Very upset!

[sweety]

Hi, sorry for not being around but I have a lot going on! I used to come online but always was so pre-occupied that i cudn't understand where to start from? I never imagined the recovery would take so long (its almost a month since my lap).. plus all the emotional stress! I am sorry I am not in a state to tell you all but I am tired physically emotionally mentally and hormonally(if that counts?). I am sorry but am I getting too emotional i don't know?
Also every time i think i am getting better or a kind of pain is improving, something else happens.. Also I started having pus in my stitches 28 days after my surgery. I was wondering if the stitches have not healed up by now what would be going on inside me, it'll take a lot of time to heal i guess. M on a lot of minerals n vitamins n what not?
Ok but still a good news, I got my periods and I had normal menstual cramps, NOT a bit of those horrifying pain(touchwood).

My blessed surgeon has put me on lupron(that's also playing with my moods and body). I had this strange supernatural kind of feeling at 4am as soon as i woke up.. i was feeling i am somewhere between consiousness and unconsiousness but i was fully awake, i was feeling out of my senses!! that was the Worst feeling i Ever had! i am still terrified by the thought of it. I had to go to the emergency and they gave me 2 shots at 6am after which I was calmer! Now 6 days after this incident, m kind of ok but keep feeling groggy n fatigued, not well.
Is it ok for a husband to come and meet me only twice during this 1 month post surgery. (I am actually staying with my mum and dad as I won't be taken care of at his place at all, and his office is just an hour away from this place). I am the last of his priorities after his family and office. He is not even thankful to my parents n family for taking care of me in his absence.

My surgeon is a really good lady, just like a mother.. she explained to my husband that your wife needs you, she has undergone a major surgery plus all the hormonal stuff.. if you want to stay with her in future you should stay with her during this time.. she wanted to make sure that we shud stay together. My doc told him "its ur responsibility to make her feel secure and comfortable, will you do that?", and other stuff. Would you believe the moment we came out of the doc's room he started blaming me for things. I was so upset my doc arranged a psychologist for me to work on our relationship! I really love him a lot! but i can't ignore he's not responsible towards me as a husband should be to his wife. From the time i got married we had a lot of misunderstandings (cuz of his mum who can't see us together). it has all got so complicated and the person who's hurt the most is ME. I think my last chance of improving this relationship is this counselling we have just started. I really need it to work.
On top of that my doc wants me try for a baby after 3 months as she really believes i have really good chances to have one. I need him, I also need a baby n i don't want to lose 'this time', but what should i do?? I am so down with everything.
I was not able to continue with my job cuz of endo, no family life, i had to miss my exams for the laproscopy, what abt kids? i feel at times that there's nothing left in my life to move on!!

Ok enough of it i just wanted to vent! thanks for listening to my bla bla.. am i over-reacting if my husband hasn't come to see me and take care of me as he shud have? don't know? i just hope our relationship works out..

[pretty]

You poor thing. I also have a very unsupportive husband. Last night, he was bitching and moaning, and I just got in his face a little and said "I have been sick for the last 6 months. I am tired and at the end of my rope. You need to be supportive and you need to start right now." Then I walked away and did the dishes. About an hour later, he said to me that he was sorry I didn't feel well, and he said he would try.
Not a perfect world, men are a puzzle, and they expect us to be tough and healthy. Some of them have very little in the way of resources and strength to deal with the types of issues us girls are going through. Your man is probably totally in denial, and feeling like crap and confused. You may have to get your support from those who have an inclination to give it right now, like your folks, and give yourself a big break from worrying about this man and his issues while you heal. It may be the best thing. You can tell him "I am tired, I am in pain, and I'm scared, and I need support. Let's talk when I feel stronger and more like a wife." Sometimes they just need you to break it down for them.
Once you are less stressed and in less pain, you can worry about the relationship, the children, and all that.
Hope it gets better, and hope you find some peace with all this. Pretty

[Karen]

Very good advise, Pretty! I'm not married so I can't relate, but I know there was a time after my lap when I think my friends thought I should be better by then. And I was far from being better... I think they (and I!) assumed that a lap would fix me, that I'd be healed and back to being my 'normal' self, and I wasn't. Not only was I affected, but they were, too. I had to break it down to them and say this is what I'm going through, it really sucks, sorry if I'm not there for you like I normally would be, but don't shut me out because of this. One admitted that she was taking it personally when I said I didn't want to hang out, she didn't get what I was going through. Communication is critical (though usually I'm the last to communicate!!). But, so is getting well. State your case to your husband, but don't let yourself get too upset about it. It's not going to help you get better, is it? That should be goal #1.

Hope things improve in a lot of ways!

[sweety]

Ok, a bit more of rant - Ya, i really feel that if he can't make me feel better he should stay out of my business but he turns out on the doc's appointments, n then i start expecting things from him(as a husband) n then i get hurt.
He says he loves me but he doesn't know what is love or what responsibilites marriage brings with itself. Just saying "love you" all the time does no good in practical world. Whenever i try to tell my hubby what i am going thru n what i expect he starts the illogical blame game which i try to avoid at all costs.
That day he was out bla blaing and i just told him straight "if you can't stay in control of urself then stay away from me and leave me alone before i do something" and that's when he stopped all that sh**.
That's a lovely piece of advice Pretty and Karen.. n i feel more in control now (but couldnt help the outburst that day). And nice to know i am not alone to not feel well even after a month of my lap. I shud understand it takes time to heal..
I know first priority shud be my health.. and i am trying to stick to that from long.. but still at the end i serisously hope our relationship to work..
Thanks for sending me good wishes..

[pretty]

More Good Wishes..... Comin' Your Way..... Glad you're sticking up for yourself. Love is hard, right? With my hubby, I realize I love hime, and he's not perfect, but I have a responsibility to our future together to not be a 'doormat' for him to act out his anger/frustration on just becuase I'm there with him. Sometimes just being 'selfish' enough to stick up for myself snaps him out of his own self-obsessed, crappy behavior....
Let me also say , that in other ways, he is so awesome, that I will continue to hope for the best with the more difficult aspects of his personality. I hope for you that you can find a balance there.

Hope you're starting to feel a little better, Best, Pretty

[sweety]

Your good wishes are so welcomed Pretty, he had a counselling session today, and i'll have it on monday.. hope things work and we find a balance as you said.