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Post by pixie1724 on Jun 16, 2011 15:33:00 GMT -5
Okay, so It's been a while since I've been here. As you may know, I got preg around this time last year and had a very high risk pregnancy- hence my absence- The rave- I had my daughter Ally( short for Alyssa) on 3/24/11 and she's doing great! She's already rolling over, trying to sit up, etc.
The only thing that has put a blight on my happiness is my mother in law. The woman has to be the most selfish,annoying woman in existence. But maybe I'm over reacting? to give a few examples- The day my husband and I married, she got mad because her 7 yr old had a basketball game and said they might not come. That was after I changed the venue because they refused to come to the wedding I planned originally because they didn't like the preacher. Then when I had my four dementional sono she just had to be there, which i might not have minded except they only allowed you to have 2 people in the room and I wanted my mother and husband. She showed up with her next door neighbor and talked them into letting them all in without asking me if I minded. Then, the day of my labor...Again you're only allowed two people in labor and delivery so again I wanted my mother and husband. The woman shows up with not only her neighbor, her neighbors mother and the neighbors two year old! I was never consulted and now shes telling my husband that I'm just faking having endo related problems becuase pregnancy takes care of that and is mad becuase I wouldn't let her keep our daughter over mother's day. Um hello? I'M her mother! Am I being overly sensitive or am I justified here?
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Post by pretty on Jun 16, 2011 15:38:52 GMT -5
your hubby supports you, right? does he understand that the MIL is a freak? sounds awful. I bet having a beautiful little one helps a bit, no? Setting boundaries helps, if it can be done. Most of us can tell you that dealing with the MIL is never easy. Mine is possibly the worst mother in the world, and unfortuately each year shows up for a couple hours and makes everyone depressed then leaves, my hubby is usually nearly in tears since his relationship leaves so much to be desired. Sounds like your MIL really takes the cake though! Keep asserting your boundaries and don't let her selfishness and pessimism get to you. Express positively to your husband that you are concerned that your MIL is so possessive of you, your baby, since you feel it is inappropriate and you need his help setting those limits... Good luck! Lisa
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Post by pixie1724 on Jun 16, 2011 15:51:11 GMT -5
My husband is great when it comes to support but right now it's hard for him. We recently found out that his folks biological daughter( he and my sil whom I adore and is also preg are adopted...hope that made sense lol) is now preg and all we hear is how their getting their first biological grandchild. my sil has 2 kids already and I have Ally. To my mil its a status thing, she treated Ally like a trophy to show off. Because of that and the amount of alcohol the consume daily, i refuse to take her over there and they won't come here to see the new place which hurts my Husband. What's really bad is my hubby and I are renting out old home to my sil because shes very preg and was living w her b/f and teenage son at her b/f's moms place. His mom got mad because she wanted us to rent it to the bio daughter for 150/mo which she would never have paid.
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Post by JC on Jun 16, 2011 16:01:42 GMT -5
Oh hell no. I don't know how you put up with it. I'm glad you have your husband's support but I feel like a big ass foot down needs to happen. Why does she need to be so terrible?? What is her overall goal in acting like this? What is she trying to gain?
How is his relationship with his mother? Is he close to her? Is he afraid of a big falling out if he sets boundaries? What are some of the ways you have dealt with her? Have you confronted her with how you feel on some things or do you just kinda let it happen?
Geez what a MIL from hell. Sorry for all the questions. I'm just kind of blown away at how crappy she is to you.
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Post by JC on Jun 16, 2011 16:02:14 GMT -5
Congratulations on your daughter by the way! How wonderful! You sound really happy despite the MIL.
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Post by pixie1724 on Jun 16, 2011 16:19:33 GMT -5
Jenaya, sadly, for my hubby's sake I keep my temper reined in and my mouth shut...most of the time. I do my best to just get through the times they're around by I'm afraid the craps about to hit the fan though- His real mom is back in the picture and the adopted parental units are ticked about it. Honestly, Her problem is attention. she's what I'd call an attention grubber to put it nicely. Everything has to be about her. Hell she tried to take over my wedding and got ticked because i wouldnt let her. I wanted simple and she wanted to pick my dress and plan everything...just plan it mind you, I would have still had to pay for it.
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Post by Karen on Jun 16, 2011 18:21:21 GMT -5
First off, congrats on your baby! That must be so exciting!
As for the MIL, I don't have any in-laws myself so I'm not one to talk, but a very good friend of mine was on the verge of a divorce because of her very over-involved MIL and SIL, and they didn't even have kids yet! Luckily, her husband FINALLY stepped in and said something to them after years of keeping his mouth shut. I know the only way he got to that point was being days away from a divorce court date. Seriously, they cut it that close. For them, I know marriage counseling really helped him understand where she was coming from, and it gave both of them tools to address the overbearing MIL. I know my friend also found a good book on how to keep in-laws at a safe distance, meaning not letting them get too much under your skin. I don't recall the name of it but I'm sure there are loads of helpful books written by people in the exact same boat as you.
Good luck!
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Post by 1234 on Jun 17, 2011 10:24:24 GMT -5
Congratulations on your daughter!
This MIL sounds really insane. I can't believe she showed up for delivery and your personal medical exams--of course you want your mother there! And that stuff about "first biological grandchild" is horrible. I'm so sorry. How close do you all live to each other?
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Post by cloudyrain on Jun 17, 2011 14:38:23 GMT -5
Congratulations on your daughter, and what a beautiful name!
I thought my MIL was bad; she just goes on about me giving her a granddaughter, but at least that's kind of well intentioned; I don't know how you do it! At the end of the day it's you and your husbands child, and the family that child has growing up is who you choose it to be. I'm sure when little Ally grows up she will make her own mind up though!xxxx
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Post by hannahjex on Jun 20, 2011 10:59:39 GMT -5
Congrats on your baby girl! Alyssa is a lovely name As for the MIL, I don't know how you do it!! I can't believe she would distinguish between bio and non-bio grandchildren; that's just awful!! I've never had to deal with a bad MIL, I'm very blessed to have a lovely one who minds her own business and only ever gives her opinions on stuff if we request it (she had a 'monster-in-law' herself, so she's really careful about not becoming like her MIL was). But if I was in your shoes I'd be speaking up as well as asking my hubby to step in at this point. That woman is crossing WAY too many lines and sometimes sons can be a bit oblivious when it comes to mothers and just don't realize it until you spell it out to them. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this.
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Post by pixie1724 on Jun 21, 2011 13:10:25 GMT -5
Thanks guys,
Luckily, my husband has drawn the line. we're not going to be seeing them for foreseeable future. She attempted to talk him into letting her keep our girl over night on mother's day weekend which was my first as a mom. I think my hubby was a bit surprised at the insesnitivity and selfishness of it. As it happens, we just moved about 20 miles further away from them so I never see them anymore. I think he finally realized how stressed she kept me during and after pregnancy and is taking appropriate measures to limit her access to Ally and myself. I'm really very lucky in my husband. My endo has been trying to kill me the past few days and he's been doing everything he can to take care of me.
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Post by pretty on Jun 21, 2011 13:38:38 GMT -5
HOORAY for your hubby. Looks like his protective instincts are kicking in! Hope you can get enough time to yourself to really enjoy YOUR little family!
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Post by Karen on Jun 21, 2011 18:08:41 GMT -5
That's awesome that he's in your corner! I'm sure it's a short term approach but it at least buys you some time until the next time she tries to weasel her way into your business. Give your hubby a big 'ol pat on the back, k??
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