mel26
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Posts: 106
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Post by mel26 on Jun 28, 2007 2:00:13 GMT -5
I know we all get frustrated from time to time, but does anyone here ever just feel like giving up sometimes? I get so depressed around my period, often bordering on suicidal. When I was younger, I went a little off the deep end. I dropped out of highschool, and this made a major impact on my life. I'm still working through these issues and there are times when I really regret not having the typical teenage life. Having endo has brought these feelings out even moreso. It's really ironic how having endo can make me feel so strong and yet so weak and vulnerable. It sounds crazy but sometimes it seems my whole life has been struggle and emotional scarring. Some of the information I've come across suggests that placing oneself in certain circumstances can bring on physical illness, and to me this translates into: "The choices you have made have made you ill". I know I've rambled, but -deep sigh- I'm wearing thin...
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Post by kb on Jun 28, 2007 2:47:14 GMT -5
I dont know how much truth there is in that. I wouldnt consider myself anymore emotionally scarred then the average person and im sick, others who have horrible things happen arent necessarily sick. That comment i feel is a bad way to think, it just makes us think it is our fault and it is in our heads, which is total rubbish. Sometimes things are bad luck. Its ok to get that frustrated from time to time. I think weve all felt that way at points, i know i certainly have. Wouldnt be human if trials such as those that a chronic illness can present didnt get us down sometimes. I think youve just got to cry, grieve for the losses due to the illness and eventually reach an acceptance that allows you to be happy again. Its good to work through your issues, we all need to do that, and obviously some issues are harder than others to work through, but dont blame your illness on them. Dealing with them is a part of self healing but its still an illness. Im sorry your feeling so down, i truly am. Hope you feel better soon. You should treat yourself with your favourite food and a warm relaxing bath Hugs
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Post by cass on Jun 28, 2007 4:05:25 GMT -5
In the past month I have gone through so many emotions i cant describe. Before this op i lived a debilitating life but i managed, i worked full time and i almost have my masters and its because i make the most of my situation. Its an illness and its unfortunate but its not something you can blame yourself for having. After my op i wanted to "give up" and cried and didnt want to go through it anymore, but it takes a strong person to persevere and face the challenges. I spoke to a pchychologist today and it honestly took me out of the negative phase i was experienceing and i feel so great after a one hour phone discussion. is this something you could possible do also? endo is not something that is bought on so to speak by choices you have made. I agree with KB that the issues you are describing relating to your teenage years need to worked through and i hope this is something you are able to do as once you work out how to better deal with that stress you can focus on getting your endo under control and magaing it. I hope you start to feel a bit better soon but PM me if you want to chat further and hopefully i can help
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Post by ouchy on Jun 28, 2007 8:20:20 GMT -5
I agree w/ everything the girls have said.
The only thing that's been said about your actions relating to illness is that no matter how bad you think you've got it, someone is going through worse, so you have the option to be positive no matter how dark and deep of a hole you think/feel you might be in. You just have to resolve yourself that you WILL get better, or else you'll just be choosing to live your life in a deep depression. But none of that actualy *causes* endo.
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Post by puddleduck on Jun 28, 2007 10:51:21 GMT -5
Hi there, If you are having suicidal ideas and feelings, these need to be discussed with health professionals. I just wanted to say that it's very dangerous to blame yourself for being unwell, and is self-destructive. Anyone who ever tells you that you caused your illness through past actions or being in certains situations, is NOT a friend! I did notice at the entrance to this site, that there is a section about homeopathy in which the homeopathic practitioner mentions that endometriosis arises in women who fit into the following categories, which are seen as "root cause" I quote: "Mental for people with endometriosis: Forgetfulness for things just done, just said, Thoughts vanishing while speaking, bad memory for recent things, not old things. Imagine of you have to study this way: the only good energy is at night, starting around 8 PM till 2-3 AM. But during the day, teenager's exhibit dreaming, inattention, restlessness, can't sit still, in other words many of our kids and maybe some among you have suffered from what they call now in general terms ADD and ADHD. But it belongs to the same root as endometriosis. Emotional symptoms: Thrill seekers, passionate people, love sex and talking about it, they prefer a short but exciting life above and long and boring one. Life has to be full of fun and thrills, unfortunately this can lead to criminality as the border is easily transgressed all in the name of fun, in search of the next new thrill. But definitely a great deal of our sycotic children are ADD or ADHD children. A sycotic person is one of extremes, never finding the middle ground." Interesting as this is, I don't know how appropriate it really is. It seems like labelling to me. It also sounds a great deal like blaming the sufferer for developing the illness. Best ignored, I should think! Please, if you have feelings of despair, seek help.
