Post by inky on Jan 20, 2008 16:11:08 GMT -5
i found this site through google searches, and it's been pretty helpful.
this is a long post, i know, but i really need help. any advice, ideas, anything....
i'm having so many problems with endo, there's too many life-altering choices that i need to make. NO one understands what kind of pain i'm going through, not even my mom who had to have a hysterectomy 2 or 3 months ago. she thinks that i should be able to get out and find a job, and actually keep it; sit through a 3 hour art history class, and have a day from 9am-6pm at college. i just want to go home and lay down after a few hours, but i can't because of the rest of classes.
i don't even know where to begin with this, but my obgyn has suspected endo since he started seeing me about a year ago. [my GP however, suspected it for years but we couldn't find a female obgyn on my insurance for a long time, then we found one, and she was an idiot...she thought i had bad cramps because i was constipated! not true... she did a pelvic ultrasound and all they saw way "minor" cysts that was "nothing major to worry about"] anyway, i've tried every form of BC on the market. noting has helped me. i'll bleed irregularly or bleed constantly, be in tremendous pain, and it just alters my everyday life. the obgyn that i am seeing now had me get an abdominal ultra sound, which came back "normal" at the time with minor cysts (nothing normal is going on here! lol) he put me on lupron last spring, and i loved it...but the hot flashes and the dizziness were too much for me to handle. i couldn't wear makeup, couldn't straighten my hair, and i'd want to pass out from it...definitely unpleasant. but i didn't have any craps at all! it was so nice. now that i'm driving though and going to school i don't know if i could handle the shots again. anyway, because i got such relief from the treatment, he diagnosed me with endo. also, polysystic ovaries might be there too., but they don't know for sure i dont think. tests are so expensive, and my medical bills just keep piling up.
his more-current brilliant idea was to put an IUD- Mirena to be specific in. he said "oh they're will be a little discomfort but nothing major...and don't worry with the anestetic you probably wont even feel it". it was the most horrific pain i have ever had to experience in my life. NOTHING has ever hurt me more..., and i've gone through a lot. screaming, cries, everything. it felt like knives and razorblades were slicing into my uterus. i'm sure the whole section of the hospital heard me. that was put in the beginning of Nov. 2006. the first 2 months were just horrible, i could hardly walk, had trouble riding in the car, i couldn't sit up at the computer for distance education, i was swollen the whole time, i couldn't go to the gym, couldn't go to concerts (the bass at a HIM show nearly killed me...) or play bass . the pain was unbearable....sometimes it still is. sex wasn't even fun, it just hurt, and it almost always hurts....welcome to adulthood huh? you can't please your partner because your in too much pain, and then he just feels bad for you and everyone's sex drive is lost. that sucks too....
now i've had my IUD in for 3 1/2 months, and i hate it. i want to go to cosmetology school, but i can't stand that long (even if i did part time it would be 4 hours), and i can't adhere to state attendance policies because sometimes my pain is so bad i can't even move. let alone drive to school.
this is just so frustrating, i absolutely hate it. i'm scared to death of having to get a lap...after what should have been a "procedure with just a slight amount of discomfort" i cannot imagine what it would feel like after i wake up. my doctor thinks that the IUD will me "my answer" and keeps telling me to wait it out. but i can't go to shows, i can't rock out, i can't have GOOD sex (we're limited to like 3 positions...that makes us sad...), i can't go to cosmetology school, i can't get a job...and to make this even worse, my dad is planning on kicking me out of the house when i turn 18. thats in 6 months.
how am i supposed to even support myself when i can't even sit through a 3 hour art history lecture? how am i supposed to go out and get a job, and actually keep it when pain randomly hits me and i start crying in pain?
i'm too scared to get a lap. just hands down i'm too scared. it seems that recovery time takes about 2 weeks, but with how much pain the IUD caused me...like i said, i just can't imagine. i'd have to drop out of college, but my dad would make me keep going. and then i'd have to go on lupron, i couldn't work a job on lupron, i'd look "unprofessional" with frizzy hair, sweaty clothes, and bad skin because my makeup melts off...not to mention, i'd only be working for minimum wage, and there isn't much you can do that is not a physical job at 17 or 18. i've only got 3 months of cashiering experience. i doubt that i could get a desk job.
