Post by Jen on May 8, 2014 13:01:17 GMT -5
Alright ladies, I have a pretty new age question.. how, as an endo girl, do I get over the fact that I found porn on my boyfriends phone yesterday?
I have read thread after thread on all sorts of forums and just can't get it out of my head. We have been together for nearly four years n I honestly thought we were solid. I know he craves more sex from me but it's not like it's non existent, we have sex maybe twice a week, more if I'm up to it. But he's the type to count the days which makes me feel like I'm not living up to his standards. Don't get me wrong, he's boosted my self esteem amazingly during our time together, and finding porn in his history or phone has always pissed me off but never to the point where I'm actually repulsed.
This is no addiction or anything serious, otherwise there would be some other major issues here. But why do I feel like I'm the one with the issues?? I felt so disgusting in fact that I confronted him in a very mature way. Firstly I apologised for looking thru his history, I really felt bad about it but just couldn't seem to stop myself even tho I know I hate what I find (ive done this no more than once a year during our relationship). There's no excuse for breaching his trust like that and I still feel horrible about it. But why do I even care? Because I'm already insecure about myself in the bedroom, only one position is tolerable because of pain n he finds it really hard to turn me on now. Anyway, then he figured out what id found n got a bit embarrassed but then pushed the fact that he didnt understand why I needed to look at his history. I said I didnt know, insecurities I guess, then he fobbed off the real reason I was upset. I told him I wouldn't ever ask him to stop because (even tho him watching it turns my stomach) its a guy thing, n I'm not niaive about the fact that he would do it anyway, just hide it better. He pretty much said I'd either have to get used to it or tell him to stop, which he would do. I don't want to control him but I am going out of my brain because I cant stop obsessing.
He is my best friend n we talk about everything but I feel that if I bring this up again he'll get annoyed. I don't want him to shut me out but by keeping this to myself I feel like I'm doing that to him, which hurts so much more.
So, ultimate question, how the hell do I just let this go?? I cant sleep, or eat coz I feel so sick about this. All my insecurities, which I thought I had a handle on, have just bubbled back up to the surface, throw in some new endo ones n you have me, a complete and utter wreck since yesterday.
Help
I have read thread after thread on all sorts of forums and just can't get it out of my head. We have been together for nearly four years n I honestly thought we were solid. I know he craves more sex from me but it's not like it's non existent, we have sex maybe twice a week, more if I'm up to it. But he's the type to count the days which makes me feel like I'm not living up to his standards. Don't get me wrong, he's boosted my self esteem amazingly during our time together, and finding porn in his history or phone has always pissed me off but never to the point where I'm actually repulsed.
This is no addiction or anything serious, otherwise there would be some other major issues here. But why do I feel like I'm the one with the issues?? I felt so disgusting in fact that I confronted him in a very mature way. Firstly I apologised for looking thru his history, I really felt bad about it but just couldn't seem to stop myself even tho I know I hate what I find (ive done this no more than once a year during our relationship). There's no excuse for breaching his trust like that and I still feel horrible about it. But why do I even care? Because I'm already insecure about myself in the bedroom, only one position is tolerable because of pain n he finds it really hard to turn me on now. Anyway, then he figured out what id found n got a bit embarrassed but then pushed the fact that he didnt understand why I needed to look at his history. I said I didnt know, insecurities I guess, then he fobbed off the real reason I was upset. I told him I wouldn't ever ask him to stop because (even tho him watching it turns my stomach) its a guy thing, n I'm not niaive about the fact that he would do it anyway, just hide it better. He pretty much said I'd either have to get used to it or tell him to stop, which he would do. I don't want to control him but I am going out of my brain because I cant stop obsessing.
He is my best friend n we talk about everything but I feel that if I bring this up again he'll get annoyed. I don't want him to shut me out but by keeping this to myself I feel like I'm doing that to him, which hurts so much more.
So, ultimate question, how the hell do I just let this go?? I cant sleep, or eat coz I feel so sick about this. All my insecurities, which I thought I had a handle on, have just bubbled back up to the surface, throw in some new endo ones n you have me, a complete and utter wreck since yesterday.
Help