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Post by Kitty on Mar 17, 2010 16:17:19 GMT -5
So I finally found a job! But unfortunately I don't get health-care with it... and I make less then I did before my degrees...I'm on my feet all day long too which is hard. But it is better then nothing i guess right?
I'm having a hard day today. You know the feeling where you feel like it isn't even you because those hormones are running a muck?
Been missing my Dad a lot. Still cant believe he is gone. The most I'd ever been away from him before was a week, and to have it almost been a year since he has past has been insane. I miss him, his compassion, his guidance, his help, his love.
Then this past weekend I had another hard time. I've been wanting a baby so bad. Since my dad got really sick I have wanted one to just start my own family to have that connection and love. But back to the story, I was having out with my brothers and their friends and one of the couples has an adorable baby girl she is soo cute. I was holding her at the dinner table to give the parents a break to eat for a minute and one of my brothers friends (who always teased me saying I'd be pregnant by 16) asked me "So when are you going to have one or are you not able to?" I held in my tears and put on a brave face and answered "I dont think that I will be able to."
I dunno I'm just having a crappy day and needed to rant i guess? I dunno it just hurts so much sometimes I just feel robbed and less of a woman. My boyfriends mom is soo excited about his nephew having a baby she keeps posting on her FB about her "great grandmother news" and its just another punch in the gut..
Everyone tells me well you dont know for sure yet. and I just feel like ya i do. When i had surgery 2 yrs ago my uterus was caving in and folding in on itself and then now my pains been constant and nausea all the time and to top it off sex hurts so bad feeling like there's no room and that my boyfriends d*ck is just way to BIG to fit into my pinner of a vagina... BLAH
so much on my mind.. must be the hormones running a muck right?..
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Post by Karen on Mar 17, 2010 17:01:28 GMT -5
Wow - you DO have a lot on your mind, don't you!?! You've had a crappy year or two, no doubt about it, but this is the life you're in at the moment, and it's time for a bit of a perspective-check!
Let's start with the job news - is it in your field? Yes, it may not pay much, and yes it may not come with health insurance, but it'll give you a reason to get out of bed every day, something to think distract you for a while, and some cash! I have no idea if it's a job you WANT to do or something you'll do in the meantime until something better comes along, but it's SOMETHING, and in today's economy, having something to tide you over until something that pays more is certainly a step in the right direction, right?
Now, on to your dad. I have several friends in the same boat. I can't relate, but there are many, many, many people out there that can. Is there a local support group you can go to, check out? Have you already gone? Is there a Gilda's Club in your area? It won't bring your dad back, and it won't make you miss him any less, but they might have some really interesting insights to share that just might catch you by surprise.
And as for the baby blues, I think a lot of us on here can relate, wonder, feel the same way. Next step is getting you a job WITH health insurance so you can get things figured out!
Things may seem like they suck right now, and some of them are completely out of your control, but take control of the little bits that you can. And if it seems like there AREN'T any parts you can control, your first assignment is to figure 'em out! Nothing will magically change until you do take action! Even little things can help you feel like you're in more control of your life. In the end, isn't that what we all need?
Hugs! Hope this was more pep talk than preachy...
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Post by Kitty on Mar 17, 2010 17:50:24 GMT -5
This is true its the cards I've been dealt sometimes its just hard to deal. But your right. Ya the job thing is good, I'm happy to finally have an income. It isn't in my line of work at all. It's working in a warehouse. After 8months + of searching I had to just take whatever so that's what i did. It's true with this economy i should be happy to have something. And it is something that will help a little, I say little cause i live in the bay area where its VERY expense to live so minimum wage doesn't get you far (my cousin from the midwest came to visit this weekend and couldnt believe how expense things were out here). But it IS better than nothing. I haven't done any grief groups or support groups. I'm not sure whats in my area. Since I'm not very religious I wasn't sure if there would be much. As for the baby blues I know you ladies feel me. I agree a better job that has health care is in need since that's the only way I can get healthcare atm. so i guess the job hunt goes on eh? And it is a good pep talk, I have a hard time gaining control and realizing i do have control over some things. Its just one of those days. I appreciate the snap into reality talk. :T
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Post by Tiff on Mar 17, 2010 18:07:46 GMT -5
Kitty, I am actually originally from Cali. and have left because of the high expenses. My husband and I are trying so hard to come back but unfortunantly with the economy neither of us can find a job. It has been so hard to be away from my family for so long but things are better for us where we are now and eventually we will get back. Is moving a possibility? You mentioned you are not religious but there are other support groups that are not based around religion. There is a great web site called meetup that will list groups in your area, whether for support or just to meet new friends. the web site is www.meetup.com. You might be able to find a group in your area for grieving, endometriosis, womans/gyno problems, anyhting really.
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Post by Kitty on Mar 17, 2010 18:30:52 GMT -5
I have a friend that had to leave cali for the same reason! moving for me isnt possible atm.
That meet up thing is neat I've heard about it i guess but never looked into it. They had a widows group on there too which i thought maybe i'd tell my mom about. I couldnt find an endo one in my area but I'll keep checking ty! I really appreciate it! Last month I contacted a woman health center about having something on it but i never heard back froom them... maybe its time to bug them again ^_^
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Post by Tiff on Mar 17, 2010 18:46:12 GMT -5
Yeah, it's a great web site. I found a great womans group on it about a month ago. There is not a endo group in my area either but they did have a waiting list I was able to sign. That way if one does open up I will be notified. You may want to see of you can sign up for a waiting list in your area as well. the web site to do so is endometriosis.meetup.com/
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Post by JC on Mar 18, 2010 11:42:09 GMT -5
Hi Kitty. You have so much to think about right now Congrats on the job though! I like what Karen said about it being something to get out of bed for. It feels good to at least have something to do or feel some sense of belonging somewhere. I feel so bad about your dad. I can't believe it's been a year already! How has your mom been?
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Post by pamelaj on Mar 18, 2010 18:21:10 GMT -5
Kitty...
I can fully relate with what your going through. I have the baby blues and although i had a hysterectomy, its still very hurtful when its thrown in your face or your expected to be cheerful for others.
I lost my dad almost 2 years ago and there isnt a day that goes by where there isnt something that reminds me of him, and although I miss him dearly, it gets easier to remember him for the life he lived rather than the love you lost.
Financially, our family is a mess right now. I know what its like to be greatful just to have employment in todays economy.
As everyone else has suggested, find someone to talk to. Its what has gotten me to where I am today without loosing my mind.
Best of luck with the new job and smiles for a better future
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Post by hellsbells on Mar 19, 2010 12:06:26 GMT -5
It's been a little over 10 years now since my Dad passed away, and 15 since my brother, and although I still think about them, so much fo the hurt has gone, so I promise you, it does get easier. Just keep in your mind and in your heart that your dad will want you to be happy, not sad. I think, well for me personally, once you have a job it's easier to get another, so once you get a bit more settled in your new one, start looking for something more suitable and eventually it'll come your way. Chin up!
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Post by Kitty on Mar 20, 2010 11:46:08 GMT -5
@ Jenaya my mom is hanging in there she tries to keep really busy and still has her tearful moments. Happening a little more lately since in May it will be a year. @pam Ya the good thing about this job is i really get along with the ceo we spend our whole lunches talking. And we also have both lost our dads so its been kinda nice to talk to someone who knows & understands that pain. hellsbells *hugs* ty and I think you're right about it being easier the next time around. Thank you all for your support ^_^
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Post by JC on Mar 24, 2010 14:28:08 GMT -5
oh cool that's awesome that the ceo is someone you can talk to. That'll help a lot! aww and your mom she seems really strong though.
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