i hate hospitals. i was admitted into the psychiatric ward last april and it was a horrible experience. i couldn't stay in there one night after a lap. i'd break down, i'm too afraid they'll admit me because i've got "self-harm" in my records. i used to be extremely depressed and suicidal...and with the problems the endo has caused me, i am getting more and more depressed each day. i just can't go back to a hospital. there was one night during the first month of my IUD when i couldn't make it up the stairs in my house. i just layed there screaming, my dad wouldn't even help me. just kept telling me to shut up and go to my room. i couldn't move....it took nearly an hour of screaming and tears to make it 30 or 40 feet from the stairs to my room.
i can't take pain meds either. within 10 minutes of taking anything, i'll puke, and boy does that hurt when i've got pain. the doctor has given me anti-nausea meds to take with my pain pills, but they have no affect. advil, tylonel, and aleve don't do a whole lot for me, if anything.
i can't do any sort of natural healing; my dad won't let me burn herbs because he thinks i'm smoking pot...used to, but i don't anymore.
i just want to get better. it isn't my fault that i have endo. it's not like it's something i can control. yet my parents don't get it, they don't understand what it feels like. even my boyfriend sometimes wonders if i really am in as much pain as i say i am
i want to live my life and have fun and be able to wear JEANS without being uncomfortable...play music, rock out, geez, even go to school like a normal college student.
i know this was such a rant, but i have no one that gets what i am going through. i need support. i get panic attacks just thinking about having to get a lap done and then staying at the hospital...not to mention the fact that it seems that most women have to get it done more than once in their lives...
i can't have a baby now. it's too much to ask from my boyfriend, i don't even know if we're gonna stay together. it's selfish, to think of that, maybe it's not. but i can't even think of how life would be like if i wasn't able to have kids...i want a kid more than anything, but not right now...i can't even support myself right now.
my doctor's last option for me if he takes the IUD out is the lap.
please help......
this is a long post, i know, but i really need help. any advice, ideas, anything....
i'm having so many problems with endo, there's too many life-altering choices that i need to make. NO one understands what kind of pain i'm going through, not even my mom who had to have a hysterectomy 2 or 3 months ago. she thinks that i should be able to get out and find a job, and actually keep it; sit through a 3 hour art history class, and have a day from 9am-6pm at college. i just want to go home and lay down after a few hours, but i can't because of the rest of classes.
i don't even know where to begin with this, but my obgyn has suspected endo since he started seeing me about a year ago. [my GP however, suspected it for years but we couldn't find a female obgyn on my insurance for a long time, then we found one, and she was an idiot...she thought i had bad cramps because i was constipated! not true... she did a pelvic ultrasound and all they saw way "minor" cysts that was "nothing major to worry about"] anyway, i've tried every form of BC on the market. noting has helped me. i'll bleed irregularly or bleed constantly, be in tremendous pain, and it just alters my everyday life. the obgyn that i am seeing now had me get an abdominal ultra sound, which came back "normal" at the time with minor cysts (nothing normal is going on here! lol) he put me on lupron last spring, and i loved it...but the hot flashes and the dizziness were too much for me to handle. i couldn't wear makeup, couldn't straighten my hair, and i'd want to pass out from it...definitely unpleasant. but i didn't have any craps at all! it was so nice. now that i'm driving though and going to school i don't know if i could handle the shots again. anyway, because i got such relief from the treatment, he diagnosed me with endo. also, polysystic ovaries might be there too., but they don't know for sure i dont think. tests are so expensive, and my medical bills just keep piling up.
