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Post by KSA on Nov 29, 2009 23:18:51 GMT -5
I am up and down and all around with these darn emotions! The .15 mg of lexapro does not seem to be helping. I have spent alot of days in bed and not wanting to move. Jacob is the only person who can get me up. Of course I will do anything for him. I am going to call the docs and let them know how I feel. My GP said that if they would have to change meds she would rather do it with me in the hospital because of my issues with meds. I am trying to hold off on this as long as I can. I hate the hospital more than anything. I do not want to be going in for the holidays either. Oh gosh I have to get out of this funk!
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Post by Karen on Nov 30, 2009 7:42:43 GMT -5
I was wondering how you were doing - we haven't heard from you much the past few days. Please take care of yourself. There's no shame in asking for help. I think it's best to get your docs involved, at least let them start formulating a game plan. You still taking the progesterone cream suppositories? Perhaps they'd consider switching up your dose on that a bit, or switching up the delivery and seeing if you react any differently. Some women are super sensitive to it.
Take care!
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Post by KSA on Dec 4, 2009 11:14:10 GMT -5
I got my work release today from my doctor:) OMG I am in the best mood ever! I know alot of people would prob say oh yuck work but I LOVE my job and it is the best cure for depression. I get to help all the little ones gather holiday books and enjoy the season with everyone from work on Monday! I am singing and dancing today!
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Post by hellsbells on Dec 4, 2009 11:36:47 GMT -5
Ah that's nice to hear Keri. Getting back to something you enjoy will do you the power of good!
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Post by sunshine78 on Dec 4, 2009 18:42:57 GMT -5
That's awesome! Nothing like actually liking your job and doing something constructive and fun to keep the blues at bay.
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Post by Karen on Dec 4, 2009 21:32:06 GMT -5
Oh, that's great news, Keri! So glad for you!!
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Post by KSA on Jan 13, 2010 21:18:53 GMT -5
I can feel myself slipping back into a depression again. I discussed it with my doctor how I am not even sure the lexapro is helping. She explained that it takes time and with my body going thru another surgery and my current issue with my kidney stone I should wait it out. If in 6 weeks I am not doing better she would want to try me on a new medicine but will only do it if I am in the hospital. I expected her to say that because of my allergies to medicine so I am really wanting this lexapro to kick in so I do not have to switch meds and have another hospital visit. I talked to my boss today and I think that triggered alot today. I could tell she is upset I am not back to work and then I feel guilty like I need to go back ASAP I do not want anyone mad at me and I was off so long before that now I feel horrible that I am off again. I love my job and begged to go back but my doc said not yet if I pull my stiches again another surgery is in my future and my body can not handle it. I know I need to listen to my docs but I feel so bad about missing all of this work........  Everyone at work who I look at as friends. When I was in the hospital last for the surgery no one called or came to see me. I still have yet to hear from anyone other than my boss. I have vactioned with these women and they are much more that co workers to me. Its sad to say but I think they have all given up on me and just dont want to deal with another health issue with me. It makes me feel like a failure as a employee and a friend. Its almost like alright enough is enough really how could this happen to her again. I keep waiting for a month of no doc visits or hospital stays. I broke my New Years resolution 8 days in to the new year. I hate having self pitty I am sorry to ramble it is all just coming out.....sorry girls! |
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Post by Karen on Jan 13, 2010 21:43:07 GMT -5
Well, Keri, I think you have a lot on your plate and have a lot to think about. It's completely understandable to feel the way you do. Especially about the coworkers. Have you contacted them at all (besides your boss)? A lot of times, it's hard for people to know what to say, especially after so many episodes. I bet if you reached out to them and let them know how hard it's been, how much you'd value their support, they wouldn't let you down. But it's hard to do that when you feel like crap all the time.
As for your boss, is there any work you can be doing from home on a laptop? I know it might be hard to do in your profession, but if there's any way to do that, it might be a good way to reach out to your boss AND get your mind off of things a tiny bit. Don't know if that'd be allowed on medical leave, though.
Are the kidney stones any better now?
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Post by KSA on Jan 13, 2010 22:42:26 GMT -5
I wish I could do work at home but working in a library it is hard to do that. I get my ultrasound next tuesday. Doc said keep the fluids running with the hopes the stone will pass on its own. She also gave me a perscription of demerol for pain. It is the only pain med I can take but it usaully ran thru a IV. I am not it the horrible pain I was in the night I went into the hospital so I am keeping the demerol for when the stone starts moving again and I will need it. It is a dull pain now I feel it but no near as bad. Once we figured out where the stone is then we will go from there.
I did contact a friend from work but she acted very short with me. It made me feel worse. I have a strong intuition with people and I felt like she was thinking just get back to work already. I tried to convince my GP to let me go back but she said if they have to send me to a uriologist for the stone or to put a stint in I will have to be out again and it would be better to no go back to work and then be pulled out again. My doc also said with having surgery 3 weeks ago to repair the cuff she did not want to send me back that my surgeon would have to do that. She did not want to step on his toes. I see him on monday. Its a waiting game right now.
