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Post by kaitlynblunt on Oct 21, 2006 23:08:34 GMT -5
My boyfriend knows about my disease and how my sex drive is clearly going to be down b,c, of the pain in that area. But the most annoying thing is when he keeps talking about sex and tries to turn me on. I cant stand it as a woman it makes u feel really insecure that you can't do it and that yah i'm not normal. it's like it just gets rubbed in my face that i can't perform. It's so annoying you know what he wants but you cna't give it to him
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Post by ouchy on Oct 21, 2006 23:42:13 GMT -5
I didn't know at 17 there was a strong sex drive to begin with, for women anyway. I'm sure that the pain w/ sex from endo doesn't help any, though! You could try "dry humping" and making out, etc--what I'm sure a lot of the other teens who aren't sexually active (penetratively, anyway) are doing. What about mutual masturbation?
Also, have you expressed your feelings to your boyfriend re: how his talking about sex/trying to turn you on winds up hurting your feelings?
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Post by katie35 on Oct 23, 2006 8:01:29 GMT -5
I think you know if a boy is pressuring you he isn't thinking of you in the first place. At your age you should be very careful with your choices. I made alot of bad choices and regretted them at age 17. Believe me hon, you can't turn the clock back and erace your mistakes. If that would be possible I would be the first one in line. Goodluck and put your needs first. NOONE ELSES!!
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Post by ouchy on Oct 23, 2006 9:43:34 GMT -5
^ agree 100%!!!! If he is pressuring you, he doesn't respect/love you in the first place!
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Post by erzulie on Oct 23, 2006 16:07:46 GMT -5
Yeah, sex isn't supposed to be a performance anyway. It's supposed to be a connection for two people who love, trust, and respect each other, and they need to both 100% want it. No one should have sex with someone just because the other person wants it. Imagine if it were the other way. What if you wanted sex, and he couldn't/ didn't want to do it? How would you treat him? Would you make him feel insecure? If you would, then at least I guess you understand where he's coming from. If you think you would be considerate, however, then you have no reason to put up with his behavior. You shouldn't hold your date up to lower standards than you would hold yourself up to. I realize a lot of women are so convinced of their own superiority that they will tell you men are physically incapable of thinking, reasoning, caring, being kind and sensitive, etc, but I personally believe men are mentally capable of anything women are capable of. Please don't make the "he's just a guy" excuse for him.
I saw a really cool poster in a catalogue that quoted an unusally smart 10-year-old girl. She said, "No boy is worth crying over. And the one who is won't make you cry." I think that was pretty good advice.
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Post by ouchy on Oct 23, 2006 19:55:11 GMT -5
Well-said, erzulie!
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maryland
Junior Member
God give you only what you can handle.
Posts: 59
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Post by maryland on Oct 24, 2006 15:25:24 GMT -5
Your right erzulie.. And boys at the age of 17 there hormons (sp) are running so fast.. If he can not understand how you are feeling then you don't need to be with him. Find someone who will listen or maybe sit this boy down and talk to him about your feelings. Good luck
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Post by candice on Oct 24, 2006 18:27:35 GMT -5
I still go through a huge amount of guilt about not being able to have sex often (I make myself one a month or so) but deep down I know I shouldn't feel guilty. It's not as if I have done something to feel guilty about. My husband sometimes forgets or gets wrapped up in what he wants and pressures me but I know now that I have to put him in his place. Usually he is very supportive and once he really understood the implication of this disease (how it's probably never going to get better and how it hurts every time...I told him that it probably felt like having his testicals yanked on for 20 min.) he started being more understanding. He went through a "maybe this time will be better" phase and every once in a while he's just plain self-involved. But at times, arn't we all? Perhaps you have to sit down and lay it all out for him. Don't be nice about it. Be descriptive and blunt. Make sure he gets it and then, if he still pressures you, you should know what that means. None of this will help the guilt, but at least you will know that you tried to deal with what you could deal with and you were honest, open and communicative. Thats what is really importnant in a relationship anyway.
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Post by ouchy on Oct 24, 2006 18:46:23 GMT -5
...I told him that it probably felt like having his testicals yanked on for 20 min Nice simile
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Post by ouchy on Oct 24, 2006 19:56:40 GMT -5
My husband starts to say crap like, "We haven't had sex in months!" ...If you keep track of it on a calendar of some type, you can show him how many times you lived w/ the pain--just for him! I think guys think that if they don't get it every day, then for each day they go without, they calculate that day as a month!!!
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