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Post by butterfly80 on Feb 7, 2013 21:21:49 GMT -5
First of all Hope it is ok to have started off a new Bitch Fest Thread but noticed the others one were year based....and needed to vent bitch and scream... Ohhhhh my... So the meds (the 4th ones i have tried) were not relieving my pain either, and could not experiment with them any longer as they were making me ill. I was getting very dizzy and drowsy and visious nausea..and spells of hot spells and feeling overcomed. Oddly enough the intense nausea and dizziness kicked in worse about 4 hours later almost as if i was coming down off of something , bizare. In so much pain again today, which is no different from other days. But pain is more increased today from yesterday. My period stopped on monday with some spotting and Tuesday and wednesday was pain but regular pain but today it is up again. Feels like something is ripping through my lower insides and like there is full force pressure in me, like something ripping through or trying to rip through my vagina. Not pleassant at all and just feeling angry and deftead. I am tired of the bandaid effect of lets give you meds . Every minute to two minutes i get a stabbing pain in my ovary area and feels like something is cutting through me below belly button. I long for a day where i do not feel any pain, where i do not have to be attached to my heating pad, or where i do not have to hold my tummy,. Is the pain in and through the vagina normal? having pain in lower back but that could be from a strain i had years ago. Appetite been down as just been in pain and then sick for a few days with meds so hopeing tomorrow i can eat better as need it. Thats enough for my first rant i think...
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Post by deborah1 on Feb 7, 2013 21:33:03 GMT -5
Sorry to hear your having such a bad time😞. I am on three types of meds, one of which makes me very naseous. One thing that helps me is making a huge pot of peppermint/ chammomile tea. The mint counteracts the naseous feeling and the chammomile is a natural antibacterial/calming tea. It also helps to drinks lots of this because it also flushes all those drugs from your system. It's so frustrating, I know, but we have to work with what we get,huh? Go back to your gp and tell him it's not helping your pain, tell him something needs to be adjusted. Sometimes when you have so much chronic pain, our bodies build up a tolerance to pain meds. Hope you feel better tomorrow!
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Post by butterfly80 on Feb 8, 2013 7:28:24 GMT -5
Thanks was a rough night last night for sure...broke down and cried a coupe times, which I am not a fan of...but sometimes we just can't help it! Going to call gp today, discuss some options with her. If I can get in today that is, if not next week. You are so right we have to work with what we got.... I wish I liked tea lol.
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Post by alivenkicking on May 23, 2013 19:32:25 GMT -5
all right, i'm in need of a major self-pitying bitch fest... i tried to get at the root of what's really bugging me, but finally realized i just need to vent to an understanding audience. i've been a lurker on here lately and haven't posted in forever, but feeling more grateful than ever that y'all are out there...
i had surgery number 3 in jan 2011 and continued with a million other natural treatments, which brought me to around april 2012 when pain only came with periods, and even then was manageable without narcotics. i went back to work after a year of unemployment due to endo, began tapering off my last and most challenging head med, a daunting and slow-going endeavor, expanded my social life and started doing yoga and hiking again. yay.
in october i broke my leg by standing still in a field while two happy pit bulls at full tilt ran into me in tandem. i left our home to stay with my mom out of town for ten weeks while i was on crutches because of all the stairs at our apartment. it was tough-going but i did it.
happily rejoined with my family in december: boyfriend and two critters, in a new house with roomies to get out of the apt with stairs. yikes. more than we bargained for but we're moving out in a week.
january i became a superstar. i was so stoked to be back in bloomington, fully mobile and feeling well, rocking my periods in style, taking hot yoga classes several times a week like a rockstar. the next few months were golden: yoga, new job in organic produce, time with friends, taking an online course in a subject i see as my true calling, began volunteering at the local theater to get out and meet folks and see events for free, began training to rehab wildlife, felt called and (FINALLY) ABLE to help several friends in their own struggles. i was really rocking it, gals. like feeling what life is like without chronic illness ruling the show, figuring out who i am after years of mental and then physical health keeping me from fully pursuing my goals. i felt freed to go balls out to realize my dreams. and it was glorious! i started putting time and attention into my appearance, made buddies at the yoga studio, went for splendid walks around town smiling at people, and aside from the anxiety that came and went with the medication taper, being generally stoked.
