Post by KSA on Feb 18, 2010 9:46:19 GMT -5
Yeah after all this time my doc gave me the ok to go back to work. I started back monday for 8 hours and then just 4 hours last night tonight and saturday. So far so good. I had alot of pain when I came home on monday so I went to bed right away and was in bed all day tuesday but I did the shift. I see my doc next week to discuss what hours work best for me.
At work everyone has been nice but very distant from me it is not like how it was before. We were all like family before and now I walk in and a hush is over the library. It is uncomfortable for me but I can tolerate it. I do not know what changed maybe just life and it has nothing to do with me? Only one lady has asked how I have been feeling she has cancer so I know she understands chronic illness. The rest just kinda act like I was never gone. I have just been keeping to myself but so happy to see all my favorite patrons. All of them have asked how I feel and are so glad I am back. They are why I work at the library anyways.
I am speaking to my boss today about a possible hour change and maybe going to 5 hour shifts. I know my docs will write it off for me so I am not worried about that only that other employee's will make it a issue. I figure if I am already going to be treated like this and I am in pain working a 8 hour shift why go on like that. If they are pissed I was off anyways then they can get pissed I am going to 5 hours. We lost a employee and if I am there more days it will make up for the abscense of that employee it will actually help the library but I am not sure anyone will see it like that. I am not trying to be a problem to them but my husband said if it is too much tell them now you have to think about your health first. He is right I can not afford to go back into a surgery because I was afraid to say how I felt and pushed myself to a breaking point again.
I noticed last night when I came home after a 4 hour shift that my mind was not so with it. Slurred speech and confusion. I laid down as soon as I could. I am sure that may have something to do with my neurological problems and my iron levels and ferritin levels are still not normal. I go for blood work next week to check to see if they have increased since my last surgery. I lost alot of blood that day so even tho my levels had increased from my hyster I had to start all over again. My hematologist said 6 monts to year to get normal. My rheumotologist said it may never be what is considered normal if I have Lupus anemnia is a sypmtom that does not clear unless I have a iron infusion. Since I am allergic to that the only way is not bleeding and eating high iron foods. Even with that I will still not be normal. It amazes me how low iron can effect my brain like this. I also think stress will bring on confusion and my headaches too and seizures so I am trying to keep work people at bay and not let it bother me.
I have a good 5 to six hours a day before my mind just does not want to work I noticed it monday too. I had a hour break in the middle of my day and took a nap. It was much harder to concentrate after break then before. I have to discuss all this with my doctors. I know it when it happens. My husband and son usually tell me I am not making sense. Well this morning when I woke up I saw some funny stuff. Waffles were in the cabinet and so was the syrup. LOL I also got stuck on some words later in the night too at work. I called trophys statues and a few other mis wording. I am glad now I know the word is not right so I can ask what it is. My new thing is describing something and then someone is able to tell me what the word is I am looking for. It is difficult at the library to do that at home Seth and Jacob are used to it. I really do have a insecurity about this it is hard to be a degreed women it a field that words are everything. I was not always like this so it makes it even worse. I know I can work thru it tho it is not easy but I can do it:)
Wish me luck...
At work everyone has been nice but very distant from me it is not like how it was before. We were all like family before and now I walk in and a hush is over the library. It is uncomfortable for me but I can tolerate it. I do not know what changed maybe just life and it has nothing to do with me? Only one lady has asked how I have been feeling she has cancer so I know she understands chronic illness. The rest just kinda act like I was never gone. I have just been keeping to myself but so happy to see all my favorite patrons. All of them have asked how I feel and are so glad I am back. They are why I work at the library anyways.
I am speaking to my boss today about a possible hour change and maybe going to 5 hour shifts. I know my docs will write it off for me so I am not worried about that only that other employee's will make it a issue. I figure if I am already going to be treated like this and I am in pain working a 8 hour shift why go on like that. If they are pissed I was off anyways then they can get pissed I am going to 5 hours. We lost a employee and if I am there more days it will make up for the abscense of that employee it will actually help the library but I am not sure anyone will see it like that. I am not trying to be a problem to them but my husband said if it is too much tell them now you have to think about your health first. He is right I can not afford to go back into a surgery because I was afraid to say how I felt and pushed myself to a breaking point again.
I noticed last night when I came home after a 4 hour shift that my mind was not so with it. Slurred speech and confusion. I laid down as soon as I could. I am sure that may have something to do with my neurological problems and my iron levels and ferritin levels are still not normal. I go for blood work next week to check to see if they have increased since my last surgery. I lost alot of blood that day so even tho my levels had increased from my hyster I had to start all over again. My hematologist said 6 monts to year to get normal. My rheumotologist said it may never be what is considered normal if I have Lupus anemnia is a sypmtom that does not clear unless I have a iron infusion. Since I am allergic to that the only way is not bleeding and eating high iron foods. Even with that I will still not be normal. It amazes me how low iron can effect my brain like this. I also think stress will bring on confusion and my headaches too and seizures so I am trying to keep work people at bay and not let it bother me.
I have a good 5 to six hours a day before my mind just does not want to work I noticed it monday too. I had a hour break in the middle of my day and took a nap. It was much harder to concentrate after break then before. I have to discuss all this with my doctors. I know it when it happens. My husband and son usually tell me I am not making sense. Well this morning when I woke up I saw some funny stuff. Waffles were in the cabinet and so was the syrup. LOL I also got stuck on some words later in the night too at work. I called trophys statues and a few other mis wording. I am glad now I know the word is not right so I can ask what it is. My new thing is describing something and then someone is able to tell me what the word is I am looking for. It is difficult at the library to do that at home Seth and Jacob are used to it. I really do have a insecurity about this it is hard to be a degreed women it a field that words are everything. I was not always like this so it makes it even worse. I know I can work thru it tho it is not easy but I can do it:)
Wish me luck...