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Post by lizzylou on Jun 20, 2010 18:33:18 GMT -5
So it was my ex's weekend. My parents asked him if they could take my son up noth for the weekend, he of course said yes (he usually gives him to someone else on his weekends). Halfway through the week he realized Sunday was fathers day. He told me he was going to come pick up my son and take him to the park by our house when my son got home. Dom (my son) was really looking forward to it. I get a text message today saying he won't be available (going to a bar) when my son got home, so I should have Dom call him. I figure if he wants to talk to his son on father's day he can call himself. (sounds bitter but it's a LONG story of me finally not doing everything for him and letting him be responsible for his own stuff). My son has been home for a few hours, he was playing and I go to check on him and he's sleeping in his bed! My ex calls me and wants to talk to him, I explained that he fell asleep. He wants me to wake him up because "come on, it's FATHER'S day". I said He didn't get a nap, he had a major weekend and when he gets woken up he's really whiney, and it's not a good idea. So he hung up on me and now starts the ambush of nasty text messages.
When he said "come on, it's father's day" I just wanted to say "then maybe you shouldn't have ditched your kid, I already had to pick up the pieces and comfort a crying 5 year old when he found out his dad wasn't coming when he said he was going to and left ME to explain why without making his deadbeat dad sound like a pile of dirt.
I try REALLY hard to shield my son from the reality of what his father is. I won't talk trash in front of him, and I make excuses for him (mostly to save my son's feelings). But today tested my patience.
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Post by Karen on Jun 20, 2010 19:55:30 GMT -5
Aw, sorry you have to deal with that. That's crap! I don't know what else to say other than I hope it blows over quickly.
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Post by lizzylou on Jun 20, 2010 19:59:40 GMT -5
He's been texting and calling me and my fiance, swearing at us that nobody will come between him and his son. it's ridiculous, we're just ignoring him because I'm not letting him create drama. he wants to blame me, whatever, I know the truth. He doesn't deal with his son on the day to day so he has no clue what he needs. Like every other addict, he needs someone to blame for the way his life is, and it has nothing to do with the choices he made. WHATEVA.
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Post by Kitty on Jun 20, 2010 20:03:36 GMT -5
What a jerk.
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Post by cherry on Jun 21, 2010 3:12:07 GMT -5
Ass. Well he proved that he didn't deserve to be celebrated this Father's Day. Karma's a bitch (maybe a woman) and can come back round faster than we realise. He should be grateful that his son is resting, and even needs a rest because he's had stuff going on, though unfortunately part of that exhaustion is due to being ditched by his father.
I can seriously sympathise about the phonecall situation. My dad left before I was born, long story short he didn't support me financially and I've only seen him enough times to count on one hand due to my mother sending me to London to stay with my aunt, his sister. Anyway as a man of the muslim faith, a few years back he made the pilgrimage to Mecca which is a place they visit as something that's necessary at least once in your life. Two days before, Christmas Day, he told my older sister who lives with him that he wanted to talk to me before he went. She told my mum, and I replied that I didn't want to cos I didn't know what to say. I was offended that he'd ruin my religious holiday by demanding to speak to me before he had to go face God (and probably make excuses as to why he's such a d*ck, as in all the Abrahamic faiths your family is of utmost importance so he's a deadbeat in the eyes of his religion as well as in general) in the end my mum made ME call HIM as she threatened to beat me severely. And you know what he had to say? 'Hi, how are you' and that was it.
It's gonna be a painful journey for your son to take, having to be disappointed over and over but one day he'll realise who his real parents are, biology or no. I understand that you're protecting your son, but sooner or later the truth will come crashing in, maybe it's time to make his father see the full effect of his selfish actions by having him explain to his son why a bar is more interesting to him than playing with his adoring son on a day dedicated to his love and (supposed) parenting. As for the calls and texts... can we sat completely misplaced efforts? If only he could take a step back and look at himself. He's lucky that your love for your son means that you are striving to give him a relationship with his father when you could easily have shut him down.
I'm sorry to rant but I think of the love and support from great parents like yourself... crappy parents make your job harder. You and your fiance should have celebrated each other for being everything your son needs.
