kara
New Member
Posts: 13
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Post by kara on Oct 5, 2008 19:05:46 GMT -5
I had surgery about 10 weeks ago for the 4th time. I hurt so bad today. I can't even sit or stand without being extremely careful and slow or pain just shoots through me. I have tried to keep positive throughout this whole 12 year nightmare. I have done what the drs said, I have had the surgeries, from top endo drs too. But I feel like I am sinking into a giant pain filled hole and there is no way out! I am on the verge of tears 24/7 now. I have even thought lately...many times, how it might be better to just end it all. I have 2 young kids though and can't stand the thought of not being here for them. But I swear I am at my wits end. I snap at them when they dont deserve it ..I actually dont even know what else to write I am so lost. My mother is bi polar so I can't go to her for help, my husband is great but doesnt understand how it is possible to hurt all the time. I even have pain that I didnt before this surgery that cant be explained by the drs. It is just one thing after another. I guess I am pretty good at hiding it by now, no one seems to notice. I tried some different hormonal things, they just give me massive headaches. Not willing to try Lupron. I don't even expect responses to this really, as it is just good to vent and know that somewhere out there someone is feeling like I do. I sit at church every Sunday and hear the prayer requests for people who have died or are diagnosed with some horrible disease and realize there are always people worse than me, it used to make me feel a little better, but now I think that at least at the end of some of their problems there is peace.
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Post by jjuls22 on Oct 6, 2008 15:08:23 GMT -5
hey kara, im sorry you're in so much pain. As im at work right now i too feel the same emotions you do! Ive been on anti-depressants for about 3 months now, before that i was a crying mess, an emotional mess and a suicidal mess. Now approaching the 3 month mark on the meds i am forgetting things, i feel like im in a fog i have headaches and im constantly tired (more endo than anything) I now having anxiety on top of all of this b/c im worried that me forgetting everything might cost me my job, which i NEED for healthcare. Im letting things get by me that never would have happened before and i find myself chasing my tail more than i need to. I cant go off the meds, im too scared that i too will take matters into my own hands. Im going to see my doctor about having my ovary removed and lupron. Those are my LAST two options, id rather have the ovary removed than attempt lurpon, but I have to do something, im fading fast and the world around me is turing into a blur. Ive been through emotional therapy, pelvin pain therapy, two surgries, severe constipation, severe bloating, continuous BC, organic eating, herbs etc... i cant find the right combo and im growing extrememly tired. You are NOT alone in this battle. Please seek help for your depression, your two kids would be scarred for life if you took matters into your own hands. I'll pray for you.
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Post by rach on Oct 8, 2008 1:08:50 GMT -5
Hi Kara, You are defintely not alone. I hope you find the strength to seek help for what sounds like severe depression. It can be hard to ask for help, but there are always people who are willing to listen, if nothing else. They might not be able to cure the physical pain, but there are lots of options (anti-depresants, anxiety meds, therapists, hypnotherpay, counselling, etc) so please don't feel that it is a hopeless situation.
Dealing with it for 12 years must be hard, i think you need to give yourself credit for that and for raising two children. I hope you find some comfort soon. Please take care of yourself.
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Post by rach on Oct 20, 2008 2:21:39 GMT -5
Hi Kara, Thought i'd drop a quick line and see how you're going, i hope things have improved since you posted this a couple of weeks ago. Let us know how you're going
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