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Post by ccincurak on Mar 27, 2010 22:48:06 GMT -5
I understand how it's hard for people to understand what we are going through...but it's really really getting to me lately!! Especially with girlfriends of mine that can't understand why I can't go out drinking with them every weekend...so I get constantly b*tched at that I "never go out anymore"...but yet these are the same people that stopped talking to me as soon as I couldn't go out anymore. Umm..sorry that I can't drink when I'm on pain medication and trying to take care of myself!! grrr!!!  But just a rant.... |
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Post by hellsbells on Mar 28, 2010 4:13:56 GMT -5
No I get it. One friend in particular has been very slow to realise that I just can't do it anymore. I mean we're 35 now.....even without this I wouldn't want to be staying out til 4 am and having a 48hr long hangover!
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Post by Karen on Mar 28, 2010 9:46:35 GMT -5
Oh, I can relate to that one... I finally stopped getting asked, and when I confronted a good friend about it, she said she didn't want to ask because she just knew I'd say no. I finally had to tell her that I still wanted to be asked because at some point, I'd like to be able to say yes, but that when I wasn't feeling well, I just couldn't do it. She was really cool about it, she said she thought I was just pushing her away, but it was really because I physically couldn't go out! We made a pact to do other low-key things instead, and she's just as good of a friend as ever now!
Some other friends, though, took it personally and never made a point to understand. They're not really friends anymore. There wasn't a falling out or anything and I still see them on occasion, but I keep them at arm's length...
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Post by ccincurak on Mar 28, 2010 16:16:43 GMT -5
Yeah...it's so hard. It was one of my best friends boyfriends bday this weekend so everyone went out to celebrate but I couldn't go and sent him a message apologizing and I guess it was such a big deal that people are actually mad. I kinda get it b/c not many people in our large group of friends know what's really going on with me, so I guess at times it just looks like I'm snubbing them but really I don't want everyone knowing...don't know if that's a dumb thing or not but for right now it's something I'm keeping extremely personal. BUT my best friend DOES know what's going on with me and she was still upset. I just don't know what to say to people like her...people that know the situation and still don't seem to want to understand. What else can I say? Karen, I've tried to have the adult conversation with certain people (especially this one best friend in particular) but it seems like she will say one thing (that she understands) but will still get mad. I mean I always say I want to get together and do things like...going to the movies (if I can) or just renting a movie & sushi or just even hanging out and catching up but apparently it's not something she wants to do...just go drinking. I'm just a TAD frustrated and upset b/c I thought that this was a girl that would be with me through thick & thin. But at least I do have friends that understand and are VERY EXTREMELY accomodating  Those girls are definitely keepers  |
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Post by Karen on Mar 28, 2010 17:40:42 GMT -5
Hey, I was the same way with keeping things under wraps until I knew more about what was going on. Close friends knew, but no one else really did. Having pelvic pain is a really private thing!
No matter how much you talk to someone, they may never 'get' it. It's not your fault, people just have different perspectives and different priorities. And sometimes, people just react in ways that you never expected them to - both good and bad. Put yourself first, figure out what's going on with you and how you can get better, and the ones that care and understand will help you through it.
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Post by sunshine78 on Mar 28, 2010 20:31:14 GMT -5
Ugh, some people... you just can't reason with them.
Good that you have a few keepers, though. Maybe once the party girls that don't get it finally grow up, a little, they'll have their own personal light bulb moments.
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Post by JC on Mar 29, 2010 12:40:30 GMT -5
I had a friend tell me I was faking being sick today. I'm so hurt. Some friends.
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Post by JC on Mar 29, 2010 12:41:38 GMT -5
Doesn't this type of thing just make you not want friends? Sometimes I just want to give up being social and be alone.
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Post by hellsbells on Mar 31, 2010 13:54:53 GMT -5
I have some great ones that make up for the crap ones.
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Post by JC on Mar 31, 2010 14:56:16 GMT -5
^^^ awww I like that outlook! You're right! I have awesome friends too. And I have an even more amazing family. F* those F'ers!
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Post by lizzylou on Mar 31, 2010 21:17:43 GMT -5
One of the bosses at work hates me. So when I was home because I had a ruptured cyst (working from home mind you, when i would have prefered to crawl into bed with a pain pill), he starts asking around about how many hours I work because he doesn't think I'm putting in enough because of situations "like these". So this GUY at work has this chest cold and the boss says "wow, you should really go home and rest, if you need to take the rest of the day off no problem just go" and then made ME do this guy's work and told me I needed to be a team player.
WHAT!?!?
I think people don't care to understand. And they think we're making it worse that what it is. I wish my friends and fiance could feel the pain just one time, and then when they want relief the dr can shrug and say "not really anything I can do sorry, you need to deal with it"
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Post by JC on Apr 1, 2010 19:37:43 GMT -5
I don't think people take women's health serious at all. I've experienced so much where people are just so mean about what we go through. It's stupid.
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Post by struggler on Apr 1, 2010 19:42:46 GMT -5
Oh I so understand what you mean...people just can't understand.
It's a bit of a conundrum because I don't want people to feel the kind of pain I have...that would be cruel BUT at the same time people can't really understand unless they have suffered some kind of chronic pain in their lives and there are lots of people that never have.
I had my best girl friend give me guilt for not being able to say yes to more social outings and it made me so angry. Would she really want me to suffer more for the sake of being social? Of course not but since she can't physically see the pain I'm suffering it is impossible for her to get it.
I know that I have her support and love but she will never really be able to give me understanding. We had a really good talk about it which helped.
I think sometimes its because I try to hide what I'm going through so I can push through it so I don't talk about it and people forget I have a disease that I live with daily.
Luckily I have family and an amazing fiancée who is incredibly supportive and understanding or I would be completely lost.
Sometimes you just have to remind people of what you're going through for them to have some empathy.
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Post by ccincurak on Apr 2, 2010 15:36:31 GMT -5
You guys are totally right....we need to focus on the people that are there for us and try to ignore people that are ignorant. Sometimes its hard dealing with friends that suddenly disappear from your life and start talking crap about you. I have to deal with my boyfriends friend and his gf...calling me fat behind my back bc they don't understand what Lupron does to your body. Ignorance. Glad I have you guys to talk with it helps me a LOT!! |
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Post by lizzylou on Apr 3, 2010 9:36:51 GMT -5
I get so impatient when I hear women go "you have endo? I hate it when I have bad cramps, I know how you feel" NO...you don't have a clue. It's not just cramps during my period. Like Struggler said, it's a DISEASE you live with DAILY. Daily pain, and fatigue that comes with being worn down by daily pain, along with a long list of other issues that come up.
Instead of having one week a month where you feel crappy, I've got one week a month where I don't feel like total crap. Not even "feel good" just, don't feel like crawing into bed.
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Those girls are definitely keepers 
