
Hopefully it's fully understood that I'm giving it a week before I talk to him myself and refuse to pay for anything until he's gone.
But crossing my fingers that I won't have to do that.

**and I talked to my mom and she's going to come down and stay with me Monday after my surgery and Tuesday. I'm planning on going back to work Wednesday or Thursday? Do you think I should take off longer? I've never had any surgery EVER so I have no idea what I'm going to feel like....


Thanks again for all the awesome replies back. I really think that having someone else's view point on the matter (not family or friends or household) helped me to see how f'd up this situation is.

[Karen]

sounds like a good start to regaining sanity!

As for surgery, you might be ok but you might need more time. Depends on how you react to being put under, pain meds, etc on top of whatever the do to your insides! Might be worth giving your boss a head's up that you might need more time. Hmm, wondering if there are any threads about this already...