monira
Full Member
Life is always exploring something new.
Posts: 117
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Post by monira on Jun 15, 2007 17:09:07 GMT -5
My mom thinks it happened because of my food habit (not eating enough and right). She thinks if I take care of my health I will over come this endo. She don’t understand how serious this is but try to tell me always be strong and don’t act like you r sick. Because, it’ll take you over. On the other hand, I have a very nice and supporting husband. He is giving me all support I need last 6 months (after endo diagnosed). He encourages me to be strong and don’t think negatively. He is still positive and don’t behave like I am a sick person. I am so lucky to have him in my side….
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Post by cherry on Jun 16, 2007 1:54:02 GMT -5
I think the mentality of 'don't let it take you over' is good but what your mum has based it on is obviously not fair! It's great that your husband is so supportive though. You always need at least one person onside xx
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Post by ouchy on Jun 16, 2007 6:14:11 GMT -5
I agree with cherry. Also, your mom could help you by giving you ideas of how to change your diet to hopefully improve your symptoms, but yah. She's being way harsh! I'm glad you have such a supportive husband!
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Post by cas3332 on Jun 16, 2007 8:02:11 GMT -5
My mom understands because she had endo. Majority of everyone ese does not understand the pain and suffering that go with it. The hardest thing for me is I have had to break alot of pans with people becuase of being in pain. I try to plan ahead but at times you can't control when your pain comes out of no where and especially when your at work thats the worst.
Carrie
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Post by kb on Jun 16, 2007 22:42:36 GMT -5
I tell my friends these days i dont commit to anything anymore when they ask me to things. I just say yeah id love to and i will if i can but making no promises.
If they get annoyed with that answer i come back with the 'i dont commit to anything anymore', and they know im not well, so then they feel guilty for even questioning, lol.
Ive been told a number of times the endo is because i dont eat red meat, lol. This is from very uneducated people on the subject. I groan inwardly when i get that, but now my husband understands it so well that rather than me stumbling over words trying to explain well actually no its bad for endo, thats not true at all. He does it before i can, and cause it comes from my hubby people dont pursue it anymore. The argument but your anaemic can come into it, but then i try and explain the internal bleeding thing, people dont understand that bit, but the fact that ive come up with a legitimate answer stops them even if they dont believe me.
The best way i find to deal with others, is to know your stuff, do alot of research so no matter what people ask or say you have a well researched answer. Try and find well researched info to back you up even more.
Mothers are another matter i find, they will always know more than their daughters, but just keep plotting little seeds of info into their heads until they think they came up with the info themselves. Then theyll be telling them stuff you told them, lol (well thats what my mum does anyway, lol).
It is harsh what your mum said monira, she has a point in some ways about the diet, but its much more complicated than that. It can be hard to explain to people the seriousness of the illness because so many people have it to such varying degrees, so its hard for most people to understand that it can actually be very debilitating.
Maybe get your mum online and show her some pictures of what it looks like inside when women have it. It might make the condition more real then, rather than just 'menstrual problems'. Its easy for people to put it into that category and not understand the implications it can have for women.
Im completely honest with everyone now, i try not to hide it (though its hard not to being in long term chronic pain does that i think). When people know at least to some extent, even if its just the knowledge that your sick, most will be much more supportive. Some wont, and thats something we all have to deal with, but it in the end at least shows peoples true character (even bosses) to see how they deal with that knowledge.
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monira
Full Member
Life is always exploring something new.
Posts: 117
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Post by monira on Jun 18, 2007 13:52:00 GMT -5
cherry, ouchy, and Kb,
All of you are right. I also felt the same when I got this respond from my mom. One thing I didn't tell you. My mom lives in Bangladesh. Though she is a professional person since I born, Most of the people like her in Bangladesh used to be less informed persons. They just needed to know their job better. My mom is not a health concern person at all. She almost doesn't go to dr. as we do here in USA. Though peopel of Banglashe are now more upto date. My mom still hasn't change. I think she have little idea about health food! Also, I saw that she always had heavy bleeding and pain in her period time. I think, she might had end which we never had a chance to know! Isn't all these strang for you???
Yeas Kb, I wish I could let my mom know what in actually going on inside. I wish I could get her in front of Internet. But, I am so far and We never get the chance to see each other after my lap! Whenever we talk over phone, 80% of her talking is eat well, eat good....But, doesn't know what food is good for me...
