sks
New Member
Posts: 5
|
Post by sks on Dec 31, 2006 14:49:35 GMT -5
Hi everyone, I am new here. I introduced myself in the intro thread. I needed to vent and possibly get some ideas on how to deal with how I am feeling.
Lately I have been feeling like a gigantic yo-yo. This depression "thing" seems to get so much worse at Christmas time and as a new year begins to roll around. Since I am single, I begin to feel extremely lonely....I begin thinking about how alone I feel, If I'll ever find anyone, If I'll ever have any children...especially now with the diagnosis of the endometriosis. There have been severeal new babies born to families in my church. My sister-in-law also just gave birth to their third child. I don't know why I let the babies bother me so much.....except that I want my own. However, being single does not help. I know the depression is getting bad when my dreams get invaded. Yesterday, I had this dream that seemed to last forever. In the dream I am pregnant. I am on this property with lots of tables and chairs and 2 story buildings. All of the sudden these huge, mean dogs come out of nowhere, barking, growling and snapping at me. I run and jump on a chair to get a way trying to grab onto the balcony, then I am hangning onto the balcony with the dogs still snapping and growling at me....the next thing I know I'm in the hospital telling the doctor's I am ready to have the baby, they take me back, then I am out of the hospital and all I can think about in the dream is that I didn't remember the labor, and I don't have the baby. I don't know why the dream is bothering me so much. I am tired of crying. How do I get out of this funk? (i'm already on an antidepressent).
Sorry if I have rambled.
|
|
|
Post by erzulie on Dec 31, 2006 18:48:49 GMT -5
I understand how you feel, at least partly. I usually feel a bit depressed right after Christmas. In my case I just hate when it's over. The only thing to look forward to now is spring, and that's a long way off. Also I too am single and I've been feeling lonley lately because of it. I feel wistful when I see other people who have someone to kiss at New Year's or under the mistletoe, and worst of all that I don't have a soul mate to share things with. It can be pretty depressing!
I'm not an expert on getting out of funks, but I do have a few suggestions:
1. Be grateful for what you have right now. A few months ago my cat died, and he was my whole world. During the 15 years I had him I was definitely grateful, but after he died I found myself thinking of all the time I had wasted by stressing out over stuff that seemed like a big deal at the time when I could have been enjoying him while I still had him. Probably I couldn't really have spent any more time enjoying him, but it still helped me to put things into perspective. Anything or anyone you have right now could be gone at any time. If you lost your family tomorrow, would you feel you spent the time you had with them wisely or would you feel like you spent too much of it thinking of what you did not have? When I had my cat I kept thinking I couldn't wait to be married, like I would readily fastforward through all the single stuff, not thinking about the fact that I wouldn't have him anymore by then. I don't know if this is making sense but the point is, enjoy what you do have right now instead of worrying over what you don't have. It will make you feel a little better to think about how lucky you are. If you have a church comminity where you feel accepted and a family who loves you and nieces and nephews to be involved with, you have more than a lot of people ever have. Don't waste time feeling guilty about that--feel happy! Feel grateful! 2. Make the most of your time being single. It can be hard because maybe you want a family right now more than you want anything, but now is your time to be single and childless. What could you enjoy now that you won't be able to enjoy when you have a family? Part of your funk is probably thinking how much more you'd enjoy yourself if you had a family (I often have similar thoughts), so to get out of it you need to think the opposite. When you're doing things only single, childless people do, think "I'd better enjoy this while i can." I've never known anyone who didn't miss certain things about being alone after they had families. It's sort of a "grass-is-always-greender" situation, but it doesn't have to be. If you don't want to spend your whole life wishing you were somewhere else, you need to find the things that are nice about where you are now! 3. Let go and trust. You mentioned going to church, so presumably you believe in God. Maybe you should ask yourself what kind of God you believe in. Do you believe it's God's plan for you to be miserable? If so, I'm sorry! If not, then you have to trust that either you will get the family you dream of, or you will end up being just as happy without it. The latter part might be hard to believe, but it would do you good to start pondering the possibilty. When I have lost something and I have been looking for it for so long that I'm starting to think it's lost forever and I decide not to get all upset and to just figure i didn't need it that bad anyway, that always seems to be the moment when I find it. I have often wondered if that is a lesson I've been learning over and over--that it's important to learn to do without things. Another way of looking at it is that maybe it's easier to find stuff when you're not panicking over what you will do if you can't find it. In other words, if you can convince yourself that it will be okay if you never get married or have children--if you can trust that it will happen if it's meant to be and that if it doesn't happen then it's not meant to be--then it may be easier for you to find your mate and start a family. And if it doesn't work out, then at least you will have figured out how to be happy anyway. It's a win-win situation! It also helps to believe that even if your dreams do come true it may not be in the way you imagined. If you spend time listening to other people's stories you'll often find people who never aren't living the life they imagined at all--but that believe the life they have is even better than what they imagined. It can be hard to rearrange your dreams but if you ever find an opportunity opening up for you, don't automatically dismiss it because it isn't what you had in mind.
Ok now I'm rambling so I'll shut up. I hope at least part of what I said made some sense!
|
|
|
Post by cherry on Jan 2, 2007 17:35:05 GMT -5
Hi sks, I know the feeling with the nightmares, I had very vivd nightmares from when I was 11 about losing babies and pregnancies, things you wouldn't want to hear, and waking up for those first few moments you feel such dread and pain. It knocks you so much even though it came out of your own subconscious. Then you start to wonder what the hell is going on if thats what you dream of at night? Don't let it hurt you. My nightmares came back after i was diagnosed with endo, like some sick prophecy telling me 'yep you're not having babies, you knew this when you were 11...' It is after all a dream, not a fortelling of the future, not reality. Just your worst fears playing out. I found watching a cartoon film when I woke helped, cos I fell back asleep with cartoon characters in my head... so much fun! Maybe your doctor can look into changing your antidepressants, and getting you a professional to speak to. One thing I know is that once you know you have a problem and are looking for help and talking to others about help, you are in the right frame of mind to get better. Being single may be a blessing while you are sorting out your thoughts... when you meet someone they will probably be impressed at how sorted you are! Being alone at times of hardship is better than being with the wrong person! Hope you feel better soon xx
|
|
bad19
New Member
Posts: 20
|
Post by bad19 on Jan 16, 2007 0:45:34 GMT -5
Hi sks I know exactly how you feel... minus the single part. I am 19 and have had endo for about 1 1/2 years... my doctors tell me that I have one of the worst cases they've ever seen and if I want a child it's now or never! I have a bunch of friends that are pregnant or just had kids, and whenever someone brings it up it's like all I can think of is the fact that I may never be able to have my OWN child! Especially when my younger sister (only 6 mo.), who is 5 mo. pregnant, shows me her ultrasounds and all I can think of is how the only ultrasound i get to have is a pelvic and abdominal to make sure the endo isn't getting worse. I know you don't like the thought of going through this without a Bf/Gf, but on the cross side, I'v been with my Bf for 2yrs, and when I think of all the pain he has to deal with by standing by me and watching everything that is happening (+ the stress of having to decide whether he is ready to be a dad...and if he chooses no he'll feel bad for not being able to help me), sometimes I wonder if it would be better if I was by myself because than my pain would be MY PAIN, and not anyone elses. I can't give any advice on letting the whole baby thing not get to you because I'm in the same boat and haven't found that answer yet, all I can say is to stay strong because you WILL get through this one way, or another! Good luck.
|
|