Post by kb on May 28, 2007 1:40:33 GMT -5
I wasnt sure wether to post this or not, but in the end i think it will help my grief to do so.
Some of you may have noticed i have dissapeared for a bit from this forum, which is bizarre since im usually here daily.
Last november my father was diagnosed with a rare blood disorder called AMD (myodysplasia), like a precursor to leukemia. Its worse than leukemia in the fact that it is harder to treat, and the body behaves the same. This was a shock, as my father was never sick, never had a real sick day in all his working years.
My dad went into hospital for treatment with a bone marrow transplant several months ago, the treatment required aggressive chemo. We were told from the start that the treatment only had a 50% success rate, but no one thought much of that, coz if he didnt undergo the treatment he would have died, most likely much sooner.
The treatment itself worked, and in the end my dad died without the disease. Cruel irony. His body reacted badly to the chemo and in the end he spent a total of 55days in ICU. The first admission was only 3 days, and 2 days after being admitted back to the ward he was back in ICU and intubated. Things got progressively worse, he nearly died several times, but in the end he had multiple organ failure and his body was wasted away to nothing, my father was a big strong man so this was heartbreaking.
We found out 2 days before he died that he was not going to make it, that all hope was gone, he could not possibly survive. All the family came to see him of course to say goodbye, i had many beautiful moments with him at the end and got the chance to tell him how much i love him and what he means to me. The last day the family was there for 6hours, we slowly had things turned off as he lost consciousness. My dad was so strong and such a fighter he only started losing consciousness in the last 2 hours and was unconscious in the last half hour. He died surrounded by 15 family members who all love him dearly.
My dad was 55, and the grief im feeling is incredible, i dont know how long it will take me to move on from this, and i know ill always grieve for him, and i love him so much i never want the hurt to go away, and will never forget him.
I felt the need to post this to help me with my grief. Its been 7mths from diagnosis till death, we buried him last thursday. Its been the worst 7mths of my life and i have no doubt the severity of my own illness has been directly connected to the health of my father. I spent 7mths stressing about him, developed insomnia which at the time i attributed to the pain, i now know it was worry.
I have become so ill in all this, that this past week or so i have needed a walking stick to cope with all the activities surrounding my dads death and funeral. At the hospital my husband had to push me around in a wheelchair.
The pain of this illness is nothing compared to the pain of my dad no longer being in this world to love and protect me. I still feel his love and know he will always be with us.
I wrote this as a tribute to the great man my father was, he fought with every ounce of strength he had till the end. When my mother told him he wasnt going to survive he told her he would keep fighting. He was true to his word, he spent many months unconscious but came awake in the last week to say goodbye to his family. His strength is inspiring, and for my dad i will keep working as hard as i can to get better, and intend to make him proud with the strength i have because of him and all he taught me.
I love you dad and miss you more than words can express.
Some of you may have noticed i have dissapeared for a bit from this forum, which is bizarre since im usually here daily.
Last november my father was diagnosed with a rare blood disorder called AMD (myodysplasia), like a precursor to leukemia. Its worse than leukemia in the fact that it is harder to treat, and the body behaves the same. This was a shock, as my father was never sick, never had a real sick day in all his working years.
My dad went into hospital for treatment with a bone marrow transplant several months ago, the treatment required aggressive chemo. We were told from the start that the treatment only had a 50% success rate, but no one thought much of that, coz if he didnt undergo the treatment he would have died, most likely much sooner.
The treatment itself worked, and in the end my dad died without the disease. Cruel irony. His body reacted badly to the chemo and in the end he spent a total of 55days in ICU. The first admission was only 3 days, and 2 days after being admitted back to the ward he was back in ICU and intubated. Things got progressively worse, he nearly died several times, but in the end he had multiple organ failure and his body was wasted away to nothing, my father was a big strong man so this was heartbreaking.
We found out 2 days before he died that he was not going to make it, that all hope was gone, he could not possibly survive. All the family came to see him of course to say goodbye, i had many beautiful moments with him at the end and got the chance to tell him how much i love him and what he means to me. The last day the family was there for 6hours, we slowly had things turned off as he lost consciousness. My dad was so strong and such a fighter he only started losing consciousness in the last 2 hours and was unconscious in the last half hour. He died surrounded by 15 family members who all love him dearly.
My dad was 55, and the grief im feeling is incredible, i dont know how long it will take me to move on from this, and i know ill always grieve for him, and i love him so much i never want the hurt to go away, and will never forget him.
I felt the need to post this to help me with my grief. Its been 7mths from diagnosis till death, we buried him last thursday. Its been the worst 7mths of my life and i have no doubt the severity of my own illness has been directly connected to the health of my father. I spent 7mths stressing about him, developed insomnia which at the time i attributed to the pain, i now know it was worry.
I have become so ill in all this, that this past week or so i have needed a walking stick to cope with all the activities surrounding my dads death and funeral. At the hospital my husband had to push me around in a wheelchair.
The pain of this illness is nothing compared to the pain of my dad no longer being in this world to love and protect me. I still feel his love and know he will always be with us.
I wrote this as a tribute to the great man my father was, he fought with every ounce of strength he had till the end. When my mother told him he wasnt going to survive he told her he would keep fighting. He was true to his word, he spent many months unconscious but came awake in the last week to say goodbye to his family. His strength is inspiring, and for my dad i will keep working as hard as i can to get better, and intend to make him proud with the strength i have because of him and all he taught me.
I love you dad and miss you more than words can express.