|
Post by ouchy on May 13, 2007 22:46:01 GMT -5
Okay. So here's the story. I have a step-grandmother (my grandfather, her husband, died when I was 4, which was about 3 years after they got married). My father has always hated her for some reason unbeknown to me. Same with my uncle. I was close to her when I was little, but now I haven't spoken to her since 2001. I wrote a letter to her after that, but I threw it away without sending it. My mother just called me to let me know she called my step-grandmother to tell her that I am pregnant. Kinda' wish she wouldn't have done that! I don't have anything against this woman. She's getting older in age; I think she's in her 80's. It just feels weird after not contacting her for so long to try to call or write her or something. My mom laid a guilt trip on me, telling me how I've deeply hurt an old woman's heart. I don't know. It makes me cry and all, but I just don't know what I'd say to her. I obviously feel guilty for not having contacted her for all these years...but I just don't know what I'd say. I do have fond memories of going to her house when I was little and eating bagelas (tiny bagels with tails on them), swiss cheese, and salami. There were a lot of fun times when I was little. It's just changed a lot since then. I don't know what to do. My mom said that my step-grandma started crying when she told her that I am pregnant and said that it made her whole week to find out. UGHHHH. I'm so confused.
|
|
|
Post by JackMcFarland on May 14, 2007 0:03:11 GMT -5
Just start off small maybe? Old memories, things that will strike up a good converstation.
My older sister and I didn't talk for 7 years because she, my mother, and my father had a falling out. When we got back in touch, it was a bit awkward but we just talked about when I was little and my nieces and nephews.
Don't worry. Do what you feel is right. Get back in touch with her...baby steps. It will make the two of you feel so much better.
|
|
|
Post by kb on May 14, 2007 2:05:18 GMT -5
It would be hard no doubt. But am sure she holds no hard feelings against you for not contacting her in all that time. Certainly dont feel guilty, she after all has not contacted you either in all that time.
The first step is the hardest, but if you were close once, you can be close again. So even though it will be hard, making contact will be nice for both of you.
And i agree with Tess, just start small.
|
|
|
Post by ouchy on May 14, 2007 10:06:40 GMT -5
Thanks, guys! Yah. It's just weird bc I haven't been close to her since I was about 4 years old. LOL. I may write her a letter. I dunno. I definitely like her more than my mom
|
|
|
Post by JackMcFarland on May 14, 2007 10:33:31 GMT -5
You could write her a letter then eventually graduate to a phone call, if you want. It's always nice to have someone like that around, especially with a new baby - I'm always so amazed when my grandmother picks up a crying baby and they just stop. They just have that...touch.
Good luck Ouchy. And just do it! Hehe. Now it's a Nike ad...
|
|
|
Post by ouchy on May 14, 2007 10:35:27 GMT -5
Thanks! I will write the letter today. I have 2 other letters I need to write, so why not! The only thing is that I'm dizzy. I better use pencil so that I can erase!
|
|
|
Post by JackMcFarland on May 14, 2007 13:54:32 GMT -5
Type it on the computer?
|
|
|
Post by ouchy on May 14, 2007 13:56:56 GMT -5
That takes the fun out of it for the person receiving the letter (especially if the person is much older). There's just something about hand-written letters.
|
|
|
Post by JackMcFarland on May 14, 2007 14:11:59 GMT -5
That is true. They are always more personal when written. I'm just lazy. Haha.
|
|
|
Post by cherry on May 14, 2007 16:13:39 GMT -5
Yeah a letter is really good, paves the way for the first meeting or phone call. Plus she can read over the nicest bits whenever she wants, which would be lovely for her I'm sure. Is there any chance of you finding out why the family took a dislike to her? By the way, ignore your mother dearest. Yes it may have hurt your gran not to find out from you, but it's been a while and at least it was a relative, not an acquaintence who told her. From what I've heard of your mother, she may well be taking great delight in making you feel bad.... and may have only told your gran (before you could) so she could make you feel bad. You have the intention to put things right, that's what counts xx
|
|
|
Post by erzulie on May 14, 2007 16:23:40 GMT -5
Ouchy, you're the weirdo who looks up people from your second grade class and calls them to see if they remember you, but you're hesitatn to talk to your own grandma just because time has passed? Why not start with, "I miss you!" Then tell her what's going on with you, and ask what's going on with her. Tell her you want to get back in touch!
|
|
|
Post by ouchy on May 14, 2007 16:43:21 GMT -5
This is different bc I feel guilty about it.
|
|
|
Post by ouchy on May 14, 2007 16:47:35 GMT -5
Is there any chance of you finding out why the family took a dislike to her? I think it had to do with inheritance and a house or something, but I'm SO not sure! Whenever I ask, I just get a lot of hateful words about her.
|
|
|
Post by kb on May 15, 2007 3:35:50 GMT -5
My fam has some divisions too, and there not for good reasons not one of them. If i was to guess, if you were to find out the reason youd most likely consider your family petty. And i agree with Cherry, it seems your mother takes pleasure in upsetting you. Have you considered that you grandmother might not be upset at all as to how she found out? She is just likely over the moon with the good news. A hand written letter does sound nicer, i agree with that. Seems more special.
|
|
|
Post by gemini on May 15, 2007 4:56:24 GMT -5
Ouchy i dun think your mum should upset u like that ( sorry) and put you in a position where u really dun know wot to do especially when ur pregnant. Br brave pick up the fone and just tell her that u have been through so much and after having made no contact for many years you were scared how she'd react when u called. I had this happen to me but i took the plunge and still spoke to my aunty..she was angry saying things that she shouldn't have..but i swallowed my pride and thought..forget it she's getting on a bit and is older than me..let her get it off her chest. After that she's ok with me
|
|