all of this made it easier to deal with the fact that my period was coming earlier and earlier. with more pain but still do-able. i assumed it was the benzodiazepine taper, which mucks with the brain in all kinds of ways. i went to the doc finally, who ordered an ultrasound and we discovered CYSTS!!! followed by an 11 day period with the worst pain in a year and the nausea, fatigue, dizziness that didn't even bother to go away when the bleeding did. emmer effer.
and that's where i'm at. laying in bed with my most lovely and patient and amazing boyfriend, my lovely old kitty and our lovely leg-breaking pit bull. with my laptop and my wifi and "how i met your mother" on our tv...i am so outrageously blessed, with amazing relationships and love in my life. and i'm PISSED.
that i have to do it all again, tell all these new friends and co-workers why i'm such a lame-ass and don't want to do anything but go home. and we're moving in a week, and i'm hosting my best friend's baby shower in a month and i'm coming off of heavy duty anxiety medication, and i'm on fatty doses of progesterone again, and i have to have another surgery, and i feel like sh*t all the time and i never want to cook anything so i'm a big fat burden and i'm all ooper dooper bloated so none of my pants fit and my renewed cuteness is no longer. and i can't be the superstar student in the class i am so excited to be taking because i can't even concentrate to get through all the reading. and i'm just effing pissed about it all. i love the life i was finally living again, active and full and fulfilling. this pushing to get through the day and doing everything through a fog of pain/nausea/fatigue is NOT fulfilling. and i don't want to be here again.
and the worst part? my dear old dad, my sweet old man, was in the hospital with congestive heart failure last week, and i couldn't even go down for a whole week to see him because i couldn't drive the two hours by myself. and when i finally made it down, i wanted to do everything in the universe to help him and make him feel better. and while what i could do was helpful and he was so appreciative, i knew all of the things i was having to shortcut because i was moving through endo funk to do it. that sucked the most.
i'm so ANGRY. and it feels like such an entitled, selfish thing but i can't seem to get past it. guh.
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Post by Karen on May 23, 2013 21:29:46 GMT -5
Hey - good to hear from you!! I missed you! You, my dear, have a lot going on these days! I'm so excited for your progress - it really sounds like you've got a lot of things figured out and are taking back control of your life and your health. That's incredibly amazing! However, I can also relate to the low feeling of taking a few steps back. It knocks me on my ass every time. I know how to cope with being sick/run-down/grumpy/exhausted/hurt, and I know how to take advantage of the days/weeks/months that I feel awesome, but I have yet to figure out how to cope with going from one extreme to the next. It always, always, always sends me into a tailspin. A mad, sad, blubbering mess.
The good news, though, is that it's not permanent. You're learning how to take care of yourself, to take control of your health, to nurture your soul, and that's AWESOME! Once you recover from those cysts, you can have that all over again! You fought to feel good before, and I have no doubt you'll do it again. And, yeah, life may throw another wrench in things after you're all healed up, but you can figure that out, too. You amaze me at all that you've taken on and tackled. Don't let the most recent events take away from that. In the meantime, ask your friends and family for their understanding. Do what you can, and forgive yourself for not being able to do the rest. You'll get through it!
So, have your pitty party for as long as you need to. Get it out of your system. Be mad for as long as it feels right. We all get that. But please, tell yourself that the situation you're in right now isn't forever. Because it's not.
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Post by alivenkicking on May 24, 2013 23:04:57 GMT -5
Oh Karen, you are such a peach! That is really helpful to step back and see the difficulty of going from one extreme to another, and having some compassion for ourselves in light of it. I admire your awareness that it always sends you into a tailspin...I guess the same thig happens t me too... :/ Oh my, this is just the best encouragement, cheerleading, and high five all in one! Truly truly. Thank you so much, Karen!
A book I took off the shelf last night that I think you might also like: Living Well with Pain and Illness by Vidyamala Burch. She emphasizes a mindfulness approach with a regular meditation practice without sounding preachy. So nice to reconnect with you!
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Post by Karen on May 25, 2013 8:26:07 GMT -5
Thanks for the book suggestion! I might have to check that one out. So when's your surgery and how's your dad doing?
