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Post by Karen on Nov 17, 2011 21:43:36 GMT -5
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Post by Karen on Dec 10, 2011 9:42:13 GMT -5
So I was at book club last week and we got off topic. Somehow, we started talking about fooling around with guys back in our high school / college days, and finding ways to avoid being caught by our parents. One of my friends was caught in a compromising position by her mom, who in turn told her dad, which led to a prompt trip to church and driving around the block several times (while her boyfriend was still at their house!). Finally, her dad (a very religious, stoic man) spoke, and this is what he said, "A stiff d*ck has no conscious." OMG, we just about DIED laughing! Things you never want to hear come out of your dad's mouth...
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Post by JC on Dec 10, 2011 21:08:32 GMT -5
HAHAHAHHAHAA how embarrassing!!!!!
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Post by omaklackey on Dec 10, 2011 23:47:25 GMT -5
I was working today and the Nurse is telling this story and he says real serious like, "yeah this guy has TSTS syndrome?" and we go "what is that, I've never hear of it", and he answered "to stupid to survive".
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Post by 1234 on Dec 11, 2011 14:49:33 GMT -5
Karen, your story nearly killed me with laughing. That guy sounds EXACTLY like my father. I think he said almost that exact line to me, in my teenage years. oh, my poor preacher father...
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Post by Karen on Dec 11, 2011 15:17:50 GMT -5
Glad you enjoyed it as much as we did! We howled for a good 5 minutes, at least. Total bonding moment. Perhaps your dad and her dad subscribed to the same parenting magazine? And as for TSTS, too funny! At least he's smart enough to use an acronym!
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Post by Karen on Dec 17, 2011 8:26:34 GMT -5
For those of you fortunate to have kids to mess with this holiday season, may I propose this: youtu.be/q4a9CKgLprQ
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Post by JC on Dec 17, 2011 9:50:57 GMT -5
OH. MY. GOD. KAREN!! That had me in tears!!!! But at the same time, I want to rip my uterus out and throw it in the garbage disposal! Pretty good birth control if you ask me! LOL
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Post by Karen on Dec 17, 2011 10:01:30 GMT -5
Ha ha, I know, right? One of the girls at work sent me this, and I sat at my desk trying REALLY hard not to laugh out loud. My favorite was the compliment to her mom's cooking, like hot pockets, buffalo wings, etc.
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Post by JC on Dec 17, 2011 10:57:27 GMT -5
HAHA yeah I liked that one too. "I like when you make REAL dinner... like hot pockets!"
Too funny. Good birth control though. Geez, what a bunch of brats.
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Post by Karen on Dec 22, 2011 18:40:37 GMT -5
O.M.G., you guys, things NOT to say at work!!!!!!
Let me preface this by saying one of my hobbies is refinishing wood furniture. Stripping off the finish, staining it, and refinishing it. That's a crucial bit to the story...
So I'm on the phone today with a subcontractor. We're trying to finish construction on one of the projects I inherited from a girl that is no longer with the company as of last week. Lots of loose ends to tie up. One of those items is how to get the stain on new wood doors and trim to match a new stain over the existing wood doors and trim. The painter suggested we just paint the trim in lieu of staining it, since stripping trim is a lot trickier than stripping a flat door. ...You with me so far?... So in my attempt to let him know I understood what he meant, I said, "Yeah, I know what you mean, I've done a lot of stripping in the past." I quickly realized what I said and followed with, "Uh, that came out wrong." and he didn't bat an eye, just kept on talking. So then, I had to spend the next 5 minutes on the phone with him trying to stifle laughter. OMG, I wanted to DIE!!!!
After I hung up the phone, I shared with a few of my team members and we were all in stitches.
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Post by 1234 on Dec 22, 2011 20:40:36 GMT -5
That's pretty unfortunate, Karen! I've done some really unfortunately things in cubicles, most notably talking to my brother about bicycle repair. The little things that hold the spokes tight in a wheel are called "nipples" and they are the things you turn with these special little wrenches in order to make the wheel run straight (mechanics call it "true")--not wobbling side to side or up and down.
Well, nipples can get frozen from age/rust/you name it and are also made of brass (a very soft metal--easy to strip), and my brother was trying to work on an old wheel, so I had this whole conversation in a cubicle, with 3 male cube mates, about lubricating nipples to soften them up, twisting nipples gently to make sure they're ready, making sure not to strip nipples, going gently with old nipples, etc etc etc. I was in total bike mechanic mode, and didn't think about it, until I hung up, adn my 3 cube mates descended on me to figure out WHAT in god's name I was talking about!
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Post by Karen on Dec 22, 2011 21:37:56 GMT -5
Ah, nipples! Great source of entertainment, especially when you were clueless!
Reminds me of when my dad was at my house a few years ago helping me replace my hot water heater. He was outside (my HW heater is in a service closet off my patio) and I was inside, and he was telling me what to write down on the shopping list. He said nipples, then pretended to rub his own for clarification...
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Post by Karen on Jan 10, 2012 21:17:13 GMT -5
So I worked late tonight and one of my friends called. It was all I could do to not die from laughter at work when she told me this... So my friend has a 14 year old daughter. Recently, my friend was in bed watching TV and her daughter came in and laid down. She snuggled into bed and put her hand under the pillow, and a short while later, excused herself to go to the bathroom and didn't come back. Sounds pretty innocent, right?
Well, later on, her daughter spilled the beans. She told her mom that when she was in bed and reached under the pillow, she found 'it'. She said she had a hunch about it for a while, but didn't expect to find it. Yes, ladies, she found my friend's vibrator! Then she went on to say that she excused herself to go to the bathroom to wash her hands. All the way up to her elbow. Three times. Then, she figured as long as she was being open about things, she said she found her mom's 'personal trimmer' in the bathroom drawer, too. And she was appalled that her mom put it in the bathroom for anyone to find. And then she admitted that when they were packing for vacation one time, she saw condoms in her mom's luggage. Luckily they're able to talk about stuff like this and my friend has a pretty good sense of humor about things. OMG, I was dying laughing listening to the story! Can you imagine??
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Post by cloudyrain on Jan 19, 2012 2:51:53 GMT -5
Arriving home thoroughly depressed from the hospital I pulled up outside the house to see my cat sat in the bay window of the living room looking aggressive tapping on the window. I looked over to see my other cat sat in the bay window of my neighbours house! I found it hilarious that one cat had managed to escape and get in next door (he is a cat burglar and Harry houdini all in one), but also that even with a whole property separating them they were still trying to fight!x
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