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Post by poetpeace on Jun 25, 2011 12:47:38 GMT -5
Just a question to throw out there for the ladies here who are with a partner.
Is he/she supportive?
My boyfriend is very supportive...although...because the symptoms show up so regularly and so painfully now...I sometimes feel as if I am permanently miserable or high on cocodomol around him.
What about you guys?
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Post by JC on Jun 25, 2011 18:38:51 GMT -5
Hey I hope you don't mind that I moved this thead here. We are trying to pep up our brand new "lifestyles" section which is an area we can talk about endo related life challenges. I figured this thread would be great for this section.
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Post by gemstone on Jun 26, 2011 8:38:45 GMT -5
My boyf has always been really supportive. I started getting symptoms not long after we got together and so we have been through the endo journey together really. He has taken me to hospital when I have been really bad and come with me to appointments and things like that. He is also very caring about the whole sex thing. I have frequent UTI's mainly caused by sex and so he understands that I can't always 'go' for ages which is frustrating for us both!!! But I have been very lucky in that respect
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Post by JC on Jun 26, 2011 10:35:53 GMT -5
I wasn't as lucky at first. The whole painful sex thing really put a strain on my marriage for a while. My husband didn't understand nor did he try to understand. We were in a bad place at the time which I know contributed to his lack of empathy during that time. It's one thing to have your body backstab you but it's another when someone treats you like sh*t over it.
I am happy to say though that it's not like that anymore. We have since put a lot of work into our marriage and things are much better now. He's actually very supportive and loving now. I think it goes to show that when you're with the right person, it makes being sick a lot easier. It's still depressing when I have pains here and there that make sex hurt, but knowing he understands and is patient makes a world of a difference. I say, if your partner makes you feel worse, it's probably not a relationship worth being in at all.
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Post by painttheseconds on Jun 26, 2011 11:39:45 GMT -5
My boyfriends father passed away unexpectedly last July. Right after that I ended up having surgery and got diagnosed with endo. We've had it pretty rough in our relationship the past year. Overall he's very supportive. I wish he would read more about endo, but I can't force him to. He's very gentle when I don't feel good and he lets me vent when I need to.
I know that all my health issues get tiring to deal with. They are tiring to me too, but he always tells me I'm doing all the right things and that I'll get through it. That means a lot to me. He's not perfect, but I'm not either. Overall I would say he's really supportive. Like Jenaya said if I was with someone who wasn't supportive I wouldn't want to be with them at all.
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Post by JC on Jun 26, 2011 11:59:23 GMT -5
LOL trying to get a husband/boyfriend to read about our health problems is so damn impossible!
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Post by cloudyrain on Jun 26, 2011 13:17:04 GMT -5
Excellent thread idea!
My fiancé has been incredibly supportive (although I haven't got a diagnosis yet so that has it's own hurdles im sure you ladies understand!). Even though my useless body ruined his plans for a romantic weekend away to do the marriage proposal, he still persevered and made it as romantic as he could. Even though my blood has ruined every holiday we have ever had, he still wants to go. Even though we hardly ever can "do the deed", he still makes me feel like a sexy woman.
I'm very lucky,and it certainly isn't all roses and it definitely isn't easy; I know there are times when he gets frustrated with everything, but when it gets like that I just send him down the pub with his mates to blow off some steam!xxx
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Post by poetpeace on Jun 26, 2011 13:31:41 GMT -5
I can't help but feel guilty because I can "attack" my boyf if I am really hormonal and unwell...I'll shout and rant at him...and he knows I never mean any of the stuff I say (I hope :/). He tends to sometimes be my punching bag...anyone else find that?
As far as sex goes. We don't intend to do that stuff yet so I haven't come across painful intercourse yet. I hope in the future it won't cause that much of an issue...
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Post by 1234 on Jun 26, 2011 20:03:03 GMT -5
My husband is amazing, but I do struggle with feeling like I'm always letting him down by feeling bad. Or he'll ask, "what's wrong" and I'll just say "I hurt"--it's just tiring always to be in pain or exhausted and not be able to be better for him. I feel like it hurts my perception of our relationship more than his, if that makes any sense, because I don't talk about it so much and I feel guilty. But my husband also has lots of experience working with sick people. HIs dad died when he was 19, of brain cancer, after a long illness. His sister (and only sibling) has severe cerebral palsy. I think because of all of this he's just an incredible sweet about caring for people. I'm just a contankerous redhead and don't like to be cared for, but so much. So, I do feel guilty, but I think the problem is mostly with me.
