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Post by semicolon on Mar 24, 2012 7:10:53 GMT -5
I'm sorry, paint. I know you were feeling better a little bit ago, maybe all the emotions and stress of your mom leaving have thrown it off again. You will be able to get things done because you have to, and it will be okay. Have you been keeping a pain log? I have been meaning to again because I forget about the good days and am really bad at knowing if things are better or worse. Just last night I was looking at my pre-excision cycle log to compare to now, it was helpful because I've been down this week too. Sending you hugs!
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Post by 1234 on Mar 24, 2012 10:34:16 GMT -5
Honey, I'm so sorry. I hope this eases soon.
I agree with Semi that I think the pain log is a really good idea. I do that religiously, just so I can track improvements, because it's often so hard to see anything from inside my head. The experience of the pain is always foremost. Feel better!
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Post by painttheseconds on Mar 24, 2012 11:42:48 GMT -5
Thanks ladies. I finally got some sleep tonight so that helped put things in perspective for me. I was talking to Jess last night on facebook and she kindly reminded me that it hasn't even been three weeks since my surgery. Me and my expectations. My Mom left this morning which was hard. She's been so good to me. I'm very lucky to have her. At the same time it's nice to have some quiet this morning and to sit on the couch with the windows open. I'll get there. I know I will. I just have to be patient with myself and my recovery. That's always the hardest part.
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Post by rhodygirl on Mar 24, 2012 14:10:41 GMT -5
Thanks ladies. I finally got some sleep tonight so that helped put things in perspective for me. I was talking to Jess last night on facebook and she kindly reminded me that it hasn't even been three weeks since my surgery. Me and my expectations. My Mom left this morning which was hard. She's been so good to me. I'm very lucky to have her. At the same time it's nice to have some quiet this morning and to sit on the couch with the windows open. I'll get there. I know I will. I just have to be patient with myself and my recovery. That's always the hardest part. It's so hard to be patient! We know!!! Just do your best.
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Post by rhodygirl on Mar 26, 2012 12:57:59 GMT -5
How are you doing? Is it getting better day by day?
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Post by painttheseconds on Mar 28, 2012 14:38:31 GMT -5
I've been doing really well the past couple of days. I've been taking herbs from my acupuncturist to help with my sleep and drinking night time tea before bed which is helping a lot. So far so good. I'm afraid to say much more and jinx myself.
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Post by hellsbells on Mar 28, 2012 15:33:10 GMT -5
Amen to that!
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Post by Karen on Mar 28, 2012 20:10:26 GMT -5
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Post by rhodygirl on Mar 29, 2012 20:19:29 GMT -5
Yes, mums the word. Don't need to do any jinxing. So glad you are doing better though.
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Post by painttheseconds on Apr 24, 2012 0:56:14 GMT -5
Hi ladies. I haven't been on here in forever it feels like so I just wanted to check in. I've been doing really well since my surgery. I feel so much better, have less pain, and more energy. I started back to work for half shifts last week and it feels so great to be back at my job.
I haven't been on here much because I've been going through quite a bit emotionally. I don't talk much about what it's like being in recovery for addiction because I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable or weird. Sometimes it's just difficult. I see a lot of things I would rather not see and lately it's been tough. A lot of people in my life have been struggling and it's been hard to watch.
I still have a lot to work on within myself and I definitely need to take better care of myself rather then worrying about everyone else. Life has it's ups and downs. I know things will get better I'm just not great at reaching out when I am having a hard time. I guess this is my attempt. I just want you all to know I haven't forgotten about you and that I think of you all often.
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Post by JC on Apr 24, 2012 5:52:02 GMT -5
It's good to hear from you! I'm really glad to hear you're doing well physically. Maybe that was the first step toward being well overall. I don't really think you could have addressed emotional issues while your body wasn't quite healthy. It seems like now you can finally start to move on and work on other things. I'm sorry that you're having a really hard time with other things. I don't know what it's like to have an addiction myself but I do know how it feels to be a loved one of someone who does. It's an extremely difficult situation to be in. I'm glad you reached out to us. We can be a good virtual shoulder to cry on!
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Post by Karen on Apr 24, 2012 6:04:00 GMT -5
I 100% agree with Jenaya. Once you get the physical stuff addressed, then the emotional stuff can move to the forefront. I can imagine it's overwhelming, but it's not impossible. I'm glad you reached out and told us. Do you have someone you can talk to and process everything with? Sending you big hugs through the internet!
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Post by 1234 on Apr 24, 2012 6:10:14 GMT -5
I'm so glad you're feeling better physically. On the emotional struggles, I second Karen and Jenaya. Do you have someone you can talk to? I know you're close to your mom, but can understand that maybe this isn't something you can discuss with her, in the circumstances. I worry about you beign the one supporting other friends in this, without someone to talk to. Don't beat yourself up about this coming up so strongly now, Nicolle! You haven't had any time to deal with all of this--you've just been dealing with pain. Hugs.
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Post by painttheseconds on Apr 24, 2012 9:58:49 GMT -5
Thanks ladies for all the support and suggestions. I do talk to my Mom pretty regularly about things, but I hate making her worry. We've gone through a lot together as Mom and daughter and I don't want her to worry about me.
Honestly I think I've just been avoiding certain things. I've thought about going back to a therapist, but I don't know. I feel like I've spent most of my life in and out of therapy. While I found some of it helpful other parts I feel like I could have done without.
I think I'm just at this place where I'm not sure who I am without my pain if that makes sense. I hate that it got to that place, but there for awhile my pain was all I knew. I counted on that pain, I knew it would be there, and after awhile I just got used to dealing with it. I have some soul searching to do and some action to take. I might take a look at therapists around my area today. Thanks for listening to me ladies. It's nice to know I have a place to come where I can be honest about what's going on.
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Post by 1234 on Apr 24, 2012 10:26:37 GMT -5
Paint, I think pain in its own way can be addicting too--just like any other substance or repeated action which we grow to count on as our reality. Pain is self-destructive in the same way an addiction is. You are an incredible woman, and to have overcome addiction is so amazing. It's something you should honor in yourself every day. But overcoming the tendencies, and hurt, and needs which had lead you there is a different thing. it makes complete sense to me that the pain would have filled that same space for you. Owning/identifying with the pain is both a coping mechanism for the pain itself, and a way to fill that void. And now with the pain not there, you are left with that space. But you will figure out how to fill that space, in a healthy way--you're working on it now.
Paint, I'm sorry if I've said too much. I hope it's ok. Love you!
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