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Post by cherry on Jun 18, 2007 14:10:06 GMT -5
My father is bangladeshi but luckily he has decided to get as much information from my older sister as possible about it, and he is very medical minded. I know that even though we haven't spoken for a long time, he prays for me every day. Until recently I didn't appreciate that kind of unconditional love. I think sometimes as long as their heart is in the right place, it doesn't matter whether they understand everything that is going on xx
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Post by ouchy on Jun 18, 2007 14:15:32 GMT -5
I dated a Bangladeshi guy for a while. He always cooked some type of funky fish.
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Post by vatechgrad on Jun 18, 2007 15:01:51 GMT -5
My family and friends have been great. They are all very concerned and care alot about me. I don't talk about it all that much, but all them can tell when I'm in pain and just trying to power through things. I'm sorry you guys have dealt with such negativity. I've had many of them say they don't really understand it, which is fine, they try to understand, but not one of them believes I'm faking it or anything.
Janet
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monira
Full Member
Life is always exploring something new.
Posts: 117
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Post by monira on Jun 19, 2007 18:06:24 GMT -5
It's nice to hear that some of u know about Bangladesh! Yeha...we eat a lot of spice fish. but, most of the BD boys are not good cook. Did u like that fish Ouchy? You r lucky Janet to have all these positivety. But, still we've to fight day to day basis with endo. Know one know for sure if we can totally kill this endo or not....Everyday starts with trying to forget this...
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Post by sequin on Jun 19, 2007 21:07:50 GMT -5
I told my mom last night about my upcoming laparoscopy. She was helpful, which was a pleasant surprise. I never know what I'm going to get from her. But it turns out she's had friends with endometriosis, so she was pretty cool about it. (As opposed to the time she told me to "snap out" of my depression.)
Next up: the sister we call "the Robot" and my very strange dad. Not looking forward to either of them.
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Post by cass on Jun 19, 2007 21:34:13 GMT -5
I am so lucky that all my family completely understand and have supported me the entire way since being diagnosed. I think reality hit them and how serious this disease was after my operation 3 weeks ago, Beofre the op they were always trying to help me find answers to my symptoms... Friends on the other hand were very different. They labelled me a "piker" as i could not attend social gatherings with them due to pain etc.. they thought my period pain was never as bad as what i would say and would always comment on their menstraul cramping each month. I t was very upsetting, but again i got alot of messages from them after surgery saying they had no idea it was this bad! Grrrrr!!!
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neina
Junior Member
Posts: 63
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Post by neina on May 9, 2012 23:02:46 GMT -5
Soo.. Not exactly sure if this fits here... But...
I drafted an email to my mom telling her about endo, and my diet change and my infertility issues. But here is the problem I run into when I hover my mouse over the "send button"...My mother is very umm...controlling? Well, she thinks and tries to be. She is also the kind of person to try and fix everything and tell you exactly what and when to do it... For example, she frequently tells me "NOT to have children for a very, very long time", despite the fact that I am married (going on 4 years and am an independent adult). I am sure some of you can relate? I do love my mother very much, and don't want to freak her out or hurt her feelings at all. Anyways, I decided to tell her about my endo experiences because I feel like I am deceiving her or something by keeping it from her. I determined that email will be best to tell her with, due to her personality. In the email I tried to explain a lot of the troubles I have been facing with endometriosis, including my infertility. In doing so, I am afraid that it will come across almost rebellious (because she has told be not to). Should I try to omit that part? I could really use some advice in this area. I would rather not tell anyone. Not that I am embarrassed, but it is just personal and I don't want to deal with explaining things to people, including my family. I could really use your advice! Am I going about it the wrong way?
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Post by 1234 on May 10, 2012 6:08:44 GMT -5
Every relationship is different, so whether it's the right or the wtrong way to communicate is hard to say. The decision to use email makes sense to me, given the description.
The only thing I really have to say is prepare yourself for an unpredictable response, and one that goes on for a while. Everyone has to go through their own process of learning about and accepting this disease, including people that are close to us (friends, family, significant others). I would go ahead an put the infertility part in, IF you are willing to discuss it with her and deal with her reaction. If that is a conversation you don't want to have right now and you'd rather focus on explaining the disease, then I'd leave it out.
I hope it goes well, Neina. Good luck!
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Post by semicolon on May 10, 2012 6:22:50 GMT -5
I agree with Rust. I know you said you've been wanting to tell her about the endo for a while so I think it is good. It may lead to any reaction so be prepared! Why is it that she wants you to wait to have children, because you are young? Ultimately that is your decision, and of you are honest with your mom I hope she would understand. It is very hard to talk about these things with family, but it can feel better after to not feel le you are walking around with a big secret.
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