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Post by alivenkicking on May 27, 2013 22:19:34 GMT -5
Surgery is on hold just in case they are functional cysts and shrnk in response to a month of progesterone. It's taking the conservative approach, which I suppose I should appreciate, but I know these symptoms all too well. I want to say "surgery now, please," but I also want to be hopeful at the outside chance that they're not endometriomas. An then tonight I heard a friend's story of an endometrioma bursting and hearing from her surgeon that she had the biggest mess inside that he'd seen in a long time.... The bursting is what I'm afraid of so I've been leery of yoga and sex which equals less fun and endorphins. My pa is doing better, thank you for asking! I went to see him this weekend, and he's looking good, feeling good and being social. Can't ask for much more for an old man with heart disease! How is the hardcore food plan going? I'd like to look into that forum you referred to that coincides with the food plan. I'm so glad it's been an added support for you, without the added responsibility of moderating.
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Post by omaklackey on May 29, 2013 19:59:05 GMT -5
I'm so sick of everything right now. I have been sucking down gatorade and popsicles since this morning at 400 am. I got up to go see a ceserean but they had forgotten to call and tell me the baby came early. So then I just had that much longer to think about how hungry I am right now. I started my bowel prep and I'm already sick to death of gatorade. I'm so very tired of having to do this. Why can't I just get someone to listen to my symptoms instead. They aren't going to find anything, they never do until I go in for surgery and then they find plenty! UGH
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Post by nibletz on Oct 29, 2013 11:07:51 GMT -5
Ugh!!!
Just need to let off steam n self pity myself
Im sick of people including my husband at times thinkbg the know whats best for me and having that look on their face...I get it...im ill n always in pain but don't assume u know whats best for me or even ask how I am unless u want the reall truth!!!! Like 1. I hate not being able to work i love working n loved my job however couldnt continue due to pains I wish so bad I could a job now today n go back to working but I cant tell u how hard it is 'not knowing' how I'll be one day to the next... 2. Im depressed n try hard to keep busy so I can keep my mind at ease n sleep n eat I hate not having money to go see family or unable to walk for hours on end without wantng to cry or scream 3. I want a child so bad but hubby dont n it saddens .e deeply dont get me wrong I don't hate people who having babies or just found out they expecting n am happy for em just when certain comments come out like u dont know love till your a mother or ur not a real woman till you've had a child....I just feel inadequate n deprived in some manner Im so frustrated right now I wanna get in bed n cry n scream n just want to be held I know its crazy n mad but if I ask my hubby to hold me or eve a hug he asks me why? Like I need a reason?! Ughhhh
I think thats enough for now ilack motivation right now!!!!
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Post by princessbritain on Dec 13, 2013 20:45:48 GMT -5
Nib I know your post was a while ago but number 3. that really annoys me, people never think before they speak, I've had that said a few times too me and it can be very hurtful if you have endometriosis, I think it doesn't matter what stage you have that the whole "will I be able to have kids" issue is always on your mind.
My little issue is that I don't like to get fussed over but I have told a few people about my health and some have been really great but others have completely dismissed it as if its the common cold, now I know I'm not about to drop dead but some people can be really insensitive. I had a lady who I do not like very much and its mutual lol tell me she "had" endo and she got the lining of her womb burnt off? and she had no issue after that and apparently that's the ONLY way to cure it -____- first of all I don't believe her because she is one of those people who will say she's had everything, even lied about having cancer once and second if you had endo you would know that is not the only way.
I don't think people take this disease seriously sometimes, it sometimes feels that if you don't have cancer then nobody cares? dunno if that's bad for me to say that but its true, I get told all the time "It could be worse"..."it could be cancer" -___- like yeah ermm.
I also find a lot of sites and even Dr shows don't explain how serious it is and blow it off like its a headache or just "period pain" so I guess people watching just think that too.
x
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Post by nibletz on Dec 21, 2013 17:07:38 GMT -5
Hey princess
Thanks for your kind words I do have to say I am now pregnant 10.5weeks due in july am excited
Those comments suck though as it was always family (Although hubby didnt want anymore kids I had an early ultrasound and his face lit up when he saw the lil heartbeat flicker)
I dont get why someone would lie about stuff like that...and I know what you mean when people dont really care unless its cancer they think its all in your head n ur faking it!
Just so you know we here for you hun hugs xxx
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Post by princessbritain on Dec 25, 2013 16:39:46 GMT -5
Awww i bet he or she will be absolutely gorge!!!!! Aye, everyone seems so sweet and helpful on here it's good to have people to speak to who know exactly how I feel and who are not judgemental xx
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Post by nibletz on Dec 26, 2013 11:05:15 GMT -5
Thanks Ali i hope so too xxx
Someone will know something you don't that's what's great and always helpful xx
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