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Post by JackMcFarland on Jan 1, 2007 21:48:54 GMT -5
Not sure if this would be the correct place to post this, so move if mods feel the need I know a majority of endo girls must have the baby blues. As time goes on I get them worse and worse. My boyfriend and I were at dinner one evening and I apparently couldn't take my eyes off this adorable little girl playing at a table near us - he told me if I kept looking I would have burnt a hole and my smile would have been there forever. Interestingly enough, pre-endo I didn't want kids. I have 6 nieces and nephews and was VERY happy being the "cool" aunt, as there is only 11 years between myself and my oldest niece, and 19 between myself and the baby of the pack. Post-endo however, babies just seem soooooooo far away and it's more difficult to deal with than I ever expected. Sometimes I get what my boyfriend calls "mushy" ... ya know when you just feel tired and like nothing ever works out? Have not ttc yet, we talk a lot, but I think both of us are scared that it will bring disappointment (he won't say it, but he's easy to read). Going off bcps in a week to give my body a break, spoke to him about another form of bc and he shrugged it off. Sometimes ... this just stinks.
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Post by ouchy on Jan 1, 2007 21:53:17 GMT -5
Hey, tess. I think you posted this in a great place!
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sks
New Member
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Post by sks on Jan 1, 2007 22:35:53 GMT -5
You came up with the words I could not yesterday as far as "baby blues" go. I became a memeber yesterday. I have 7 neices and nephews. The oldes is 17, the youngest is 3 1/2 weeks old. (I'm 34). Having kids is something I have always wanted. When I was much younger, at church I would always ask the mommies if I could hold their baby. My dad nicknamed me the "babysnatcher". Maybe the Lord knew what was in store for me, and led me to become a teacher. It sounds as if your boyfriend is supportive of you, and it's great that you both communicate. Sorry I am not much help regarding the birth control part. I have been on non-cyclic birth control pills for over 2 years. Have thought about going off to give my body a break, but am scared to death the pain will come back if I start having periods again. I also have to watch how much I play with my hormones since I already had pre-existing diagnosis that is also affected by hormones. I wish you the best of luck.
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Post by JackMcFarland on Jan 1, 2007 22:51:04 GMT -5
I nearly went to school to become a teacher, but a journalism took over.
It's funny, I always thought the option of having children would be there, ya know? I'm 22, how come I have to choose? Family or career. It's this never ending battle. I just don't want to go through infertility treatment after treatment and not see a baby. Those of you who do it over and over, you are stronger than me. I'm an instant gratification kinda girl :x I suppose I'm starting to get to this point where I'd almost rather put what I expected from my future as far as a career on hold to be a mommy because ultimately, that's what I want my future to be now anyhow.
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Post by cherry on Jan 3, 2007 21:00:01 GMT -5
If I found my fertility was suddenly an ever closing window, I would dump off my career in a minute if my partner/husband would be happy to support all for the first few years. I think if it's something you want to do, you find a way to work a little and feel like you are still being a good mother. The endo just seems to add in the third thing that puts a cloud over your career and your baby making prospects... I always look at babies far too much. This was worst when I got my diagnosis. To be honest my dad and his wife have just had a baby son when I got my diagnosis... that hurt cos they had not planned him but of course he wasn't unwanted. I haven't seen the baby, but I to be there when my old best friend has her son. I think this will help me get out of my baby funk. Having a baby now or risk not having one at all when I feel ready in a few years... well I think I would have to say risk it, cos i can't look after a baby like i want to at the moment. I just hope that decision never is mine to make. I feel so much for those of you who face that now, I really do. Love and hugs xx
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Post by akcheryl on Jan 3, 2007 21:16:00 GMT -5
I definitely know what you mean. I'm almost 25, and I've wanted a baby for as long as I can remember. My husband and I have been together for 7.5 years now, and it was never a question that we would have at least 6 kids (I've never even been on birth control, in any form).
We officially started trying for a baby in 2005, and no one but my best friend (who was about to give birth herself) knew. We hoped that we would get pregnant soon and be able to surprise our families (my parents and brother, my husband's adoptive father and adopted siblings, and his biological mom & her husband, and his biological dad) with a new baby. My best friend even bought us baby clothes and maternity clothes for Christmas 2005 and gave them to us secretly so the surprise wouldn't be ruined for our families. We picked out names and have had everything planned for so long.
Month after month went by and I kept getting my period - it was heavy with clotting, etc., as always. Each month I was SO certain that we had gotten pregnant, and each month when I got my period I'd cry for days. We tried everything we could think of... I'd lay on my back with my feet raised for 30 minutes post-coitus, I used ovulation test strips faithfully, I took cough syrup to loosen my vaginal mucus, neither my husband or I EVER smoke or drink, etc., but nothing worked.