his more-current brilliant idea was to put an IUD- Mirena to be specific in. he said "oh they're will be a little discomfort but nothing major...and don't worry with the anestetic you probably wont even feel it". it was the most horrific pain i have ever had to experience in my life. NOTHING has ever hurt me more..., and i've gone through a lot. screaming, cries, everything. it felt like knives and razorblades were slicing into my uterus. i'm sure the whole section of the hospital heard me. that was put in the beginning of Nov. 2006. the first 2 months were just horrible, i could hardly walk, had trouble riding in the car, i couldn't sit up at the computer for distance education, i was swollen the whole time, i couldn't go to the gym, couldn't go to concerts (the bass at a HIM show nearly killed me...) or play bass . the pain was unbearable....sometimes it still is. sex wasn't even fun, it just hurt, and it almost always hurts....welcome to adulthood huh? you can't please your partner because your in too much pain, and then he just feels bad for you and everyone's sex drive is lost. that sucks too....
now i've had my IUD in for 3 1/2 months, and i hate it. i want to go to cosmetology school, but i can't stand that long (even if i did part time it would be 4 hours), and i can't adhere to state attendance policies because sometimes my pain is so bad i can't even move. let alone drive to school.
this is just so frustrating, i absolutely hate it. i'm scared to death of having to get a lap...after what should have been a "procedure with just a slight amount of discomfort" i cannot imagine what it would feel like after i wake up. my doctor thinks that the IUD will me "my answer" and keeps telling me to wait it out. but i can't go to shows, i can't rock out, i can't have GOOD sex (we're limited to like 3 positions...that makes us sad...), i can't go to cosmetology school, i can't get a job...and to make this even worse, my dad is planning on kicking me out of the house when i turn 18. thats in 6 months.
how am i supposed to even support myself when i can't even sit through a 3 hour art history lecture? how am i supposed to go out and get a job, and actually keep it when pain randomly hits me and i start crying in pain?
i'm too scared to get a lap. just hands down i'm too scared. it seems that recovery time takes about 2 weeks, but with how much pain the IUD caused me...like i said, i just can't imagine. i'd have to drop out of college, but my dad would make me keep going. and then i'd have to go on lupron, i couldn't work a job on lupron, i'd look "unprofessional" with frizzy hair, sweaty clothes, and bad skin because my makeup melts off...not to mention, i'd only be working for minimum wage, and there isn't much you can do that is not a physical job at 17 or 18. i've only got 3 months of cashiering experience. i doubt that i could get a desk job.
i hate hospitals. i was admitted into the psychiatric ward last april and it was a horrible experience. i couldn't stay in there one night after a lap. i'd break down, i'm too afraid they'll admit me because i've got "self-harm" in my records. i used to be extremely depressed and suicidal...and with the problems the endo has caused me, i am getting more and more depressed each day. i just can't go back to a hospital. there was one night during the first month of my IUD when i couldn't make it up the stairs in my house. i just layed there screaming, my dad wouldn't even help me. just kept telling me to shut up and go to my room. i couldn't move....it took nearly an hour of screaming and tears to make it 30 or 40 feet from the stairs to my room.
i can't take pain meds either. within 10 minutes of taking anything, i'll puke, and boy does that hurt when i've got pain. the doctor has given me anti-nausea meds to take with my pain pills, but they have no affect. advil, tylonel, and aleve don't do a whole lot for me, if anything.
i can't do any sort of natural healing; my dad won't let me burn herbs because he thinks i'm smoking pot...used to, but i don't anymore.
i just want to get better. it isn't my fault that i have endo. it's not like it's something i can control. yet my parents don't get it, they don't understand what it feels like. even my boyfriend sometimes wonders if i really am in as much pain as i say i am
i want to live my life and have fun and be able to wear JEANS without being uncomfortable...play music, rock out, geez, even go to school like a normal college student.
i know this was such a rant, but i have no one that gets what i am going through. i need support. i get panic attacks just thinking about having to get a lap done and then staying at the hospital...not to mention the fact that it seems that most women have to get it done more than once in their lives...
i can't have a baby now. it's too much to ask from my boyfriend, i don't even know if we're gonna stay together. it's selfish, to think of that, maybe it's not. but i can't even think of how life would be like if i wasn't able to have kids...i want a kid more than anything, but not right now...i can't even support myself right now.
my doctor's last option for me if he takes the IUD out is the lap.
please help......