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Post by ladybelle8968 on Jun 26, 2011 21:07:12 GMT -5
I know EXACTLY how you feel. I mean probably not in all aspects (I'm not married lol), but I totally can relate on feeling like you are disappointing your spouse. I have been with my bf for 6 years and we've been through alot together. And we've had problems but always worked them out with time. At one point I was unhappy with the relationship and just didn't want to be intimate or anything for a number of reasons and setbacks with us...but now it's really truthfully a matter of it hurting me physically. I am attracted to him and everything...it just hurts. And he lives halfway across the continental U.S. for his job and so naturally when I see him I want nothing but positive things for the both of us...but it seems sometimes the way I feel gets in the way of that. I'm sorry I just went on a "me" spill I know and I didn't necessarily mean to do that...I just wanted to let you know that I understand how it feels to want to be positive and happy and not give him any concern to have for you because you would like nothing better than to be perfectly fine...but sometimes you just can't be fine...and that's ok. He's an awesome man to be there for you and be your support. And I hope that things get better for you...I would say if you ever needed a friend to talk to I'm here, but I'll rephrase that to "we're" here...I'm still getting used to the support that all the girls provide. But anyway just thought I'd send you a message just letting you know that I get where you are coming from, and that you aren't alone. And I hope and pray that you and everyone else finds relief from this pain as soon as possible.
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Post by ladybelle8968 on Jun 26, 2011 21:11:23 GMT -5
I'm sorry I meant my previous comment for rustmyrtle...then realized this is a whole "discussion" thing ...I'm still learning this whole forum thing lol. But I read the other comments too...long story short, I can totally relate to all of you in some aspect.
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Post by poetpeace on Jun 27, 2011 1:14:17 GMT -5
My husband is amazing, but I do struggle with feeling like I'm always letting him down by feeling bad. Or he'll ask, "what's wrong" and I'll just say "I hurt"--it's just tiring always to be in pain or exhausted and not be able to be better for him. Yeah I complete understand this. Some days I wish I could just feel that little bit better so that I can be happy and cheerful for him, but chances are I feel awful! i'm pretty much always tired. And I feel like I exhaust him sometimes. I am glad your husband is very supportive. I can't help but think Endo is sth you need support for - be it family of partners. Its not sth I could deal with on my own.
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lisa6
Junior Member
Posts: 73
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Post by lisa6 on Jun 27, 2011 13:04:52 GMT -5
YES-exactly!!! You all said it perfectly. My husband is pretty supportive - he's a type A personality and I just can't keep up with him. It makes me feel like I'm letting him down, even though he swears it's not so, although he admits to being disappointed sometimes. It's tiring, and frustrating, always being in pain. The last week has been truly rotten and this conversation just struck a chord. I hate being a faulty wife/mother.
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Post by 1234 on Jun 27, 2011 13:22:20 GMT -5
One of the things I always try to tell myself, is that feeling guilty is just as hurtful, if not more hurtful, to the other person as the original problem. Of course sometimes that makes me feel more guilty!! But it's really just a reminder to myself that making Shane (husband) deal with trying to help me not feel bad about feeling bad, as well as help me with feeling bad, is putting double burden on him. It's kinder for me to acknowledge the guilt, but not dwell on it, and just try to be the best wife I can be at that moment. And, when I can't do something, just say it and try not to burden him also with the self-blame. That's the pep talk I give myself, or try to!
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lisa6
Junior Member
Posts: 73
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Post by lisa6 on Jun 27, 2011 13:47:57 GMT -5
Sounds like you're in my head!! I tell myself the same thing - sometimes I even believe me. ) You're right about being the best wife we can be at that moment. That was the biggest hurdle I had to jump. It was so hard to admit I can't do it AND need to nap (still struggle sometimes). I think it bums me out the most when an episode hits me and I'm not prepared with meals in the freezer. Hubby says he'll cook, but then he just orders. All I can think about is the $$$, my ruined diet, and that it's my fault. Then I feel guilty because I should just be thankful he handled it and everyone's fed. Exhausting!!!
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