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Post by scarletmoon on Jul 8, 2007 21:23:20 GMT -5
Since being diagnosed with endo, IBS, Interstitial Cystitis...etc...Ive started treatments with Lupron, Elmiron, Elavil...etc...(Ive had treatment for this once before with other meds). Ive only had 2 months really inbetween meds and treatments, and had 2 really bad periods those months that left me really depleted. We have had several conversations since then about my issues. He has been really supportive up until recently. These last few months my sex drive has really diminished. Im afraid to have much phyisical contact with him as Im afraid its going to lead to sex. This is hurting him really badly. He feels unloved, unwanted...I feel scared to have sex because of the pain....and also since being on Lupron Ive been gaining weight steadily and thats got my self esteem really low as well. I keep trying to explain to him how Im feeling, hoping he can try to understand. He says he wants too...but doesnt know how long he can stay in our relationship without intimacy. My sex drive is gone...when we do have sex we have to use lubrication. I dont produce anything...and even then, when we use it...sex usually has a burning sensation thats uncomfortable. Guys...this man has been wonderful to me. We are trying to build a life together...but this endo, treatment, meds...etc...is killing us. I dont know what else to do? I cant stop my treatment because he doesnt understand. But where do I draw the line? Have any of you gone through this??? Help, Im scared Im going to lose my best friend.
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Post by kb on Jul 9, 2007 8:52:57 GMT -5
My lifes like that without medication.
Im sorry its putting such a strain on your relationship, would be hard on you both.
Can be hard to maintain intimacy when sex is painful, but there are ways, there are many other things you can do that are still intimate. Hugging, kissing, touching, all still nice.
Give each other a back massage maybe (can be very intimate), a bath together, lots of things are still intimacy without sex. Just explain you want to be close but you dont want sex itself, he'll get used to and learn to live like that. If the other things are really nice, he wont mind at all. He just needs to feel loved, as do you.
Keep talking to each other, thats important.
Hope you work it out. Hugs.
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Post by cherry on Jul 9, 2007 12:55:56 GMT -5
If it's burning have you tried olive oils like ouchy uses? I hate hate hate KY. In the UK we have durex play lube, and I use the generic one (the tingle one is horrible and smells like the mint sauce you put on your lamb chop!) I think it's called 'feel' I went through the same thing when I was on a treatment called Prostap, my problem was that I lost a lot of weight so my boobs and bum went, became very sweaty, irritable, greasy and spotty. I felt so unattractive and that made my low sex drive just disappear. It helped me to have a very slow build up, basically with lots of kissing and cuddling. The sort of stuff that makes you feel wanted and makes you want to take the next step. You could try a bit of dress up for a laugh, feeling like you look attractive (and he will be devouring you with his peepers!) can change things completely and you feel those feelings coming back. It helps that feel a little in control too If things can't get sexual just make sure he has physical contact that makes him know he's loved and appreciated. Being affectionate can make a helluva difference to how you both feel and sometimes you will want to initiate yourself. It's worth keeping in mind that sometimes you have sex for the intimacy rather than the sex if you get me. I felt truly awful having to need lube aged 21, but I promise you if he knows he is still wanted, he will take your breath away letting you know he wants and loves you too. Actions mean more than words but like kb says, keep the lines of communication open. I hope it brings you closer and he understands a little better soon xx
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mel26
Full Member
Posts: 106
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Post by mel26 on Jul 11, 2007 2:58:30 GMT -5
I can understand this for sure, as I experienced this with my ex (the guy I wrote about in the "send positivity" thread). Being worried about the pain of having sex will make you more tense, so maybe as an idea, you and your partner should try to spend a day together doing some of your favorite things, make breakfast together, go for a walk, visit a market, have a picnic. These things worked for me, and by the end of the day after a hot bath and a glass of wine, you should be relaxed enough to ease into the rest... lol! Finding new ways to express your love isn't always as romantic as it sounds, as men particularly need action as "proof", but there are many ways to express your love, other than just vaginal intercourse. If these things don't help, look at them as shared experiences, hopefully it will draw you closer to each other.
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Post by Nari on Jul 19, 2007 20:43:53 GMT -5
Poked around a bit on the site. Go to Pain advice and support. I think page 4, there is a thread about sex. These gals give great advice. And as one who tried Ouchy's Olvie Oil suggestion. I am with her on this one! Its great! Hope this helps any, but I do agree with KB, Mel and Cherry as well. Intimacy is about more than just sex. Massages, cuddling, ect. Just make sure he knows he is loved.
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Post by ouchy on Jul 19, 2007 22:36:50 GMT -5
Hey, hey, Nari! You tried and didn't tell! hehehe! Glad to know it worked!
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Post by Nari on Jul 19, 2007 23:03:42 GMT -5
LOL!!
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