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Post by pamelaj on Mar 4, 2010 9:02:36 GMT -5
Wasnt sure where to post this so i will do it here. Feel free to move it if its in the wrong place...
I have relapsed into depression again BIG TIME. I have been torturing myself watching all the baby shows, dreaming of babies and getting depressed that I had to have a hyster to stop the pain. All my friends are being supportive and say they understand and I hate that they are walking on eggshells around me. Last night, I got dealt a huge blow...my husbands best friend is going to be a daddy. This man was meant to have children and is the kind of husband, step father, friend that all woman dream of. His wife has a 10yr old from a previous marriage and my hubbys friend has no children of his own but has always wanted one. He was told he cant have any. The reason for my depression....they are at our house almost every weekend, hanging out, snowmobiling etc... I now have to watch as this womans belly grows in front of me carrying a baby that i wanted so badly and feel i was robbed of. I have always had alot of hatred for this woman for previous reasons. Her ex husband and my hubbys best friend were good friends for 10 years and she left her ex for the friend. This woman has flashed MY hubby her boobs, talked dirty around him and more. I will never get over the fact that she left her ex and his 3 kids whom she mothered for 10yrs for his friend. I believe that is just wrong. My husband said i am being a female dog regarding the whole issue because i voiced my opinion that i dont want her around while she is pregnant. I want to be happy for his best friend but am not able to be, i also wrong for wondering how this woman deserves a baby? Im so depressed I dont even get out of bed before noon anymore
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Post by Tara on Mar 4, 2010 15:01:20 GMT -5
Hi , that is a tough one, I have been in that same situation, when everyone around me was getting married, and at the time I wasn't. You try to be happy for them, but you do ask, "Why not me, What did I do to not be getting what I want".
But it sounds like you did what is best for you, which was asking her not to come around, as that is to much to face everyday. I think that is a possitive step, and maybe there would be times when you can be around her, but just not right now, and that is okay.
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling that down that it is affecting your activities (Such as getting up), can you get some councelling or try medications, or is there something else adding to your depression. I hope you can find the strenglth you need soon.
Sending big hugs your way.
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Post by Karen on Mar 4, 2010 18:09:44 GMT -5
First of all, I think it's completely normal to be depressed that someone else is having a baby and it's not you. I think that has to be part of the grieving process after a hyster, and don't beat yourself up for feeling that way around anyone that happens to be pregnant.
But, on another note, her being pregnant and you NOT being pregnant are two completely separate events. It's not like you had your uterus removed JUST so she of all people would wind up getting pregnant! Does that make sense? I think it might be helpful to try to separate the two thoughts. I can see why they're so intertwined in your mind, and I'd likely have some thoughts like that too, but it's not healthy. You can dislike her for being the person she is, acting the way she has all these years, but she's not pregnant just to spite you. I hope I'm not coming across as harsh - just hoping to give you a different perspective!
I second Tara - perhaps counseling may help. Not just with this, but with the loss of your uterus, too! I think I remember you had/are seeing someone? Get yourself in, do what you can, because you can't let situations like this take over your life. You're a good person, you have a lot going for you, and just because you can't have any more babies doesn't take away from all of that, k?
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Post by hellsbells on Mar 4, 2010 19:35:15 GMT -5
Pam, I don't want to sound harsh, I don't know what it's like dealing with a hysterectomy and losing the option of carrying a child, but from what I know you have a bunch of kids between your own and step kids. I have no kids of my own, I have no partner to even try and have kids with, and I'm 35 in 11 days. I'm facing the prospect of never having any children of my own. I'm just trying to say love and enjoy the family you have with Brad, and try not to feel bad about the kids other people are having. Love ya babe xx
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Post by pamelaj on Mar 19, 2010 7:06:23 GMT -5
So I havent posted in a while and thought i'd catch you gals up on my mental health.
Im doing a bit better. Benn talking with my phyciatrist who has been a huge help. I finally faced my biggest issue and allowed hubbys best friend and gf into our home.
I was shocked because i didnt cry or even get upset with her until...she smoked a joint!!
How in the world does someone do that while carrying a baby? My doc and I have a great relationship and doc suggested that I just keep thinking that its her baby, and the choices she is making may catch up to her.
I have learned to be more thankful for the things I do have rather than be ungrateful for the things I cant have.
Financially, things are looking alot better. Finally got a nice job with benefits that I love, government money is coming next month and Brad said that we can get a puppy.
My doc said a puppy is a good idea as it will be brad and I's puppy and I can channel all the love i'd have for a child into the puppy.
We are going to the shelter to pick a puppy this weekend.
Things are finally looking up emotionally, i took the scenic route to get there but Im slowly closing in on my destination.
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Post by JC on Mar 19, 2010 8:10:01 GMT -5
How awesome! I'm glad things are getting better. That sucks that you have to deal with this biotch though. ALso having a good therapist is awesome! It sounds like he/she is helping you sort through some major issues. Also a new job, money, a new puppy! The puppy will help. I got a cat, and I baby my cat. I love it.
I think when you start to see positive things happening in your life you appreciate them much more when you've been through hell and back. You will cherish the good times much more than the average person. I think that's golden!
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Post by hellsbells on Mar 19, 2010 11:49:20 GMT -5
Hey Pam, so good to see you back. I was getting a little worried about you and I really didn't want to come across harsh in my last post. I think I was feeling a little sorry for myself when I wrote it! I'm so glad things are getting back on track, but I have to say, if you don't want this woman in your home, you don't have to have her there. Brad can see his pal away from your home. My best friend from many years ago smoked joints while she was pregnant and I didn't agree with it, but it was her body and her baby, and things turned out pretty much ok.
Congrats on the new job, and the money coming. I know of couples wh have no kids but have cats or dogs and they really are like surrogate children! Enjoy picking the puppy!
H x
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Post by Karen on Mar 19, 2010 14:18:55 GMT -5
That's a good update! Glad to hear thing are one the upswing! I give you lot of credit trudging forward and facing your issues. And the girls are right - you certainly don't have to like this woman or welcome her in your home! I also give you a lot of credit for accepting help! Pat on the back for you!
(Edited to fix all my mistakes - my phone keyboard was sticking and it looked like a 3rd grader posted!)
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Post by cherry on Apr 7, 2010 9:36:26 GMT -5
My mother smoked skunk when she was pregnant with me and was what I would consider to be continually irresponsible with the conception of parenting of her kids. Believe me, karma comes back to bite ladies like her. I agree it is her body, but I also agree that you don't have to have someone who so offends your core beliefs in your home. I personally would have kicked her out, and I don't have the issue of a recent hysterectomy and the accompanying raw feelings that you have. You have done brilliantly to get back to a happier place, you had a lot on your plate and I'm really happy for you that things have picked up in so many respects. You're a sweetheart and deserve to be a happy bunny, especially because you take time to appreciate what you have. That's the first step to happiness and the unbelievably good things usually follow straight after
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