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Post by lizzylou on Jun 21, 2010 7:29:11 GMT -5
They say you marry a man like your father...well Cherry, I did. He can't see how his own choices have led him to the consequences he doesn't like. It honestly is like a family trait of his. Growing up my dad was a deadbeat. To his own defense, he grew up in a very abusing and alcoholic household. He had a terrible father himself. I can't get into it but him and his wife play games with us kids, pit us against each other, drama, drama, drama! One of the nicer things he said to me when I was a teenager was "nobody deserves a b!tch like you for a daughter". Realizing who and what he was, was a very painful process. My mother always protected him, until I was about 20 and finally put my foot down and told her to stop protecting him because I see exactly what he is. To her credit, I respect the heck out of her for what she did. Lots of women talk smack about their ex's to their kids, but she allowed us to make our own choice. And my brother thinks he's a great guy and continues to play the games, that's his choice. Myself, I have decided that I won't become another victim of abuse (physical, emotional, substance, etc). So I've cut off ties with him because it was very unhealthy.
I hate that my son has to go through the same painful road I did (and you too cherry), it's so unfair that this guy acts like that and in the same breath acts like hes this wonderful father. it's SO frustrating to have to deal with.
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Post by JC on Jun 21, 2010 11:53:20 GMT -5
He's been texting and calling me and my fiance, swearing at us that nobody will come between him and his son. Nobody will come between him and his son except HIM. What a piece of sh*t. This really pisses me off. I really admire you for not trashing him to your son. That's the absolute worse to do to a kid when the parents bash the other. I really believe that kids will grow up and know the truth one day and it's better to let them figure it out rather than have them resent you for saying mean things about the "father." I think you should tell him, if he wants to see his son then he needs to put more effort and that you are too busy being his mother to be half a father too. GAH that makes me mad. He chose the stupid bar over his child. |
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Post by cherry on Jun 21, 2010 13:23:26 GMT -5
To me it wasn't painful so much as I felt a lack and now as an adult woman I see a big man shaped hole in my life that my grandfather did his best to fill. My mother gave me her version of the facts and to her credit didn't talk crap about him, I just realised from an early age that he wasn't actually in my life. I feel like knowing that myself, I wasn't hanging on for him to change and now as a grown up I have the luxury of calling him a pr*ck.
In retrospect it bothers me that a father can be like that, especially given that circumstances with my mother weren't good yet he never knew or asked about my welfare even. So it annoys me so much to see dads doing the same thing, dopey boys I went to school with, bitching about their ex girlfriends... all I could think was 'shouldn't you be taking your kids out instead of whining online about the mother'
My instinct is to tell him to grow up or get lost. As Jenaya said he needs to see he's the only one who will come between him and his son!
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Post by hellsbells on Jun 21, 2010 15:22:33 GMT -5
What a d*ck. My Dad wasn't perfect but he loved me and insisted on regular access.
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Post by lizzylou on Jun 21, 2010 19:02:20 GMT -5
I think you should tell him, if he wants to see his son then he needs to put more effort and that you are too busy being his mother to be half a father too. HAHAHA....you just made my night! I'm going to use this. Hellsbells - he insists on regular access, in fact he refused to sign the divorce papers until I agreed to give him 3 weekends a month. I didn't like it was he kept changing my son's visitation and nothing was set in stone until our papers were filed. My son needed the stability (he was 2 at the time) because he was getting really confused and upset that things were ever-changing. However out 6 nights a month he gets him, he spends at least 5 at other people's houses. My dad's family or his family. He rarely has him, but he can claim he "takes him" 3 weekends a month. This weekend is my weekend, Because he was SO upset about not seeing "his son" because he means SOOOOO much to him, i offered to let him have this this weekend. He said no, he has "some stuff going on", which is what he always says. Then he said maybe he'll take him Friday night. I'll drop him off at 6, he goes to bed at 7:30, gets up at 7am, and will be dropped off at 8. So, he must REALLY want to see him. I just have to laugh at how ridiculous he is. I'd love to live a day in his reality, because it's got to be like Alice in Wonderland or some other crazy alternate universe. The craziest part is his family and my dad's family (who i don't talk to), and my "ex" friends, all think he's this poor single guy just doing his best while I'm constantly being the B!tchy ex wife making his life suck. |
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