GRRRRR

[pamelaj]

I am SOOOOO mad right now. The realization of not being able to have more babies didnt actually hit me until last night when i checked my calendar and realized that i should of gotten my period yesterday.
Instead of the normal woman's expression, "i may be pregnant" i started to cry. Why? Because I CANT GET PREGNANT. Its hit me hard that i will never feel a baby growing inside me. I will never have another child call me mom. Im mad because endo has taken away from me what i want the most.
I was talking to me step daughter's mother last night to finalize a time that im picking her up on friday and she got mad at me for some reason and said "remember, this is Brad and I's daughter, not yours, you and Brad will never have a baby together". I could of reached through the freaking phone and strangled her.
To top it off, a close friend of mine called me and told me she was pregnant. She is married for 12yrs, has 4 kids already, she is an amazing mother and i told her congrats. She asked me if i would go with her to get an abortion because she said they are to old to be starting over. WTF??? Can anyone truly be as insensitive as the 2 woman i spoke with last night?
One woman rubs it in that i will never have a child with the man who truly has had my heart for many years and another woman rubs it in that she is very fertile and wants to kill the human being growing inside her.
To make a long story short, the reason im so mad at the insensitivity of both woman is that each knows the struggles i have gone through in life to get to where i am and both knew that I had miscarried a child 5 years back(it was Brads).
How do I handle these woman. They dont seem to realize that a hysterctomy was not my choice for me. They think i did it just to enjoy not having a period. If that were the case, wouldn't i have just gotten pregnant?

[Karen]

Yikes, sorry kiddo, I can't imagine what you're going through, but I can completely understand your thoughts. I really don't know what to say. Hugs!

[JC]

UGH how rude! I think you should just be flat out honest and say hey, it's not easy for me to deal with the fact that I can't have children so I would appreciate it if you would not call attention to this.
As far as the step-daughter's mother, I'm not sure if that will ever be a friendly encounter cause she sounds like a real biotch.
I'm so sorry. They are so awful. I'm kinda a withdrawler.. if someone bothers me this much I just stop talking to them.

[pamelaj]

Jenaya...what you called the ex is a nice word i would use for her. She is so much worse than that you wouldnt believe. We will NEVER have friendly encounters and when around Mia, we only say things that are necassary.
Im a confrontational person. If someone bothers me this much, i let them know

[hellsbells]

Hideous woman. Both of them. Urrghh. The ex is obviously jealous, and your 'friend' is downright insensitive. Makes my blood boil. Go hug your lovely Brad xx

[Susanne]

I'm speechless. How can people be like that? Cruel, insensitive witches! Hope you have some support from Brad and maybe some other friends. And I'm really sorry for the dream you lost. I cannot even begin to imgaine the impact of the situation you are in and all the emotions. I wish you strenght and loads of love to support you.

[pamelaj]

His ex will never accept me and is very jeleous. She left him almost 6 years ago for another man and at the time, we had been bestest friends for 4 years. I seen him go through it all. He went to hell and back and we support each other regarding EVERYTHING.
He kinda understands what it means to me with what they did and although he is trying to be supportive, he just isnt sure what to say or do.
Both of these woman are cruel and i let them both know it

[osb]

Sad sympathies, pamelaj. People can be downright idiots on this subject (sometimes deliberately so - your parter's ex sounds like a real wizard). Loss of your dream feels like a gaping wound to you; but since it doesn't show on the outside, people rarely hesitate to poke their fingers in it.

There are times when it feels like the entire world's fertility does nothing but remind me of what I'm missing (... er, not the world's fault, I'm sure - but sometimes I'm thinking, 'could we just stop talking about babies long enough for me to catch my breath?!').

I read a fantastic book - collection of essays from multiple perspectives - called "Nobody's Mother". Think it was edited by Sheila Rogers (you're Canadian, so might recognize her name from CBC radio?). A few of the essays gave me a way to think about infertility with some modicum of grace.... maybe to at least be thankful for what I have. Helped me drown out the insensitive/inquisitive idiots, anyway. But I confess, I still rage privately (and I've known my own dream was gone for more than 5 years now). Yours is a new and wrenching loss, I don't know what to say.

[pamelaj]

I have 2 biological children(boys), but we have that true love thing going on...you know the saying "if you love something set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be"? That truly is us as we have an 11yr past.
Everybody knows we wanted one of "OUR" own. The dream is just now not there for that and im extremely mad that people can be so incencitive about people's dreams not coming true.

[JC]

I'm so sorry. Why are people so cruel?

[osb]

Sorry if I was projecting, pamelaj! (tender subject for me too, this month.... 'nother story). But loss of dream is loss is loss. Dang the insensitive.

[sunshine78]

You're a trooper, Pam. I hope you used swear words, and lots of them, when you told them exactly how you felt. Sometimes, I wonder what's worse - other being insensitive, or obtuse.

As far as the ex-wife is concerned, she'll never be satisfied with herself. Otherwise, she wouldn't actively try to make you feel like sh*t. She just doesn't want to admit that she, herself, is total scum.

[pamelaj]

Sunshine, i think i used every swear word in the dictionary plus i probably made up a few new ones. His ex just got me so mad and upset and when she said its her and Brads daughter, not mine...i reminded her in a not so friendly way that it was ok because Her daughter and i shared something that she will never share with her daughter...THE SAME LAST NAME!!!

Revenge is so sweet

[sunshine78]

pamelaj's racking up the points, lolol! That is an ass-kicking zinger, right there.

[hellsbells]

Oooo I like it! Nice throwback!!!!!