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Post by sunshine78 on Jan 14, 2010 3:58:06 GMT -5
Keri,
If it's necessary, and you have the photos from laps/other procedures, and if there's any way to get a picture of your kidney stone, show them. At the very least, the shocking nature will shut them up. They might actually see how serious things are, as an added benefit.
There are just certain things that nobody is going to understand, unless it either happens to them/someone they love, or until they see the proof, no matter how graphic.
By the same token, it's also not your responsibility to make them understand anything. This is your business, this is your body, and without it working properly, YOU can't work properly. And if it's covered and your job is protected, then they can all just put their big girl panties on, and deal with it.
It just blows my mind sometimes, though, about the kinds of concessions people are granted for other serious and/or chronic ailments, without question. I don't really know what it is about endo (other than it not happening to men) that's so different, really.
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Post by KSA on Jan 15, 2010 23:29:13 GMT -5
Thanks Sunshine. I have enough documentation from my doctors they have me off for the vaginal cuff surgery and the kidney stone. If I had not been carrying tons of books that day back and forth for 8 hours I may not of even had the torn cuff but who knows. I was not healing properly anyways. If I was working and this happend to one of my coworkers I would feel so bad. I would make sure I called to check and see if they were ok. When I go back to work it is going to be very hard to pretend like my feelings are not hurt. It will not be easy to go back either if I have restrictions and everyone is bitter that I have been off again. Its the library and if someone needs something and coworkers do not want to help and I am not able to do it its not like I can tell the patron NO. I usually will just do it and pay the consquences later. Which is how I prob ended up like this never asking for help.
My husband keeps saying not to stress and get better that all of them care that just do not want to bother me and let me rest. I do no know maybe he is right. I have no idea but it hurts and is making me sad. None of them no what Endo really is they think like many people do that its cramps when you have your period. When I was first diagnosed I had a ton of support but no one understood the disease I did not expect them to. Docs do not even understand it.
I think when I went in for my iron infusion and almost died is when everyone took it a little more serious even my husband. Everyone kinda thought before that I could get better with the iron and then have surgery later. When I could not take the infusions and ended up worse off it hit everyone and me really hard. The seizures and memory issues makes things even more embarrassing for me at work. I mean to have one major problem is one thing but numerous issues it makes me feel like a failure. I was not always like this I am a college graduate, smart and could articualte my words very well. Now I feel like I am more of nuisance to people at work then anything else. At one time I could tell you where a book was the color the call number and the last patron who checked it out. Now I forget how to use our phone system sometimes. It frustrating....
With a few weeks of rest and healing from the cuff surgery and the kidney stone when that passes I should be able to work with minimal problems I wish everyone did not give up on me so fast! I am not giving up when I have the clear from my docs I am going back try again. I will never fail I may feel like a failure but its not in me to give up on myself or anyone....
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osb
Junior Member
Posts: 72
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Post by osb on Jan 16, 2010 0:32:13 GMT -5
Keri, you're holding up so well for all you've been through. If any of your co-workers had to deal with everything you've dealt with, they'd look like they'd been hit by a Mac truck. Wonder if in some way the sheer endurance developed from living with endo (or any chronic pain) makes one tough as nails and able to work through to the healing. (....but do take enough time to rest, the heavy lifting will keep....)
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Post by Karen on Jan 16, 2010 0:44:55 GMT -5
Well, Keri, it may feel like they've given up, but I think you have the right attitude - just go back in there when you can and do what you can. Whatever happens with you, you always at least have us!  |
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Post by hellsbells on Jan 16, 2010 7:30:18 GMT -5
Keri, twice in two posts you've said you feel like like a failure. I'm glad to see that you also said although you may feel that way, you know you're not. None of us are, we're just suffering a dealing with a disease that very few people understand. You haven't failed your boss or your friends, they've failed you. And as other people have said, maybe they just don't know what to say. The one you did contact may have been having an off-day herself. I think taking in the 'evidence' isn't a bad idea. I think it's normal in most companies for some people to bitch a little when someone is off long-term, because if you don't understand why it can be difficult to accept. I see it in my own place of work.
You MUST MUST put yourself first. You're a young woman with plenty of time to work as hard as you need to satisfy yourself in your career. But right now you really need to concentrate on getting yourself well. **hugz** babe!!
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Post by Tara on Feb 5, 2010 9:11:43 GMT -5
I cried for an 1 hour and 1/2 last night. I was having alot of abd pain so I was sitting under my heating pad, My daughter asked me for something and I bit her head off. So she went to bed crying. Then I started to cry, and after 1/2 an hour, I watched private practise on t.v. and continued to cry for the whole show. Today I appologized to my daughter. But my eyes are so sore today, and I still feel like crying, so something is definatly out of wack.
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Everyone at work who I look at as friends. When I was in the hospital last for the surgery no one called or came to see me. I still have yet to hear from anyone other than my boss. I have vactioned with these women and they are much more that co workers to me. Its sad to say but I think they have all given up on me and just dont want to deal with another health issue with me. It makes me feel like a failure as a employee and a friend. Its almost like alright enough is enough really how could this happen to her again. 
