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Post by lollipopcrush on Jun 9, 2009 7:23:05 GMT -5
Hello everyone! I was just wondering how many of you have had suicidal thoughts that are directly related to having endo? I know that I have in the past, and sometimes still do. My therapist knows about it and I don't think I'd ever do it, but sometimes waking up in the morning is overwhelming when the pain is there. How normal is this?
xoxo Brandi
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Post by italialynn on Jun 9, 2009 9:32:05 GMT -5
I would say that having suicidal thoughts is NEVER normal. I truly hope you are under the care of a therapist/physchiatrist because it is not good at all that you are feeling this way. It is never easy to deal with a chronic disease that can leave you in debilatating pain everyday, but it's certainly not a death sentence. There are plenty of us on here that have severe stages of the disease and live fairly normal lives. It's possible, you just have to find the will to do it. Being on hormone therapies is a serious thing and can leave alot of us with the "crazies." Have you tried any alternative therapies or some light forms of exercise to increase your body's natural endorphins? Do post a bit more about you and your situation in the intro section....
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Post by Karen on Jun 9, 2009 17:27:26 GMT -5
Brandi - I second Italialynn - suicidal thoughts aren't normal. Depression, sadness, anger, hopelessness are all things I can relate to, though. I think many of us can. I'm glad you're under the care of a therapist and hope you are able to make progress. Any chance you're on any meds that could be making these thoughts worse? My darkest moments were when I was on a particular drug, and promptly got better once I stopped taking it. Or are there any meds you'd be willing to take to help with these thoughts? I hope you're discussing this with your doc as well! There's no shame in asking for help.
Stick around and you'll find that there are lots of things that many women have been able to do to get some/all of their lives back from this disease - different treatment methods to cope with the pain and symptoms, and different coping mechanisms for it all. Stick around and you'll find that you're not alone. For me, that in itself has been a huge help!
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Post by cherry on Jun 9, 2009 19:10:11 GMT -5
I understand the suicidal thoughts. My breakthrough came when I actually laid out to my doctor exactly how I planned to do it, and to see that understanding in her, knowing that someone finally knew the details of my mental pain and understood why I had come to that point... It was a huge help for me. I think your therapist knowing is good, always having someone that can discuss any movement on these feelings is vital to keep you from going off the deep end. I know it wasn't just the endo that caused it no, but then I don't have the worst symptoms that I've heard of, and I can understand why it'd cause people to want to end it. But (and I say this with cautious optimism) having come out the other side from that darkness less than a month ago, there is hope I promise you. As the girls have said, these feelings are not normal no. I have heard that it's not unusual to go through some mild depression with a longterm problem like endo, say if you're having a bad time with the pain or othe symptoms. But no, it's not expected that endo sufferers would want to die. For me, it was a combination of bad things building, and my health deteriorating was the last straw. I got help from everywhere. I spoke to some of the gorgeous girls on here, told my boyfriend (who I expected to be useless but came through for me and truly saved my life) my doctors knew, my little sis knew and 2 colleagues in work knew. for me, the key was not letting it be my secret, and to focus on what other people told me of their experiences. When I felt the feelings were too strong, I refused to leave the house as I didn't trust myself to cross a road I've always felt that the suicidal feelings were a betrayal of my true nature, and as helpless as I felt with them, I tried to fight them in little ways. I don't know if this is my own phase or if it's due to mental illness from my mother's side, but whatever you feel is the underlying cause, always seek help. Tell anybody you can, let them listen and understand, let them talk and tell you that they need you around, and believe them. Try to see your way around the problem, remember what life is like when it's not so bad, and remember the pain isn't forever. When things were very bad, I just constantly reminded myself how awful it'd be to have my loved ones find me, and I made sure I was with someone or in touch with someone who kept me talking. We're always here to talk ok.
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Post by ouchy on Jun 9, 2009 23:40:08 GMT -5
I very much hope that you are under the supervision and care of a professional.
Cherry is proof that it can be overcome.
You might take comfort in reading what all Cass goes through on a daily basis and what all she has gone through surgery-wise.
Welcome to the forum. I hope the forum brightens your day a bit.