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Post by camille on Jun 28, 2007 11:58:40 GMT -5
The quote above is the exact opposite of me and yet I do believe there is a fine line between what causes our illness and what our illness causes, if that makes any sense.
Battling a silent, invisible, inexplicable disease is exhausting and depressing. And, for me, after doing this for so long, it is hard to tell which came first, the illness or the emotions.
What helps me out of an "endo funk" is to remember: having a disease is not my fault but healing is my responsibility. And for me, that includes physical, emotional, and spiritual wellness because I am more than just a mortal body with a disease. My thoughts, emotions, past/present experiences, attitudes, and beliefs do affect me physically and have often given me better solutions and more relief than just treating it as a physical disease.
Everyone reacts differently to stimuli based on their life experience and their body's physical make up. Some people become emotionally scarred from being sick, some do not. I'm sure some people's emotional scars cause physical illness too, while others' do not. I have taken my diagnosis as an opportunity to explore all of this and have found healing in places I didn't know needed care. For me, my illness(es) can be triggers for reactions to things that have happened at other times in my life, that are unrelated to endo. But my body speaks to me in a myriad of ways, one of which is pain, and I am learning how to communicate in all of its languages.
I hope you begin to feel better soon...............
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mel26
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Posts: 106
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Post by mel26 on Jun 30, 2007 4:40:47 GMT -5
What I mean is I regret wasting the time, as so many things have occured in my life that everything else has been passing me by. I am so used to the depression and suicide, and am getting used to the lack of help from my g.p, that I've become pretty cynical. I don't mean to say that I think we create our illness b/c of what we did/didn't do, I mean that I feel as above^ post, physical manifestations of illness perhaps are indicative of an inability to cope/address/assert or what-have-you regarding circumstances. Like, for me I seem to often not say what I truly feel for I HATE confrontation, and in the end I suffer b/c I panic when I do speak up for fear of how I'll be recieved. OR, I don't say anything and when I get upset, I have severe pain, and if I get angry and speak up I pretty much end up vomiting. It's always in the heart/chest, stomach/abs and bum areas. Maybe if I post something about chakra work, like a diagram, it will make more sense. I don't want to offend anyone by what I wrote about "making yourself ill" I am merely exploring what others say. Like they tell women with breast cancer, often that over a certain age (unsure #), if a woman hasn't had children, and is found to have breast cancer, it's connected to "lifestyle-choices" (not having children I guess) or something like that. I know these are facts, but they leave you with a sense of guilt, blame or fault. Like with my diet, I just get to a point where its like "I'm eating/ drinking <whatever>, I don't care" and of course pay for it! It is just exhaustive, and maybe I need to make another trip to the doctor to get more support, cuz I understand what all of you are saying. I try to maintain healthy perspective. Thanks for responding...
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Post by ouchy on Jun 30, 2007 9:52:15 GMT -5
A few of our members have had great success with counseling. Have you thought about looking in to that? Or hypnosis? Both can really lift your spirits and change your outlook on things.
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Post by shona on Jun 30, 2007 14:36:15 GMT -5
thursday night,i had a sore back and i nkow ive got a period on the way cos im getting slight cramps,and i felt so bad cos i kept dropping things and was so tired that i just lay on floor and howled..i got sent to bed and the next day i just lay on couch and done nothing.,and you know what on the thurs night if the devil himself had said "hey girl c,mon lets go"i think i would have went cos i felt so down.
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mel26
Full Member
Posts: 106
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Post by mel26 on Jun 30, 2007 15:15:33 GMT -5
^ I understand totally, and sometimes you just have to let yourself be upset. For ouchy, I have a therapist. I have considered hypnosis, but it is not easily accessible where I live. I don't think I'm looking to "fix" myself in the mental health sense (I've had clinical depression for 11 years now...). I just feel like giving in sometimes, I don't actually want to, y'know??
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Post by shona on Jun 30, 2007 16:32:37 GMT -5
know how you feel there,you feel like you just wanna not be here anymore,you want the pain and discomfort and the feeling of being so down to stop,but you wouldnt actually do anything silly..i think we just need time out at times,id love to have maybe a couple of days just away myself,and my dog,just me time.
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Post by kb on Jul 2, 2007 1:43:42 GMT -5
Ive definitely felt like that, wanting it all to end, but its not really wanting to die. So yeah, understand that.
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