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Post by Karen on Dec 24, 2010 8:27:31 GMT -5
So I was talking to a friend the other day about pain and emotion and how closely they are tied together when you have a chronic disease. I know when I was at my worst pain-wise, I was an absolute wreck. If I had a good day, I was a bit more upbeat, but if I had a bad day, I took it very hard emotionally because I felt betrayed by my body yet again.
Now that I have the pain under control most days, I feel much more stable emotionally, too. When I have a bad day or two, though, I often feel like I'm a wreck again, though I find I'm able to rebound more quickly these days.
So here are my questions... do you feel your pain and emotions are tied together? Are you able to separate the two? If so, how? Do you feel you'd be able to get a handle on the emotional part of it even if you can't help manage the pain? Other thoughts on pain vs. emotion?
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Post by cherry on Dec 24, 2010 10:47:38 GMT -5
If I feel that I have some measure of control over the pain, be it an upcoming appointment, a definite cause, even just a hot water bottle or tens to soothe me a little, or being able to stay home with no trouble, I handle everything better. I think though, when it's bad and it feels like there are no answers, I'm in for a long day at work... everything sets me off. I try harder to be upbeat and gentle and considerate for the sake of others but generally I'm quiet, easier to piss off and a bit of a walk over. I will literally cry out of frustration at how I feel, have done over the pain and resultant issues like puking or having to stay seated or laying down. In work I just find I have nothing to say, my brain is blank and I don't have the energy to make small talk, I just get on with it and outwardly am either quite blank and in shut down mode or extra nice and receptive to people. It's weird. I think with what you've mentioned of adrenal fatigue, it's not surprising that we're prone to being emotional. You just feel at a low ebb, and I guess that's why so many people with chronic conditions get depressed. I was told by a doctor once that it's expected that a patient will depressed if they have a chronic disease or syndrome. On the other hand when I have a good day, I'm cheerful and feel euphoric, not just that I'm consciously happy to be up and about or able to go out with friends, but there's something chemical in it, like my brain or body is busting with positive energy. I feel unstoppable on a good day. I must look bipolar to others when I come to think of it!
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Post by gemstone on Dec 24, 2010 12:17:09 GMT -5
I think these go hand in hand. When I'm having a bad day, I feel flat and drained, emotionally and physically. I just want to lie in bed and for everyone to leave me alone, which obviously can't happen and I don't actually want to happen. I also feel like a burden sometimes and then I am down on myself which makes it worse. I only get unmanageable pain for around 3 days of the month, the rest of the month goes between 'very bad' and 'manageable' - today is manageable, I took 4 ibuprofen this morning and that has sorted me out so right now I'm pretty much pain free.
For me, my emotions play havoc with the idea of 'what will tomorrow bring'. Will I be in lots of pain? Will my bowels play up when I have X to do? The pain does make me a lot more snappy and I really have to watch that, as I'm not a grumpy person and I don't want to grump at the people I love.
But I'm with Cherry, on a good day, I feel amazing and like I can do anything!!!!
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Post by uncomfortable on Dec 25, 2010 6:32:00 GMT -5
I have a hard time keeping the two separate. If I had a good day, I was a bit more upbeat, but if I had a bad day, I took it very hard emotionally because I felt betrayed by my body yet again. This is EXACTLY where I am most days. When I can get the pain under control, I feel like myself again, and feel like I can do anything. But the minute any pain begins to interfere with what I want to do, or just comes along unexpectedly I feel crushed, like my body just doesn't care about what me, or my brain want.
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Post by italialynn on Dec 26, 2010 9:03:33 GMT -5
I feel that pain and emotion are directly correlated. Unfortunately these days I'm back to being in pain all the time, and it wears on me to the point where I can't mentally handle everyday tasks. I feel I'll do ok emotionally for a while (i.e. keeping my happy face on) and then at a moments notice I completely fall apart. It's literally like my brain can't handle it for another second. Now, with that being said, there's was a while there where I felt I could seperate the two, but that was when I was having more good days than bad. When the pain did come on, I felt like I could handle it because it wasn't always wearing me down. Now that I'm to the point where I'm waking up with pain in the morning, I feel like I'm just worn thin by lunchtime. Little things at work bother me that shouldn't, and I find myself crying or internally 'losing it' at a drop of a hat. In short, pain just wears on you. I think there's only so much a human can take, strong or not...
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Post by pretty on Dec 26, 2010 17:46:03 GMT -5
if you have emotion that is out of control like depression, it amplifies your pain. That's the truth. It's so hard to handle both physical and mental pain. Contemplating my smallness within the vast universe helps me put both into perspective. It's so easy to get really attached to physical pain as it takes up your whole brain. I've been trying to just reserve my strength for actual issues not jump on every little detail. This helps me remain detached from pain and illness controlling my reactions to things. Sense of humor can really help too
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Post by painttheseconds on Dec 27, 2010 0:35:23 GMT -5
I've just recently been diagnosed and had surgery so I feel like I'm still at a place where I'm accepting the fact that I have endo and that my life has changed. Physical pain at times can make me crazy. When I don't feel good I feel hopeless, depressed, and genuinely numb. Sometimes I'm so exhausted from working my part time job and just dealing with the pain from endo that I don't want to leave my house.
