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Post by KSA on Oct 10, 2010 21:27:19 GMT -5
I want to make this fast bc I hate being a bitch but my husband just came home from a weekend away and is mad at me bc I did not drive two hrs today to the college he went to for Homecoming weekend. 2 hrs there and back alone. I am lucky enough to drive 15 minutes to work without a seizure. My doc has been pretty clear that I stay local and he left early friday I had to work saturday so I could not go he complained that I could of but did not want to. Ummm I would of like to have gone to NYC alone or see Jenaya in DC alone but I need a freaking travel partner with me for the simplest of trips now bc of this seizure issue. He wants me to get behind the wheel for a drive a risk hurting myself or someone else? WTH seriously I am so mad.
He threw in my face today that I am running around doing all kinds of stuff for charity and a breast cancer walk. Ummm who complains about a wife doing good deeds? Im not goin to bars and sleeping around. My GOSH! Sorry but I am so mad right now I have no idea what is up his A~~!
If I could drive alone for that period of time I would have already done it or traveled alone by plane for even 2 hours I would do it. This hurts me to I want my freedom but I have to pick what I can do. I am a really independent girl I would travel any where alone I never cared. LOVED to drive to Florida or catch a flight alone to a new city and explore now ... I can drive to work, I can drive to my sisters, I can even drive to my doc appts if I am having a good day but not every day is a good day for me. I am so MAD!
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Post by sunshine78 on Oct 10, 2010 22:07:40 GMT -5
Wow. I'd be upset, too. Keep your head up, girl. He sees you up and about, doing things for others, but it doesn't seem to register that at least if something happened to you, someone would be around to summon medical help. Not so on a 2-hour solo drive.
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Post by KSA on Oct 10, 2010 23:50:41 GMT -5
I can't even sleep I am so upset with him. It is so selfish and to throw in my face the charity work I do. That is prob the worst of it. I would love to be leading a normal life but made adjustments as needed. I am pretty active for what I am up against with endo, my anemia, suspected lupus and my seizure disorder I think I am doing good. He is focused on all negative things. Thursday I had a seizure and I handled it alone it happend a home I had one and just went to sleep and went into work a few hours later. The next day I had a meeting for the charity event in december and I went. 3 months ago it would of been a huge ordeal I would still be in bed from the seizure.
I look at each day I do not end up in the hospital or taken to the doctors for a un planned visit is a awesome day. He is so negative it makes me sick!
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Post by Karen on Oct 11, 2010 6:25:23 GMT -5
Aw, Keri, hope you were able to get some sleep, and I hope both of you wake up with a clearer head about all this and are able to have a good talk.
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Post by JC on Oct 11, 2010 6:53:06 GMT -5
Aww I'm sorry Keri. I know what it's like to have a positive outlook and have your spouse be the negative pessimist. It happens to me all the time. I just half listen now for the sake of sparing my own feelings. lol
Are things better today? Does he understand why you're upset?
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Post by KSA on Oct 11, 2010 10:30:42 GMT -5
No things are not better. He made a list of things I do not do that he thinks I should do instead of the things I do. I was so angry when I saw this it was with a note I had wrote to him last night saying all the positives and he writes that back to me.
It was so ridiculas I threw it away. He is really pushing me to a level I have not yet been in my marriage. I can not believe he thinks he can treat me like this. It is so selfish that I do not even have anything to say to him.
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Post by pretty on Oct 11, 2010 13:45:18 GMT -5
Wow, I hope you can get that resolved with him. Sounds super stressful!
Maybe he is like me and just needs to dump on someone about once a year. My hubby is sort of an instant processor, he gets mad/glad/sad day to day and has lots of immediate issues he has to get out, like, NOW! and we work through his stuff all the time. Me however, I save it up for MONTHS, becuase I don't like confrontation, and then I dump it ALL on him and it takes him a couple days to work it out. Sounds like your hubby is from my passive-aggressive, grudge-holding school of thought. Not agreat way to be, but hey nobody's perfect... (I say to myself) anyhow, sounds like he's had these issues for a while, and although it's not fair and probably bad timing, his issues valid or not hold meaning for him.... I just hope you don't take it too hard. What he needs is for you to sit down with him and give each of his issues your full attention. Then he will 'forgive' you for all your 'flaws' and probably end up telling you it's really not that big of a deal and he loves you for the same things that bother him. Or that's what I hope he'll do......
Great now it sounds like I'm awful. I'm not really, and I'm hoping your sweetie's not a total a$$hole either..... he's just having a hard time handling stuff and is taking it out in a negative way....
In the meantimeI really hope you feel better! xxxoooo(((())))hugs
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Post by sunshine78 on Oct 11, 2010 21:50:39 GMT -5
I have a less earth-shattering bitch:
Still have a creepy rodent (it's cute, but I don't know where it's been, and what kinds of grubby little things it's tracking in) living under my refrigerator. He's stayed there, except for when I went to investigate, the other night. First, he came darting out from under the fridge, and he was bigger than the last mouse I had (years ago), so he doubly scared the sh1t outta me. I screamed bloody murder at 4AM. Well, right after that, he CLIMBED UP ONTO THE COUNTER, bold as you please, and sat there staring at me, until I noticed him, screamed and jumped 3 feet in the air, again, and he skittered back off.
