doll
Junior Member
Posts: 62
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Post by doll on May 13, 2007 11:20:58 GMT -5
Ok folks,
I can pretty much say this is one of the FIRST TIMES IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE I'm expensing depression. Not sure because it's a SAD SAD feeling that is worse than anything I have felt before.
I am usually a very happy person (even with stage IV endo-and having had six surgeries in six years)! I've been confident and have strive to support women who had it worse than I, but somehow...something is happening to me these past few weeks, which I hope blows over soon! I'm to the point of really being confused and NOT knowing what to do next? Like if my life is spinning out of control! It's strange because I have always been very proud of knowing WHAT THE NEXT STEP WAS and even if I did not know, I'd certainly figure it out.
Now, something is different in me. I'm 38 years old not and I'm REALLY REALLY starting to get tired of being in pain 24/7! After my ast surgery this past March (where they found a tumor and dozens of cysts and implants galore) I truly thought I'd at least get SOME pain relief and all would be somewhat normal for at least 6 months! NOT SOOOOO!!!!!! Today is Mothers Day and of course I have no kids, so maybe it's hitting me hard cause of that too! However, I have had 5 periods in a month and a half and I'm spotting as we speak. My doc does not know what to do next. He keeps OFFERING ME LUPRON WHICH I HATE AND SWORE NEVER TO TAKE AGAIN! I'm sad and tired and will see him again next week and I hope this feeling goes away...
Thanks for letting me rant and blah blah blah!
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Post by erzulie on May 13, 2007 12:24:21 GMT -5
I'm sorry you're having so much trouble doll! I'm sure anyone would feel sad in your shoes! I know this answer gets tired but...maybe it's time to see a new doctor! It sounds like this one isn't helping you. Maybe it's time to try a different one! If it's possible, maybe you should look into seeing an endometriosis specialist.
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Post by ouchy on May 13, 2007 14:11:01 GMT -5
Hi, doll. Sorry you're going through all this mess! I second erzulie's suggestion of finding a new doctor, preferably a specialist--who may also be an infertility specialist. If he/she is not also an infertility specialist, I'd suggest also seeing a reproductive endocrinologist (RE). Your hormones are probably messed up to be having so many periods (or withdrawal from hormone bleeds). Anyway, hope you get some answers soon. Keep us posted!
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Post by Nari on May 13, 2007 23:13:48 GMT -5
Doll, Odd to find your post here when I was going to post something quite similar. I am feeling very depressed today. I really have no reason, IE nothing bad happening to make me feel blue in my life atm. I had a good day yesterday, my kids actually did not fight and did not make my mothers day horrible like usual. But here I am today just wanting to sit and cry. I have no reason. I mean typical things are here.. moderate pain, and for some reason a stiff neck, but they arent enough to make me want to sit and just cry. I absolutely hate when I feel this way! Shall we sit and cry together??? I send a big big hug to you Doll and anyone else who needs one!
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Post by kb on May 14, 2007 1:43:54 GMT -5
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((doll))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) ((((((((((((((((((((((((((Nari)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) (((((((((((((((((((((((((everyone))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Lol, ok going silly with the hugs. Can vouch for feeling the same way countless times. Awful when theres no real reason isnt it. I think sometimes it all just builds up and gets too much and we crumble under the pressure. I think sometimes its necessary to get so low when going through so much, coz it makes us feel all the better for making it through that time and can move forward feeling even more positive and ready to take anything on. doll i often feel as if my life is spinning out of control, its ok to feel that way. I too always felt in complete control of my life, new what i wanted and how to go about getting it. Now life isnt like that, i dont know what each day will bring, i cant plan for the future, and feel like someone else is pulling my strings coz i have absolutely no control over my life. But its ok. Its just another of lifes challenges and we will all make it through to the other side stronger women who dont need control coz life just is (if that makes sense)
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doll
Junior Member
Posts: 62
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Post by doll on May 14, 2007 4:34:53 GMT -5
Hi,
At the tone the time here will be 2:25 a.m. Can't sleep a wink, but a feeing a bit better.
