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Post by Kitty on Jul 8, 2009 14:42:45 GMT -5
The last couple days have sucked basically.. I'm on my period so I'm sure its adding to all my other stress. As most of you know i lost my dad in the end of may. Each day is a realization that he isnt here. Things are really hard because everyone else is just normal like life goes on. But when you lose someone so close its hard to just go on like that. My bf just doesnt get it. He has been very supportive but I feel like he thinks I should be over it by now. He is just acting normal and treating things like normal and trying to talk to me about our life now and what he wants to do. Its just overwhelming because he is just continueing life like normal and being like this was a learning experience "i want to continue with what i want to do and prosue it" (he wants to continue his dreams etc.). which I'm all for but I'm not ready to continue life like normal myself. I'm still mourning and each day is different. Its just so frustrating and depressing.. I just have no one to really talk to because I'm really just not close to anyone anymore. And I feel myself pulling more and more away from my bf. Like i said these last couple of days have just blown.. I'm just really depressed and having a hard time finding work in addition to things.. its not i can go see anyone about this because i no longer have healthcare.. I just needed to vent.
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Post by ouchy on Jul 8, 2009 17:08:14 GMT -5
Oh wow. I didn't realize you had lost your job. Dealing with the stress over that is probably making it difficult to properly grieve.
I wish you the best. I do think your boyfriend is right, though. Life doesn't stop. No matter how difficult it seems, you have to pick up and keep chugging along.
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Post by omaklackey on Jul 8, 2009 17:20:20 GMT -5
I get it, Grief is hard! Really insensite people like your BF think that you can 'just get over it'. Grief is always with you. I read that you are doing the research on the stages of grief. It helps me to deal with my grief to remember the stages. If you get in a blue stage remember that the other stages are around the corner... Grief, denial, anger, barganing, and acceptance *HUGS* from me and I hope that you can feel better. When I lost our baby I had a really hard time because I got little support from anyone. Its harder to grief without a vent so I hope you keep venting if you need to!! If you want to PM or anything please feel free. I can at least offer empathy
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Post by Karen on Jul 8, 2009 17:31:58 GMT -5
First off, I can't imagine what you're going through. Losing my dad is my biggest fear in life. My heart goes out to you, I'm sure you have a lot to think about and process. And then to throw your period on top of things adding insult to injury!
I can imagine it's not that easy, to just pick up with your life and move on. But at some point, I hope you can find some balance. I'm sure you know this, but continuing on with your life does not mean that you're not grieving, it doesn't mean that you're forgetting about your dad. And as for your bf, I'm sure it's difficult for him to know what to do and say. Maybe the two of you can come to some sort of agreement, something like that he'll ask you each day how you're feeling, so maybe you feel like your feelings are at least being acknowledged (or whatever it is that you need). Sometimes we need to tell people what the hell it is we need from them!
But whatever you do, at least get yourself out of bed every day, no matter how much you don't want to. (If you need a reason, it's because we like to hear from you, and it's pretty hard to do that when you're in bed all day!) Hugs, kiddo!
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Post by Kitty on Jul 8, 2009 17:50:54 GMT -5
I appreciate the sensitivity to the matter.. I know its just a hard time right now.. Since the rugs been pulled out from under my feet. Having had the plan when my dad was in the hospital all of may to be home and take care of him as a caregiver and now to not have him at all and need to find a job to support myself and my mother is just hard. Especially since he handled everything..
Losing a child or losing a parent is soo hard. So i know a lot of the ladies on here can relate.
And your totally right Omakalackey i need to remember the stages.. right now its just denial and anger since i feel like punching ppl in the face or the wall... thinking like a teenage boy punching things.. *sigh*
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Post by Karen on Jul 8, 2009 19:31:48 GMT -5
How's your mom coping? Are the two of you able to rely on each other, or do you deal with things in different ways?
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Post by Kitty on Jul 9, 2009 4:54:52 GMT -5
eh its up and down. Evening is hardest when he would stop working... but its been hard for me because since i'd been at school during the day i'd be home with him... its just rough.. I'm used to catching him playing games and alt tabbing back to work (he worked from home). it just sucks i miss him alot.. :T
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Post by ouchy on Jul 9, 2009 10:27:00 GMT -5
I used to call my grandpa's home phone number after he died. I knew he wouldn't answer, but I felt so connected like that. My mom caught me doing it, and I caught hell for it. LOL
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Post by JC on Jul 20, 2009 14:50:52 GMT -5
aw jaemsysn, you made me tear up I hope things get better for you. Sometimes getting back into a routine helps you feel better and you can still grieve in the process. I'm so sorry. Today is my dad's birthday and the thought of losing him scares me. I have no idea how you're even being as strong as you are. Sending hugs your way!
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Post by Kitty on Jul 20, 2009 22:32:41 GMT -5
Thank You. Its just so hard because my routine had been taking care of him. Checking on him, taking him to chemo. Its just so hard to find a new one now. And its hard because none of my "friends" have been there and my bf just doesnt get it.. Its just hard.. i know its part of life.. Its just hard to keep things going.. My advice to anyone married is learn everything your spouse does NOW because you dont want to be in the dark trying to figure things out. Its been really hard on my mom and I've had to try to figure out with her..
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Post by ouchy on Jul 20, 2009 22:46:42 GMT -5
My advice to anyone married is learn everything your spouse does NOW because you dont want to be in the dark trying to figure things out. Its been really hard on my mom and I've had to try to figure out with her.. THat is a very good point. My husband takes care of everything. Without him, I"d be so lost. I have no idea about investment portfolios or bills, etc. Everything is pretty much paid online, so I don't even know half of what we have to pay each month!
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Post by JC on Jul 23, 2009 15:13:29 GMT -5
I used to get so darn annoyed when my husband forced me to participate in every single little thing.... you make me realize that I should be grateful
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