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Post by pretty on Jun 30, 2010 14:23:04 GMT -5
Well, Vicodin makes me philosophical. After last month's period being short and painless (relatively) I was really starting to question Endo's role in my life. And I'm a relentless optimist anyhow. So I've been running my mouth about how it's all in my mind somehow, and the diet I'm on must really be working, and how sometimes you just have to bite the bullet, suck it up, and go to work even if you don't feel great.... And last week I didn't miss ANY work for a whole week.... And this week at work started out so great, but yesterday I got my period, and yesterday was semi-ok, in that i had pain but not enough to go home early.... and I was really congratulating myself, feeling so tough. Well at 4:28 this morning when I woke up feeling nauseous and freezing, with LOTS of pain focused on the left side, Then I Had Another Think Coming. Took 1/2 a vicodin, got both heating pads going, went back to sleep. Woke up again at 8:30, all screwy in the head from vicodin, texted my boss I would come in at noon..... WAY TOO OPTIMISTIC! Woke up again at 10:30 feeling like ABSOLUTE SH!T, even with pain pills, I could still feel this really sickening pain. And now I'm giving myself stern lectures about realism, pragmatism, and pure old pessimism. I need to erase the expectation that I will function normally at this time. I need permission to be a lazy girl. And I need to quit texting my boss I'll be in at noon when the fact is, I'm not going anywhere today. Thing is, I'm way more ok with actual pain than I am with being so off-track in my brain. I need to get real. Why do we Americans always insist on looking at the bright side (and there I go again.) Does anyone get me today? P
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Post by Karen on Jun 30, 2010 17:11:10 GMT -5
Yeah, I think I get you. You think you've got a good handle on things, then endo decides to kick your ass and remind you that you don't. It's sneaky that way!
And I'm the same about work. I wake up in pain, go to work in pain, and only after I'm there do I think 'hmm, I think I'm in too much pain to be at work'. Happens every damn time and I can't get myself to really get a grip on how much the pain is affecting me until *after* I leave the house. Sucks.
So, yes, you can still be optimistic and have a bit of pessimism in there, too, and be considered completely normal when it comes to endo!
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Post by sunshine78 on Jul 1, 2010 2:42:00 GMT -5
I've done the very same thing, about a million times.
I've decided the following: No more. At least, not for a company that treats its employees like sh1t. I'd name the corporation, the "Mother Company," but I still work there, so I can't, yet. But it will come.
My work ethic has always dictated that if I can walk, and I'm not feverish or having to go to the bathroom for any reason, every few minutes, then I can also drive my arse to work. It's that refusal to acknowledge that, sometimes, this thing actually DOES kick my ass.
One positive thing, I've found, is this: If you decide to go to work, and if you're in so much pain that you have to dope yourself up to the point of a comatose and half-retarded state in order not to be screaming/vomiting from the pain, then you don't have the capacity to give a sh1t about any of the B.S. that people are trying to dump on you, and hence, are less likely to end up in jail on murder charges.
In short, Pretty, you make perfect sense.
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Post by uncomfortable on Dec 8, 2010 6:26:17 GMT -5
I'm not even in a super huge amount of high pain, but I simply just don't want to go to work. I feel sick from the discomfort and constant drug feed, and feel really exhausted and just plain lazy. I really want to stay home and go back to bed, but I can't justify it to myself. Also laying down all day will only make me feel worse. But Ugh! Why can't I just feel ok with not going to work for one day during a heavy period?? Why do I feel I need to justify it.
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Post by Karen on Dec 8, 2010 7:32:36 GMT -5
That's the thing - you DON'T need to justify it! If you don't feel well, you don't feel well - doesn't matter if it's from a cold, flu, or your damn period! I'm trying really hard these days to just stay home if I don't feel good, but I know how hard it is. If you need me to be that voice that tells you to stay home, I'm more than happy to tell you - STAY HOME!
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Post by gemstone on Dec 8, 2010 8:19:40 GMT -5
I totally understand where you're coming from. The first day of my period is horrendous and I have had at least one day off from work each month due to the pain. They don't understand and are talking about a pay cut and other nice things because of it. My colleagues I've been told, have made snide remarks when I've been off and this just makes it worse. I just want to stay home and deal with pain and the grossness of it all without being on display, which is how I feel at the moment. I'm trying to find a nre job but am also toying with the idea of going part time if I can possibly afford it.