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Post by KSA on Jun 10, 2009 8:42:03 GMT -5
I agree with everyone I really hope you are seeing a doctor for this. It is hard to have a disease that causes so much pain but all of us have a reason to live. I find myself thinking of others that have it much worse than I do. I have a friend who has had breast cancer and now cancer of the spine and everyday has a smile on her face. It can really put things in perspective when see someone fighting cancer! Call your local Crisis Center if you are having thoughts of suicide and they can direct you to the right place for care.
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Post by jjuls22 on Jun 10, 2009 8:58:44 GMT -5
i am with you in having the suicidal thoughts, when i was on lupron i was at my worst. I made sure that my fiance knew to stay close and keep an eye on me. For awhile he was afraid to leave myside. I would go upstairs and hide and he would come up there and tell me that i had to get up, i had to get up and do something to keep my mind off of how bad i thought things were. Although i would never have the guts to do it. just the thought being there was bad enough to make things even worse. I was able to get my anti-depressant dosage increased which helped a lot and just having my fiance know, helped me as well. He made sure to keep me active and keep my mind from wandering to places it shouldnt be going. I hope your therapist helps you conquer these thoughts, and maybe think about going on some type of anti-depressant or anxiety meds to help you get out of the hole your in. Hang in there. We're all here for you!!
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Post by hellsbells on Sept 11, 2009 13:15:43 GMT -5
From what I've read, it's quite a normal reaction to coping with a chronic condition, life just grinds you down. About a month ago my mum popped in to see me and found me curled up on the sofa sobbing. She thought I was in pain but it was a relatively pain free hour or so. I was fantasising about pills in the drawer, sharp knives, driving into a brick wall and chucking myself down the stairs (figuring this one could look like an accident....lol). Anyway the upshot is the next day I woke up and thought...'what the hell..?'. At no point when I had these thoughts did I genuinely seriously consider it, but it's more a case of 'I don't want to be here anymore/What's the point?' kind of thing. I live on my own, and sometimes wish I had someone around to perk me up, although I do have some fab friends and family. The thing to remember is that there are still so many good things in life to enjoy, you just gotta keep getting up in the morning and trying
xxx
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Post by omaklackey on Sept 11, 2009 13:49:49 GMT -5
Well Atherhel, I promise you are not alone anymore and I know everyone will second me on this! If it gets bad just pop online and we will do our pain and drug induced best to cheer you up! ;-)
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Post by hellsbells on Sept 11, 2009 14:29:30 GMT -5
Cheers! I'm a good shoulder too! And call me Helen......:-)
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Post by omaklackey on Sept 11, 2009 17:44:05 GMT -5
cool Helen, I'm actually Karla and I totally get what you mean. It is very typical of chronic pain conditions to have the thoughts of giving up. Its the reason we need support groups to cheer each other on!
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Post by sunshine78 on Sept 11, 2009 23:09:11 GMT -5
Lolli, I've been depressed, before, though not suicidal. Mine was brought on by stress, but the main culprit was a particular birth control. Please talk to your doctor, or if you don't want to talk to YOUR doctor, find some other doctor that maybe specializes in these things.
The best thing you can do for yourself, right now, is find someone you can talk to. Believe me, everyone on this board knows that this is a very, very hard thing to deal with, sometimes. But... as long as you know there are people out there, whether you know them or not, that you can talk to, that can relate to you, on some level, things get just a little bit brighter, even when it's really, really ugly.
Bear in mind that certain drugs take a few weeks to start producing noticeable effects, but as long as after a certain period of time, you notice some kind of improvement, it should continue to get better.
Something I can recommend for mood improvement is light therapy. When I start to get a little blue, I open all the blinds on the windows, or turn on all the lights in the house. I also have people I can talk to that, even when we're having the shytiest days ever, can make me laugh, and quite likewise.
If you dig around on certain forums on the board, I guarantee you'll find something that'll make you at least crack a smile, if not do a full-on spit-take.
You're in my prayers.
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Post by bluelight22 on Dec 16, 2009 21:34:47 GMT -5
Hey! I didn't read everyone post. But I also had the same problem. It was my birth control pill I was on. One of its side effects was suicidal thoughts and because I was dating someone that was emotional abusive it really brought out the side effect of the drug. When they switched the drug the thoughts where gone in a month. So I say check out the drug you are on too.
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