To all that responded THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART! I did feel VERY depressed today, and my fiancee noticed and he came home bunches of flowers and cards from all our pets with wonderful writings from all of them telling me how much they love and thank me for being their mom. It did make me feel better!
It is just that I find it strange...I never particularly FEEL AS IF I NEED to be a mom, I feel this way ONLY on mother day and it is not like me. I thought I was sure did not want any kids and then water works galore for no reason.
Just odd how WAS 100% sure I was really and truly over wanting kids, then on mother day...! I hope tomorrow I'm back to my chipper self! ;D
To all who sent well wishes THANK YOU AGAIN and I am seeing my doc soon! I do trust him as he's been with me for the long haul, but I would not hesitate for one second going somewhere else.
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Post by zzerebecki on May 15, 2007 15:37:48 GMT -5
my doc put me on anti d about a month ago ,had been feeling down for a while put it down to constant pain,until about 2 weeks ago when i was at my lowest i think i have every been . Was driving along crying (know i should have pulled over) and the though that i just didn't want to be around anymore came rushing through my mind i really wanted to crash the car!! the only thing thank god that stopped me was the thought of leaving my kids and husband behind. I just feel so confused really hate feeling like this. i am sooooo tiered all the time and just want to sleep. On a brighter note hopefully i will feel a bit more positive soon i really hope so. The depression I'm sure is caused by the endo so its time i learnt to be a bit more positive!
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Post by shona on May 15, 2007 15:51:10 GMT -5
im pretty sure you are having these feelings cos of the endo,and agree wi the girls you should change ya doc,he should,nt turn around and say he doesnt know where to go from here,..he should know,if he knew about endo anyway,which he clearly doesnt..he shouldnt put you on anti dep neither,its the endo you need to get under control,then im sure evrything will fall into place after that,and you,l feel a better person,but top of my list would be another doctor..take care of yourself hunni,and you have a lot to live for,so get them thoughts right out ya head,anyway..we need you on here for when we have tough times
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Post by gemini on May 17, 2007 14:05:31 GMT -5
Awwww doll my heart goes out to u ..and heres a hug from me . Depression is one of the worst things a person can suffer from. I am also very depressed and have been like this for the past 3 years. I've thought about suicide many a times and have been even self harmed myself. My days go past in a blur sometimes and i am so paranoid. The worst thing is that my sense of humour has gone out the window and i cry all all the time. From an independent and bright person i have become a reserved..worried and a very sad person. Doctors do not realise that endo messes with our heads..all that surgery, tests and in most cases infertility rocks our worlds. I wish there was some councelling for women like us who are going through this physical and mental illness. We don't all have partners or families who understand this illness and think we are being silly or just acting very childish. (personal experience). I agree with everyone and strongly recommend that a change of doctor is needed. I know it's easier to say as people say it to me..but there is light at the end of the tunnel and one day we will find the light. When u feel depressed u can always come here and talk abt it..i think we should have chit chat thread..where we can come and type our feelings. I know it would make me feel better. It's like getting something off my chest ! Stay Happy and God Bless
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Post by ouchy on May 17, 2007 14:11:16 GMT -5
i think we should have chit chat thread..where we can come and type our feelings. I know it would make me feel better. It's like getting something off my chest ! We have a few. A lot are in the "Rant and Rave" room.
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Post by gemini on May 17, 2007 14:54:48 GMT -5
i think we should have chit chat thread..where we can come and type our feelings. I know it would make me feel better. It's like getting something off my chest ! We have a few. A lot are in the "Rant and Rave" room. Oh thats good..thanks ouchy !i'm off there now to have a shout about something or another
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doll
Junior Member
Posts: 62
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Post by doll on Jun 3, 2007 9:55:01 GMT -5
Thanks all...I'm doing much better:)
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Post by gemini on Jun 3, 2007 17:05:14 GMT -5
Good to hear that Doll Take Care xxx
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Post by irishmuse on Jun 12, 2007 20:14:17 GMT -5
(((hugs))) to everyone.
I'm really down today too....
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