Post by mel26 on Jul 8, 2007 6:12:23 GMT -5
I needed a place I could come to so I can write about this w/o having to be selective with my words.
I recently recieved news that my ex bf has been in a terrible car accident and is in a coma, on life support. I have known him for 8 years and we were together for about 4 years (and off and on about 6 times as well). The last time we spoke was about 2 mo. ago and he told me he was going to B.C. I didn't know what to say, as he expected me to tell him he should stay. I wanted to move on, he didn't know I had endo, and I was ready to say goodbye to that part of my life, and start anew. I got my number changed and had just been saying to my friend that I may never have to hear from Rick again... Now that couldn't be more true, and it is hurting so bad. I've been to see him 3 times, and he is improving, but all I think about is how maybe I did want to be with him and wondering if that's just grief talking. He has a 9 year old daughter, and her mother doesn't like me much, and I'm not that close to his family, so I feel uncomfortable asking what his condition is (severity of injury etc). I wonder whether it's appropriate for me to be there, considering what his family has to deal with. Some of them don't even know who I am. And it's hard b/c I'm the one Rick phoned up when he was down, when he had problems with the world, he came to me. I was his refuge, he said it himself. So here I am, once again by his side, and I was apparently really important to him, yet even his friends and family don't know me. That doesn't make sense to me, and even when we were together, he seemed to keep me separate from everyone (friends mostly). I feel like I'm in the dark, alone on this, when I just want to be there with his family and be there together as a team. I feel very aware of the spaces between the times we were together, what I missed out on. Aware of the distance and how much time has passed, and feeling like I'm part of his past, that I don't belong. I think about the times when Rick & I thought I was pregnant, and how I may never have children and how he may not be the same ever again, and what if we messed up, and should've given it all one more try... If he comes out of this, will I be in his life? I think I need a break from writing. I'm sorry but I've had to just get it all out without someone trying to interupt with some reassuring crap, I just need to release. I hope this hasn't been too much, but I don't expect anyone to respond. Just if you think of it, send a loving thought to Rick Warner, tell him to fight it out. I feel a bit crazy from this, thanks to any who have sat and read this...
I recently recieved news that my ex bf has been in a terrible car accident and is in a coma, on life support. I have known him for 8 years and we were together for about 4 years (and off and on about 6 times as well). The last time we spoke was about 2 mo. ago and he told me he was going to B.C. I didn't know what to say, as he expected me to tell him he should stay. I wanted to move on, he didn't know I had endo, and I was ready to say goodbye to that part of my life, and start anew. I got my number changed and had just been saying to my friend that I may never have to hear from Rick again... Now that couldn't be more true, and it is hurting so bad. I've been to see him 3 times, and he is improving, but all I think about is how maybe I did want to be with him and wondering if that's just grief talking. He has a 9 year old daughter, and her mother doesn't like me much, and I'm not that close to his family, so I feel uncomfortable asking what his condition is (severity of injury etc). I wonder whether it's appropriate for me to be there, considering what his family has to deal with. Some of them don't even know who I am. And it's hard b/c I'm the one Rick phoned up when he was down, when he had problems with the world, he came to me. I was his refuge, he said it himself. So here I am, once again by his side, and I was apparently really important to him, yet even his friends and family don't know me. That doesn't make sense to me, and even when we were together, he seemed to keep me separate from everyone (friends mostly). I feel like I'm in the dark, alone on this, when I just want to be there with his family and be there together as a team. I feel very aware of the spaces between the times we were together, what I missed out on. Aware of the distance and how much time has passed, and feeling like I'm part of his past, that I don't belong. I think about the times when Rick & I thought I was pregnant, and how I may never have children and how he may not be the same ever again, and what if we messed up, and should've given it all one more try... If he comes out of this, will I be in his life? I think I need a break from writing. I'm sorry but I've had to just get it all out without someone trying to interupt with some reassuring crap, I just need to release. I hope this hasn't been too much, but I don't expect anyone to respond. Just if you think of it, send a loving thought to Rick Warner, tell him to fight it out. I feel a bit crazy from this, thanks to any who have sat and read this...