I hate not going to work - and even when I'm at my worst I still worry that I should be in work.
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Post by uncomfortable on Dec 8, 2010 8:25:45 GMT -5
Thanks Karen. I am staying home. I just wish I didn't have this built in guilt about it though. I am really trying to pay more attention to my body's needs lately. And when I need to rest, I need to rest.
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Post by cherry on Dec 8, 2010 9:09:28 GMT -5
I agree, some days you wake up and you feel burnt out. I had to do that a few weeks ago, I was so worn out and just said it was the same issue and felt so bad cos they panicked thinking it was like when I'd gone into hospital the week before. Either karma or my body really was gearing up for drama, but later that day I had to go to the ER. But yeah if you need to rest, you need it. People take duvet days when they don't have a chronic condition, but you do, so enjoy it and make the most of your time. Snuggle and watch crap on TV and know that you're entitled to recharge your batteries
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Post by hellsbells on Dec 8, 2010 9:46:46 GMT -5
I haul my ass out of bed every morning, because I hate taking sick days, even when I feel like crying with pain and tiredness. We get a 'talking to' if we're off more than 3 times in a 12 month rolling period - doesn't matter how many days, if someone is off once for 3 months, it's 'better' than my 6 days over 12 months (1.5 for lap, from which I recovered during the annual leave we're forced to take at xmas). It boiled my p1ss when my boss sat me down for an informal chat. He was cool about it though, only went through it cos he had to. Facebook seemingly give unlimited sick days - the website says 'If you're sick, stay home and get better'. Anyone fancy working for them??
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Post by pretty on Dec 8, 2010 16:01:46 GMT -5
Helen I have often turned to your posts to toughen myself up and you inspire me often. However here is the down side of that. I'm sorry you have to deal with such strict policies. Yes I would love to work at Facebook... lol.... hope you feel good enough to let it roll off your back, I'm sure your team values the heck out of you!
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Post by hellsbells on Dec 8, 2010 16:15:25 GMT -5
Wow, really? That's so cool...thanks! I hope you know how inspiring you can be too. I do have a softer side...I promise! I just tend to be the pragmatic type. What with bereavement, health issues, financial worries...all I can think to do is get on with things as best as possible. That old saying is so so true...Life goes on. God, I'd love to be a bear and hibernate through the winter!! How're you doing anyway? How's your pain?
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Post by pretty on Dec 8, 2010 18:48:55 GMT -5
what pain! lol. Just went to PT, had another excruciating hour, after which I feel AWESOME in relation.... doing really good actually. I am back on the horse, as it were, as far as work/life/marriage goes, and feeling optimistic. Like you I'm a pragmatist, I live in the now,and dream of a faraway time when I can just hole up.... not gonna be anytime soon, right? ha ha. Anyway yeah it's true, I am inspired by your attitude. Thanks again! being a strong woman with endo is AWESOME! we all need a badge or tattoo or something... lol
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Post by Karen on Dec 8, 2010 19:40:40 GMT -5
I am staying home. I just wish I didn't have this built in guilt about it though. I am really trying to pay more attention to my body's needs lately. Good! Although I can certainly be tough and have gone to work under some very rough conditions, I find it's easier to take it easy one day than to slug through 2-3 because I didn't take the time to take care of myself. (Or at least that's what I'm starting to try to tell myself!) Don't beat yourself up about it. If you can take the day off, take the day off!
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Post by chicagogal2 on Dec 8, 2010 19:55:40 GMT -5
I echo what everyone else has said. I tend to think of myself as a tough cookie, I don't just stay home for any little thing. I have to be pretty ill / in pain to stay home. I don't mind going in if I can make it thru with a therma care wrap around my tummy and still think clearly but these past few months on day 3 has kicked my ass and I just couldn't do it so I've stayed home. I figure our health is far more important than worrying what the boss or co workers think.
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Post by hellsbells on Dec 9, 2010 8:02:06 GMT -5
I figure our health is far more important than worrying what the boss or co workers think. Too true!!
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