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Post by ouchy on Jan 10, 2007 1:33:17 GMT -5
Okay, should we also add a "virgin" section on the forums? We have a "teen" section and are trying to boost a "lesbian" section, but not all teens and lesbians are virgins, and not all virgins are teens or lesbians, so maybe it should be a room in its own.
What do you guys think about a section for virgins w/ endo? I know when I was still a virgin (early 20's) that I would have appreciated a forum like this w/ a "virgin" section, even though I hadn't been officially diagnosed!
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Post by jjuls22 on Jan 10, 2007 12:08:26 GMT -5
I dont think it's necessary, we all feel some what of the same pain. A lesbian section i can understand, but a virgin section kind of makes me want to say, can i have a "brown hair" section. if your a virgin or not, the pain is still there. getting diagnosed would be difficult but i think they could learn alot from women who have experienced getting diagnosed and be able to compare. I am but one voice though, ;D
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Post by erzulie on Jan 10, 2007 16:30:35 GMT -5
I agree, I think it's only a little different for a virgin. The only difference is that you don't really know the answer to the question "does it hurt when you have sex?" I don't think you're treated any differently because doctors still see you as having the potential to get pregnant in the future (and of course good doctors don't care if you want to get pregnant or not). Besides everyone on here is either a virgin or a former virgin, it's not like it's hard to find someone to relate to there!
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Post by ouchy on Jan 10, 2007 16:37:17 GMT -5
Besides everyone on here is either a virgin or a former virgin, it's not like it's hard to find someone to relate to there! I guess we could also say that everone on here is either a teenager or former teen. Obviously, I think it would be a helpful section to at least a few; however, I also believe in what people on our forum want, so looks like I am at this time outnumbered. I also think it is a little bit different from a section for those w/ endo with "brown hair" as was the anaology in an earlier post, and I think it is obvious why it is different.
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Post by erzulie on Jan 10, 2007 17:01:42 GMT -5
I knew you were going to say that about the teenagers! The thing is, teenagers usually like to talk to other people their own age. The adult experience is way different, and it's too easy for us to get preachy/motherly when talking to our youngest members, which is not what they really want. Most people define their identities pretty strongly based on things like age, sex, sexual orientation, etc. Virginity or lack thereof is not, in my experience, what most people consider to be a major part of their existence. Also, while being a teenager or a lesbian might make a huge difference in how the disease impacts you, I'm not sure how being a virgin does make a significant difference. Besides it would open up a lot of ugly debates about how "virgin" is defined. I really don't want any members who have been raped but who have not had sex agonizing over whether they have the right to post there or not.
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Post by cherry on Jan 10, 2007 20:39:59 GMT -5
I't s hard one, it would be good for again others to feel represented as the sexual experience, lack thereof and how you are treated with regard to all of that can be one of the single most influential factors in your treatment and how you are treated as a patient. Is there the facility to create subsections? like a forum within a main forum. There is always the risk of things becoming over complicated or unintentionally segregated as well though. Is a no sex forum an option? So people can post without any sexual references. And maybe make it easier for those who don't want to talk about the sex aspect for any reason, to post... there may well be asexual members out there too.
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Post by ouchy on Jan 10, 2007 20:49:38 GMT -5
Yah. Humm. I have no idea. Subsections sound like a good idea.
I think that how much a person's virginity being a part of her life depends on many different factors. I can tell you that to me it was a HUGE part of my life, something I partially defined myself by. It was something very special to me and I had for a very long time. It may sound weird for those who don't' cherish it much, but to me (and also my virgin friends) it was a very big part of my life. It was part of my identity. I loved being a geeky, bookworm virgin who didn't look "geeky!" I also think had I been sexually active my endometriosis may have been diagnosed sooner. Relating to a gynecologist as a virgin is probably just as weird as how a lesbian would relate to one. ...Just my opinion.
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Post by ouchy on Jan 10, 2007 21:18:34 GMT -5
Is a no sex forum an option? So people can post without any sexual references. And maybe make it easier for those who don't want to talk about the sex aspect for any reason, to post... there may well be asexual members out there too. Humm. Maybe we could combine one as "Virgin/Asexual/Celibate" forum.
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Post by cherry on Jan 10, 2007 21:27:34 GMT -5
You could call it 'no sex please' I think that maybe as you have mentioned in the past, the just for fun section could be renamed in the direction of 'fun and chat and stuff', so people can bubble on bout other things, and not feel that it 'has to be' funny or happy, just normal stuff and outside of endo. With all the new sections expected, it could be a meeting place of sorts, cos I'm sure we all get sick of endo at some point and would just like to get to know each other more!