I go to the doctor quite frequently (every week or week and a half) for a myriad of other health problems, and it was so depressing having to tell the doctor each time that we were still trying. My GP ran tests and found other health problems (positive rheumatoid factor, diagnosed with fibromyalgia, hypertension, palpitations, tachycardia, bloody stools and was given a sigmoidoscopy which showed hemmoroids, hyperthyroidism..), but all I cared about was getting pregnant.
My GP is at a small hospital, and after a year of unsuccessfully trying for a baby, I was sent to an OBGYN in Omaha to do an infertility workup (I also started seeing a rheumatologist in the same hospital as the OBGYN). In November, 2006, a couple OBGYNs found large cysts on my ovaries; and on December 1, 2006 I had a laparoscopy and was diagnosed with stage 4 endometriosis.
It wasn't until right before I saw my OBGYN in Omaha and started my infertility workup that my parents found out about my fertility problems. I was incredibly depressed and my husband finally told my mom why. I'm glad to have the support of my family now (my mom flew down to Omaha for my surgery and my dad gave my husband and I a baby book for Christmas), but it's hard seeing my parents upset over this too. I can tell that it's really affecting everyone.
In late January my husband and I have an appointment at a fertility clinic. We've already started some of the initial blood work, etc., in preparation for IVF. It's scary and I know it's a long, painful, expensive process, but it's really our only hope as I have stage 4 endo and a lot of immune system problems.
It's been hard seeing other women with babies. My best friend's little girl just turned one year old a few months ago... I could never be "jealous" of my best friend, but I am "envious" (which I think is quite different). I love my little "niece" - poor baby, I think I smother her, I can't put her down! My husband and I shower that little girl with presents and hugs, and I know that it's partially because we really do love her, but it's also because she's the closest thing we have to a baby right now.
The worst feeling is going into the Women's Clinic to see my OBGYNs (I have a couple at one hospital and one back home in AK) and seeing all the pregnant women in the waiting room. The last time I went, there was a woman in there who was about 7 months along and she was screaming at her 3-year old daughter for absolutely nothing - it makes me so upset; it seems like women like that can have babies no problem and they don't even appreciate the kids they have.
In October, right before my initial infertility workup, I was put on Prozac for depression and OCD. I just find it so upsetting that it seems like everyone else is having babies no problem, and then there's me. Why can all of these teenage girls get pregnant by accident and I can't get pregnant no matter what I do!?!?!
My husband and I are doing much better with the prospect of IVF. This site is also helpful, as I don't feel so alone anymore. I hope that no one else has to go through this; and I hope that if anyone needs any support that I or someone else on this site can provide it.
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Post by JackMcFarland on Jan 3, 2007 22:43:18 GMT -5
Aw, akcheryl, I'm so sorry for everything.
It's true, I've always said there should be 'selected fertility'. I saw something on the tv about some mother who left her child in the car and took the dog out to go shooping. Are people serious?
I'm 22...would it be hard to bring a child into this world at the current momet? Yes, most likely. But then I think about it, and honestly say to myself - now? 2, 3, 4, years from now? It will never be easy, maybe easier, but never easy. My dr said to not wait too long to start, but again, I wasn't planning on babies till my late 20's early 30's and now, as bad as I want a child...it's not feasible.
I also think that getting pg will be hard for me now anyway. We've had unprotected sex during peak times during my cycle a lot (when I was off bcps for a bit) and nada. We weren't 'trying', but also didn't really care if it happened to well...happen. We are going away to Italy for a month at the end of the summer, I think I'm going to go off the pill...have a little convo with the boyfriend and during our little vacation...maybe we can bring home a souvenir.
The support from his family is amazing. My dad is insanely supportive, as is my mother, but she is supportive in her own weird way. Basically, she's not crazy about my boyfriend, but she will learn to live with it....
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Post by kaitlynblunt on Feb 1, 2007 23:52:31 GMT -5
I'm 18 and the whole baby issue wears on me. I've always wanted to have my own kids and now being diagnosed since 16 it worries me i wont be able to. It's constantly right there like my best friend who's 20 has a 8 month old baby boy and i love spending time w/ them but it makes me worry i can't have one some day. Most girls my age are worried about alot less then that. I know there's more they can do with invetro and there's always adopting but i hope it'll work out
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Post by ouchy on Feb 1, 2007 23:57:47 GMT -5
Hi, kaitlyn. Try not to worry about it too much. The majority of women w/ endo are able to have children! That is a good thing. And you're right. If it doesn't work out, there's always IVF or even adoption.
