Post by suzymart on Dec 14, 2006 9:13:13 GMT -5
Hi guys, does anybody have parental/ husband issues? Mine get along fairly well but my parents have always been a little overprotective and my husband is more of a "do it yourself" guy although he is quite caring.
He thinks that I should be as independent as possible after my surgery (which happened three weeks ago today). The endo they found and treated via laparoscopy was quite extensive (done on 23rd nov) and I was given sick leave until this Monday. During my recovery at home he was very helpful [although busy working shifts and trying to get money to pay down on a property we are buying - so much was going on] but for the whole two weeks my parents would come over every day/ evening and we felt we didn't have much space. It was very helpful and needed especially the first week when I had to have it (I was so helpless) it but it really started to get to my husband in the end although he was still being polite with them out of respect/ love for us. I sort of didn't mind all the care at first because I had to insist with my husband that I will not be driving before Christmas. I just don't feel ready. So they balanced each other out for the first week and I was ok and extremely grateful.
However, I had been hoping for a bit more "alone time" in the days in the seond week when I felt better, because since being married I don't get much of that!! Instead, I felt practically under 24-hour watch for a little over 2 weeks. Selfish to say, but there you have it!!
Yesterday, I had a few pains in the ovary area. This was the first day I really had a bad day since the surgery. My guess was a little overdoing it and of course being beack at my desk job although I was generally taking it easy. Mum went away for a work assignment for a week and came back on Tuesday, but I called her yesterday and said let's get together today for lunch. I didn't want any visits last night as I wanted to go to bed by about 6/7pm. This was my first "bad" day since the surgery. This morning as my hubby and I were leaving home she was in the complex car park on a surprise visit asking if I am sure I should go to work today. I hate stuff like that!! I am a responsible adult (32 this month and married!!) and this was a laparosopy, not a laparotomy. Also, despite the fact that my husband mentioned the pain I felt yesterday to her this morning when she called by cell (a bad tactical error, I told him, because my parents will overreact) I am not feeling any pain today and do not feel like I am overdoing it. I have also read that a part of recovery is moving around a bit as this promotes healing. Coddling is defintely not good!!
Does anybody have any suggestions/stories about how to deal with these situations? I love my parents and husband but each time I think the umbilical chord is cut my parents have overprotective moments. The other night we were out at the movies (Sunday) my dad called to ask why I wasn't home as I would be starting back work on Monday. I just wished I hadn't answered the phone.
How do I strike the balance between being grateful and appreciating the many blessings that god has given me, while being independent from my parents. Please bear in mind that I am from the Caribbean and families live closer here and we have a different parent/ family culture to say, the US or the UK. Less independent and bigger on the extended family. However, I grew up in the UK so I have to admit I am a bit British too... Some people write to these boards who have really unsupportive friends and relatives, and I feel so sorry for them, so I feel a bit guilty writing all this, but I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting space and not being treated like an invalid. The whole thing is really annoying my husband and I am married now so I really have to be careful of stuff like this.
Help!!!
He thinks that I should be as independent as possible after my surgery (which happened three weeks ago today). The endo they found and treated via laparoscopy was quite extensive (done on 23rd nov) and I was given sick leave until this Monday. During my recovery at home he was very helpful [although busy working shifts and trying to get money to pay down on a property we are buying - so much was going on] but for the whole two weeks my parents would come over every day/ evening and we felt we didn't have much space. It was very helpful and needed especially the first week when I had to have it (I was so helpless) it but it really started to get to my husband in the end although he was still being polite with them out of respect/ love for us. I sort of didn't mind all the care at first because I had to insist with my husband that I will not be driving before Christmas. I just don't feel ready. So they balanced each other out for the first week and I was ok and extremely grateful.
However, I had been hoping for a bit more "alone time" in the days in the seond week when I felt better, because since being married I don't get much of that!! Instead, I felt practically under 24-hour watch for a little over 2 weeks. Selfish to say, but there you have it!!
Yesterday, I had a few pains in the ovary area. This was the first day I really had a bad day since the surgery. My guess was a little overdoing it and of course being beack at my desk job although I was generally taking it easy. Mum went away for a work assignment for a week and came back on Tuesday, but I called her yesterday and said let's get together today for lunch. I didn't want any visits last night as I wanted to go to bed by about 6/7pm. This was my first "bad" day since the surgery. This morning as my hubby and I were leaving home she was in the complex car park on a surprise visit asking if I am sure I should go to work today. I hate stuff like that!! I am a responsible adult (32 this month and married!!) and this was a laparosopy, not a laparotomy. Also, despite the fact that my husband mentioned the pain I felt yesterday to her this morning when she called by cell (a bad tactical error, I told him, because my parents will overreact) I am not feeling any pain today and do not feel like I am overdoing it. I have also read that a part of recovery is moving around a bit as this promotes healing. Coddling is defintely not good!!
Does anybody have any suggestions/stories about how to deal with these situations? I love my parents and husband but each time I think the umbilical chord is cut my parents have overprotective moments. The other night we were out at the movies (Sunday) my dad called to ask why I wasn't home as I would be starting back work on Monday. I just wished I hadn't answered the phone.
How do I strike the balance between being grateful and appreciating the many blessings that god has given me, while being independent from my parents. Please bear in mind that I am from the Caribbean and families live closer here and we have a different parent/ family culture to say, the US or the UK. Less independent and bigger on the extended family. However, I grew up in the UK so I have to admit I am a bit British too... Some people write to these boards who have really unsupportive friends and relatives, and I feel so sorry for them, so I feel a bit guilty writing all this, but I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting space and not being treated like an invalid. The whole thing is really annoying my husband and I am married now so I really have to be careful of stuff like this.
Help!!!