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Post by hellsbells on Apr 2, 2010 16:37:57 GMT -5
You know, they can feel bad for him without hating you. Maybe you aren't their favourite person right now, but if they're worth having in your life, they'll soon realise it's not your fault. They probably already know it's not your fault, they might just want to protect him. I got so well with a few of my ex's family, and friends, but you generally can't keep them in your life and not break contact with the ex. Stop expecting this to all feel better too soon, but soon, it genuinely will. I'm sooo coming to Liverpool soon. How does the end of May (bank holiday weekend) fit in?
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Post by cherry on Apr 2, 2010 16:58:05 GMT -5
It sounds like a plan (but, in all seriousness I have to check my work rota... I am not joking! I signed a contract whereby I'm scheduled in for work, whether it's a bank hol or not! So no playing out over Easter for me!)
I promise I'm being sensible. His mum was the first woman I've managed to have a healthy non-fearing relationship with cos I had such a bad time growing up with my mum, and she said a couple of months ago that she loved me like one of her own. She has been there for me after my 3 ops and also when my mum threw us out (offered to pick me up after my diagnostic lap but instead I got my mum to come get me, who then screamed at me on the ward and got us a cab home... then made me pay the cab fare). I hate that I've lost that, cos yes I can't have my cake and eat it too. Sod's law! I dread the night I run into the cysters (hehe) as we like a lot of the same places and they are tres bitchy. They lurved that I came from the ghetto whereas they're a private schooled family.
I think I'm just feeling weepy cos I'm so so tired and I didn't get a job I wanted. So reflecting and self-pitying a little. I need to get a new hobby pronto so I can fill my head!
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Post by hellsbells on Apr 2, 2010 17:06:04 GMT -5
You know what, match.com can be so much fun and such an ego boost, and you can weed out the idiots first!
As for playing out over Easter........I worked a 13 hour day yesterday, been in 7 hours today and have to go in tomorrow. None of which is scheduled/paid but I'm hoping I'll get the time back and some brownie points!
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Post by Karen on Apr 2, 2010 17:25:33 GMT -5
Oh, Cherry, I know that pain (to a certain extent)! That SUCKS!
My ex boyfriend and I were really involved with his family. I don't have any family close by so it was so, so special for me. We had lunch with his grandpa once a week, would see his brother all the time, and had dinner with him mom a lot. They invited me in as part of the family. When he broke up with me, I needed as clean of a break as I could get, and although I know his family would have still kept me around and hung out with me, it was just way too hard to see them so I didn't. Months later when my ex and I talked, he brought that up, saying the breakup was hard on his family, too, and he gave me a hard time about not keeping in touch with them, that his brother didn't understand why. I sent his mom a birthday card months later, but asked her not to tell him about it because I didn't want to do it for the attention, I just wanted to let her know I was thinking about her after all that time. She really appreciated it. Just knowing that the people you used to look to so fondly would look at you in another way once the relationship was over was too difficult for me to see her again, though, and I just dread running into her out in public some day as I'm sure I'll break down in tears of the guilt of not keeping in contact. It's more than just a break-up - it's losing an entire family. Just heartbreaking.
{{Hugs to you!}}
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Post by cherry on Apr 7, 2010 16:11:27 GMT -5
When he originally broke it off at the end of January, he had told me to delete all his family and friends off facebook so that we wouldn't have contact, and to ignore any contact from his mum and sisters. I was heartbroken, which was his intention. He also told me that everyone in his family had asked why he bothered with me and that hurt me badly. I remind myself of this when I miss him, cos while I was deeply affected by his words, and more so by his intention to hurt me, all he can say is 'I don't know why I said that' And despite the fact that he is an arrogant and aggressive ass towards people sometimes, I know his mother will always side with him. He's her baby after all. I hate that I got attached. I'd rather be a little bit lonely and sometimes bored than be clinging to someone who loves control more than he loves me, and cuts me down to keep me dependant. I wish I'd never met him so we couldn't ruin each other  |
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Post by hellsbells on Apr 8, 2010 15:44:37 GMT -5
Who says you've ruined each other? You're both still so young, it may be that this has been a powerful learning experience for both of you to take forward into future relationships. I learned, roundabout your age, I'd far rather be single and content than with someone who made me miserable. Go easy on yourself xx
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Post by Karen on Apr 8, 2010 17:44:28 GMT -5
I echo what Helen said! I've been in some relationships that I thought I'd NEVER recover from, but in the end, I learned more about myself and who I was through those ordeals than I ever would have otherwise. You're a smart, insightful, thoughtful woman - I suspect you'll likely grow TONS because of all of this. Silver lining, dearie.  |
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Post by cherry on Apr 9, 2010 8:00:50 GMT -5
I'm totally on board with living and learning, which is the only thing that makes me get out of bed some days (like the day I wrote that self-pitying crap up there) its just that I know this should have been over a long time ago in hindsight, and that we've just fought and scarred each other when we could have ended peacefully and let each other move on years back. I honestly don't feel that after that and general experience that I have with important people in my life, that will ever trust someone enough to commit ever again. I'm just glad that I have the sense to see that in myself and not jumping into the arms of the first attractive man that gives me the eye. Which I would have done before this (I was a bit free and easy  ) I kinda like to be hard on myself, I was teased about everything as a kid so my motto is 'say it before somebody else does' Loving the words of wisdom ladies! I wish I could just absorb it all and get over the missing him part already. He's coming to get a couple of things he forget in about 5 minutes. Cue the tears. Damn I should have gone to the races! |
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Post by hellsbells on Apr 9, 2010 9:19:30 GMT -5
You're already more over it than I would be at this stage, I'm a nightmare after breakups. Do you feel you have full 'closure' on everything? Is there anything still niggling away at you?
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Post by cherry on Apr 9, 2010 12:36:20 GMT -5
Everything. I miss him everyday, because we did have our good moments where we were like best friends, and we had a day like that today, we went for a walk to talk and he laughed when I phoned the RSPCA about a duck with a limp because 'it's just what you do' So even though I have created distance since he flipped out on in me in January, I miss him so much from the little things in life like shared interests. Half of me is gone and I really don't know who I am or what my future is at this moment in time. I don't know whether I want a family, what I'm going to do for a career, whether I want to even stay in the UK or emigrate. I'm lost, but rather than panic and break down like I would have done, I'm trying to just forge ahead. So I'm very intense when I'm at work right now! I thik I seem over it because I was working so hard to accept what was wrong before it ended. He finally saw a doctor who listened about what he'd done wrong, she accepted that he has a problem and referred him for treatment. I feel like I should be there because I know and understand, but for the sake of my own mental health and for us both to move on... well we have to cut all ties. He really honestly thinks he can change but my feelings have changed now. Enough was enough and I know we'd only fall back into old habits. |
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