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Post by melissaweath on Nov 2, 2008 13:34:53 GMT -5
I am so glad that i find this thread! I posted for the 1st time under introduce yourself thread shortly after my laproscopy. It has been a little over 4 weeks now and I suppose I have the "baby blues." During my surgery the doctor discovered extensive endo, one tube was destroyed, not repairable from the endo and the other tube had grown to my colon, he was succesful at disconnecting that tube and running dye thru it.Also removed endo from ovaries,uterus,colon,etc. I have an appointment in December with a fertility clinic, until then the Gyno told me that he feels"confident" that i can get pregnant naturally with the one tube. But yet it seems that I have been so sad since my surgery. I have ALWAYS been the"inspirational"person around, never depressed. I work in the mental health field and even through all the stess of being a therapist I have always remained an optimistic person. But somehow over the last month I feel angry, sad and very uncomfortable when I find out other people are pregnant. Just in the last week I found out 7 people that I know are pregnant. Its just so hard when you hear people say,"Oh we really werent even trying, or oops,it just happened." it makes me want to scream!! Not being able to get pregnant shouldnt make me feel like a failure, I know that logically, but emotionally I cant seem to fight it! My husband is trying to be so supportive, but I really just feel like no one understands me. That is why I feel so relieved to have found this site. Somehow it helps me to feel better to post on here and to read others stories. I cant stand to hear anymore of the usual "encouraging" words from others like,"Oh be patient it will happen in time, bla blah blah!"I think I have rambled on enough now, but thanks to "tess' for starting this thread!
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Post by tmichelle on Nov 3, 2008 18:40:49 GMT -5
Hi Melissa,
I understand what you are going through. Just wanted to say that we're here for you.
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Post by Karen on Jul 30, 2009 7:30:41 GMT -5
Going to revive this thread... When I was younger, I thought I wanted kids and even considered having them on my own if I was single. Until I spent a weekend with a friend and her then 16 month old in the car on a long trip... Best birth control in the world! I love her daughter, but it made me realize there's no way I could do it on my own, and made me think I didn't want kids at all. I fairly certain I won't get married, so I just figured I didn't even WANT to think about kids, because I didn't want to do it on my own. When I was in a serious relationship and he was talking about marriage, I STILL wasn't sure about kids. In the end, things didn't work out with that guy for a lot of reasons, but me not sure about wanting kids was one reason why we broke up.
Fast forward to this last year... I know that a lot of women with endo are able to conceive without problems, and I know that as of my lap in January, my important girlie parts are just fine. But it makes me wonder if they'll continue to be just fine years down the road if I DO indeed end up getting hitched. I guess I've been thinking more about hmm, maybe I DO want kids at some point?
And then last Friday I went for a walk with a friend and her 2 kids. Her 5 month old was giggling and smiling at me and for a brief second, I got the baby bug. I shrugged it off, but then spent a long weekend with my cousin and his little baby, and every time I was in the room, they passed him off to me. He's the cutest 4 month old I've seen, and I could make him laugh and smile better than anyone else in the room (besides his parents). I've NEVER had the baby bug like this before, and never understood it before, but now I'm starting to.
Not like I'm going to go out and get knocked up now, but I guess I'm thinking about life differently these days. And maybe having kids some day is something I'll consider now.
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Post by ouchy on Jul 30, 2009 10:35:44 GMT -5
^If you decide you need another dose of birth control, come stay with us for a day. LOL!
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Post by kristyn1824 on Jan 20, 2010 13:33:44 GMT -5
I have the baby blues SO badly. Everytime I turn around someone else I know is pregnant. I actually know someone who got pregnant and she is uncomfortable about the way a baby is born! I'm not kidding. She told me once when her best friend got pregnant that she looked at her friend and said "You know that babies come out your Va-jay-jay, right?" She said her friend nodded and she said "And you're OK with this?" LOL!
When I was 19, I was diagnosed with endo. My doctor probably said what stage, but all I remember is him showing me pics of my endo taken during the lap and pics of my mom's endo taken when she had to have her hysterectomy. Even though, my doc said that I could get pregnant, it would just be more difficult for me and that my tubes were clear and everything looked good, I guess I never got over the comparison pictures. Until 2008, it wasn't something that I really worried about, but I guess as I get older, I get the baby blues more and more. I just feel like I'm ready to be a mom and I think that's the difference for me. When I was 20, I wasn't concerned about being a mom, so I didn't have the baby blues the way that I do now. And now that I'm 27, I'm ready, and my baby blues are killing me!
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Post by Karen on Jan 20, 2010 18:21:52 GMT -5
Um, I'm not quite sure if I should laugh or be appalled at your friend that's uncomfy with delivering a baby! Do you think she'll opt for a c-section in the end? For me, the baby blues come and go. I'm single so I think that perhaps has to do with why they go sometimes. If I had an awesome partner, I'd probably be thinking about kids more often. Despite endo, a lot of women ARE able to conceive, so keep that in mind!
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