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Post by erzulie on Jan 10, 2007 22:25:44 GMT -5
I have an idea...people could form chat groups based on whatever they want. If the groups get large enough, they could form a separate section if they want to. It could start out as just threads in the "Just for Fun" section and anyone could start such a thread. Perhaps it could be just a place to run off at the mouth and find people you have things in common with. Virgins could look for other virgins, Catholics could look for other Catholics, construction workers could look for other construction workers, etc. Each mini chat-group could have a thread of their own and could schedule personal chat room times if they wanted to. That way, it would keep the forum from getting too messy. I think it's okay to have a few groups focused on certain people if their experience is different enough to have plenty to discuss and a reason to need people to relate to. Otherwise it will look like we are just dividing everyone up and we're going to be full of rooms based on religion, location, career, marital status, etc. You can make an argument that the experience is different for any group of people, but we can't make a section for every group. At some point we stop looking inclusive and start looking divisive. I think in order to start a new group we need to either have a very strong argument for its necessity, or a significant number of people saying they want it. I have thought of an idea for something we might consider, though: how about a section for women who are menopausal or post-menopausal? For some women endometriosis problems persist even after menopause and it's very hard for them to be taken seriously. I think it would be very useful to those dealing with natural and surgical menopause, and those who are experiencing false menopause due to drugs might get some use out of it as well. I don't know if we have any members who fall into that category right now, but I can see it as being useful. It's just a thought.
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Post by cherry on Jan 10, 2007 22:46:39 GMT -5
I can definitely see how it would break down to a forum of too many sections, which may end up with very few members. I think it's a case of as and when needed unless it's a very obvious one like teens, menopause related (though I think with regards to induced menopause, posts should be made only asking advice in dealing with menopause symptoms or you could find it hijacked by medication based threads) and a lesbian section. The non sex/virgin forum I think is still iffy, but saying no to that would again throw the other specialised sections into question too! Confusing!
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Post by ouchy on Jan 11, 2007 0:18:56 GMT -5
Well, my husband actually came up w/ a good reason not to have a "virgin" room--predators. He also thought the name "Just for Teens" might be risky w/ predators on the internet, since on this forum you don't even have to be a member to post (not that being a member validates a person as a non-predator). Which brings another thing to mind. Maybe we need to add some ground rules, especially in the teen room, about posting location and personal logistics. As of now our forum is still pretty difficult to find on the internet since we are still so small, but as we become more and more well-known, we will have more freaks visiting the site...and hopefully that WON'T be due to a "virgin" or "teens" search.
I think just a thread for virgins is fine--if there is a virgin who wishes to post one. I guess a room really isn't necessary. Does that mean we should delete several of our existing boards w/ only 6 or 7 threads--like "Financial Advice" and "Progesterone Advice Swap?"
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Post by ouchy on Jan 11, 2007 0:23:32 GMT -5
... menopause related (though I think with regards to induced menopause, posts should be made only asking advice in dealing with menopause symptoms or you could find it hijacked by medication based threads) I agree. I think it would have to be for menopause other than induced. Cherry is right that if false menopause is included, it will be hijacked and turned in to a Lupron room.
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Post by erzulie on Jan 11, 2007 16:58:50 GMT -5
You may be right about adding the extra rules in the teen section. I'm not sure what they would need to be though. As long as nobody arranges to meet anyone else I think it's unlikely there will be a problem, but if you can think of anything in particular they shouldn't say please go ahead and put it in there. I think it's low-risk right now, although a virgin section really might be inviting trolls--I hadn't even thought of that. I definitely agree that a thread would be plenty where virgins are concerned--I know what you mean about the experience being different, but I just don't think it's different enough to deserve a separate forum. As for the menopause one, I didn't mean it would be totally for Lupron-users too--just that there might be occasions when those in false menopause might need to ask a question of those in real menopause. I would be in favor of starting that section without ground rules and adding them later if it seemed necessary. Also, I agree that the two sections ouchy mentioned should go. They just aren't used enough. I think people could ask for finincial advice on the general board, and the progesterone threads should be in the Alternative Treatments section (which, while we're on the subject, I've been thinking for a long time should be renamed "Natural Treatments." I think some people are creeped out by the word "alternative." Another thing I've wondered about, although I'm not so sure, is whether we should add a section for related medical problems. We have several threads for things like PCOS, IBS, interstitial cystitis, etc. Those are all things that a lot of people with endometriosis have, but they aren't part of endometriosis, so maybe they should have their own board. My only inhibition there is worrying that it would get taken over by completely unrelated conditions. We could make a list of things people could post about, but it would be ahrd to make the list complete. Perhaps we could just start it and see how it goes? The occasional thread about the flu wouldn't be such a bad thing as long as it wasn't happening a lot. What do you guys think?
I feel like we're playing Extreme Forum Makeover or something...
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Post by cherry on Jan 11, 2007 18:27:47 GMT -5
it's good to look over everything once in a while, look at all the good ideas so far. So maybe the menopause, lesbian and related conditions sections can be added asap Defo think the related conditions one is long overdue just like the other 2. Rather than groundrules and lists as such, just a guidance post at the top of each section? There are so many things that are a knock on effect of endo that we'd never run out of stuff to talk about!
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