I'm still working on balance between taking good care of myself and not isolating myself from the things that make me feel better like yoga and people who love me. It's not easy that's for sure. I find when I'm in pain my head just goes straight to the negative and I think oh God somethings wrong or it's getting worse and then I start projecting all these ridiculous scenarios. I literally have to talk to myself and remind myself that I do have choices of how I choose to handle my pain and my reactions to my pain. I remind myself that endo doesn't have to define me and neither does my pain. Then I try to think of the good things in my life or cuddle with my kitty, or just do something to take my mind off of it whatever that may be. Someday's are really challenging though and I find I can't get out of my head. I'm a work in progress.
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Post by hellsbells on Dec 27, 2010 8:17:21 GMT -5
Bravo!
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Post by Karen on Dec 27, 2010 8:30:29 GMT -5
Talia, I'm sorry that you're in pain all the time again. Big hugs!
I've experienced so much of what you are all saying. When I'm feeling awful, I get the blank feeling, inability to make small talk, frustration, cry at the drop of a hat, all that good stuff. Luckily, I don't feel awful too much anymore, but I'm always aware that it could happen any month...
I really like you're approach, Painttheseconds, about reminding yourself about choices. Not an easy thing to do when you feel like crap!
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Post by chicagogal2 on Dec 27, 2010 9:23:47 GMT -5
I couldn't agree more. When I'm having a hard day I'm not very chatty, don't want to do anything, and totally become a hermit. When I feel good I'm totally different - high energy, want to do things, chatty. I had a great trip home for christmas but wasn't feeling good so I felt like I didn't get the full fun time I was wanting just because I didn't feel good.
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Post by Heather on Dec 27, 2010 10:43:12 GMT -5
I used to refer to endo as the bane of my existence, then I realized that, by saying that, I was giving it power over me and the decisions I make each day. Now it's just this thing I have to live with. And kitty cuddles are the best for making me feel better. So is laying on the floor with my head on my dog's belly, or looking over at my rabbits cuddling.
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Post by pretty on Dec 29, 2010 19:22:02 GMT -5
I'm working on becoming centered and having more compassion not just for others but for myself..... my emotions are more stable than ever before since being off BCP. So I'm in a good place to work on this. Also sorting out regular problems from endo problems so i can see straight for a while. Everthing gets mixed up together=overload! need to make time to focus on marriage, on friendship, on health and healing and endo. each is important not just endo. And have to remember that hubby is a real person and can't read my mind.... LOL!
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Post by KSA on Dec 30, 2010 23:55:15 GMT -5
My pain can take over a entire day if I let it. I have latley and laying around not wanting to talk out how I feel on a emotional level because everyone knows on a physical level I am not doing well. Its is eating away at me and I tend to lash out more over stuff. I could cry my days away but I keep as postive as I can. On my good days I make it a point to talk and be cheerful to make up for the bad days. I am a very active person even with the pain the situation right now tho has me a position where I can not be active or as active as I would like to be and that contributes to letting the pain take over days. If I keep myself busy enough I can ignore the pain or atleast not think about it as much.
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Post by sunshine78 on Dec 31, 2010 22:45:26 GMT -5
I want to deny that when I'm in pain it affects my emotions.
For the most part, I just shut them down, and deal with the pain, or trying to kill it.
However, if I already feel like something's about to bubble up to the surface, and pain starts to rear its ugly head, one of two things happens:
I either get so sick that I can't even focus on the emotion, or it amplifies the emotion to epic proportions (I mean, negative ones). Right now, I don't know if I'm clinically depressed, having an acute anxiety attack, having a nervous breakdown, having a catharsis, or just Mondo PMSing. I've been a basketcase for almost two hours, now, and I'd like that feeling to go away. I can say that I didn't start sobbing until I started to have Warning Cramps.
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Post by uncomfortable on Dec 31, 2010 23:31:50 GMT -5
I get the dead feeling a lot too. As obvious as the crazy emotions are to recognize as something very much attached to the pain, I think the dead feeling must be some kind of repressed representation of inexpressible emotion at the situation. I know I can't to anything to change or prevent the pain from happening, and once I have cried myself out, or do not have time to express how broken I feel, I resort to feeling dead inside.
those pre-cramps are like the calm before the storm in a way. its that warning bell to let you know you won't be functioning for a while. Its like a ticket to the roller coaster ride from hell.
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