I was hoping to avoid the little poisonous baits, 'cause I don't want the little creep dying in my house, but the glue traps... he's not having it, lol.
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Post by cherry on Oct 12, 2010 5:45:34 GMT -5
Keri that's saddening.
I've come across that in a less dramatic capacity. It was all about my being online talking to you guys after my op. 'You can sit up and talk to people you 'don't know' but you won't get out of your pjs?' um yeah it's therapy and these people care about how I'm doing. It doesn't qualify me to do star-jumps. Ass-grade sour grapes because he in fact had never had major pain or a surgery in his life, never mind freaking endometriosis and what my docs say is classed as 'major surgery'. Men just don't understand sometimes and worse still will refuse to understand because they have a complaint with how you deal.
Keri you're good-natured and understanding so I think the way you're husband is reacting is more upsetting because of that, you've gone in to repair with your positive list and he's responded rather bullish-ly.
Can you write him a letter like you've posted with us? Explain the difference between your doing charity work and a dangerous 2 hour drive alone. I know you'll cite facts and reactions 'the fact that you said that made me feel this' rather than the accusing 'you made me feel like this'
He needs it all setting out to him so that he can understand every little nuance of how you're feeling, in a way that he can read and re-read, without it getting emotional as a discussion and turning into an argument (atm I get upset because I lose the thread of what I mean and just cry with frustration because I can't explain, I don't know if you get like that sometimes) and then ask him to come talk to you when he's read it. It sounds like at the root that he feels he's not being properly prioritised and has taken it from there into other issues that he can pick at, so that he doesn't look like he's just being selfish in feeling left out?
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Post by cherry on Oct 12, 2010 6:01:25 GMT -5
My bitch is:
I have felt some days lately like I'd rather have my lady parts removed because it felt 'life -wrecking', the pain I've had. But I didn't voice it because it seems to solidify the whole thing and make it too real, and negative words about something I can't really change... well I guess you guys know enough of my rants to know that when I start complaining, I just can't freaking stop. I try my best to laugh through it or just go home and go to bed. I can't spread my misery. I learned the hard way about complaining. My life has been worse than this in other ways.
And now I take just every little grace and worship it in my mind so that I can smile each day. And dammit I'm beaming because there are so many lovely little things in life. I have so many worries but I just try so hard to find the good, or the solution, or the lesson.
So when the guy next to me is saying 'fml' (f*ck my life) because he has to do a 3000 word essay by the end of November and he doesn't have enough money to go out on 3 day bender of drink and drugs. It just makes me want flick him on the f*cking nose. Jeez I know it's all relative, we all cope with our own levels of trouble and pain, we don't know somebody's whole story. But when I say, chin up and he just wants to grind me down so that I feel sorry for him. I seriously want to tell him to go jump off a cliff. Without your health life's best bits are more precious but not as easily enjoyed... I wish people like this guy would just open their eyes to the injustices in the world and be grateful for little graces. This guy has a record deal and is living his dream and all he wants to do is bitch about stuff that is literally down to better choices he made (in this case, he chose to go to uni and he chose to spend his money on clothes instead of a stupid bender) and I'm sitting there not knowing what is going on inside me and not knowing what is gonna happen as a result of that.
That's it really. I still mope in private because I feel like my best friends don't give a sh*t and I wish I had a boyfriend to care about me but that just comes down to me standing on my own 2 feet.
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Post by sunshine78 on Oct 12, 2010 11:22:36 GMT -5
It's definitely good to focus on the positive, whenever possible. I feel you on the not always being able to say anything, because it's not like it makes anything better. But sometimes, you've just gotta say something, and that's what we're all here for.  Incidentally, I'd kick that guy's ass for bitching about a 3000 word essay. WAY too easy. Keri - I agree about the letter. You can get everything out that you want to address, without worrying about possible interruption and losing your train of thought. And, he'll have something concrete to actually look at, which some guys need in order for something to really sink in. |
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Post by JC on Oct 12, 2010 11:54:04 GMT -5
For some reason, I felt like I was walking around my school campus today with the word "wh0re" written on my forehead. I haven't even done anything wrong!!! WTF kind of feeling is that?
Like I had this sudden anxiety that everyone was staring at me. I have no idea where this is coming from!
I blame PMS....
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Post by sunshine78 on Oct 12, 2010 12:59:21 GMT -5
Are you terribly horny? I feel like have a sparkly, red "W" stamped on my forehead, when I'm horny, or when I just broke off a piece... and sometimes, I wonder if people can actually see the scrolling marquee of dirty thoughts that hangs out above my head. lol
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Post by JC on Oct 12, 2010 13:09:00 GMT -5
AHAHAhAHAHA!!!! That's funny! But that's how I feel! So what if I got a little freaky with my husband yesterday?? I shouldn't feel like a wh0re about it!
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Post by sunshine78 on Oct 12, 2010 13:18:32 GMT -5
Maybe the letter on your forehead is actually a "V" for vampy.  You got it sooooo good, that you have double vision. |
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Incidentally, I'd kick that guy's ass for bitching about a 3000 word essay. WAY too easy.
You got it sooooo good, that you have double vision.