Post by Jen on Nov 4, 2012 21:14:49 GMT -5
So at the age of 12 I got Glandular Fever, it took me off school for 3 years in total, I went back properly at 15 after I had had 3 relapses and beaten a mild case of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and major depression.
Ever since getting my period at 14 I've had really bad pain with it. I went on the combined pill to control the pain and flow (as I was low on iron as well) which seemed to trigger intense migraines. I had the depo injection for one year, my weight ballooned but the pain seemed to subside. At 18 I had a Mirena inserted which stopped my periods, helped a lot with the pain and migraines and I lived a relatively normal life for a few years.
I've had 3 major relationships, my first began at 17 and lasted 3 years. I had pain with sex but didn't think anything of it. He had depression and I (sadly) couldn't stick around and watch him not want to get better. We parted ways on mutual ground. When I went to uni I was a happy, bubbly person with mild pain during sex (I drank a lot and didn't have much self respect) which I shrugged off as normal. I constantly had my Mirena checked as it always felt out of place - looking back it would've been endo giving me that pain.
My next relationship lasted a year and a half and ended very badly, he drank a lot and got abusive and possessive when he was drunk. He never hit me but pushed me around a lot and was a monster verbally. I always maintained that if a man ever hit me I'd be out, no questions asked. The grey area is that even though he was rough, he never actually hit me. The first time he threw me around he apologised profusely and promised never to drink again. He drank (to get drunk) a total of 3 times after that. Depression took hold of me again and I had a pain in my stomach I couldn't explain but no doctor seemed to want to touch it. I left him suddenly (I don't think he understood why, still to this day) and have never seen him again. I took drugs to numb the pain, emotional and physical. I partied a lot and kind of went off the rails.
The relationship I'm in now is good. Not great but good. We are very strong. I love him heaps and he has been there for me through my diagnosis, when I was at my physical worst (vomitting, upset tummy everyday, pain so bad I couldn't move). He supported me and pulled me through the pain and anger of my previous relationship (the irony of our story is that we were together for 3 months in high school and lost our viginity to eachother). He has a daughter who's mother has endo as well, so he was the one who suggested I go to a specialist and get diagnosed properly. After losing my job through a nervous break down I went to a public specialist who decided to try me on the pill again, and then told me it's in my head. I waited 6 months for that appointment. Once my mum told me she still had me on her health insurance I made an app at an actual womens specialist. The first day I saw him he told me he wanted to operate asap as I had typical endo signs - he didn't waste any time at all, he asked to do a lap in two weeks time but I wanted to give my partner time to notify his work to get time off. I made the date for a month later.
I felt powerless after my lap as I was so dependent on everyone. I couldn't get hold of my surgen for a follow up and my GP told me that because I'd had my lap the pain I was still having was in my head. Her words exactly. "In your head". I've had counselling for this and have been on so many antidepressants and painkillers I would rattle if they weren't digested!
My partner has a volatile ex who is jealous of me, not only with him but with her daughter. She's a terrible mother, leaving her 5yo to look after her baby while she goes to the shops, not washing her to the point that my step daughter got vaginal thrush. But we can't do anything about it. She chops and changes when we see our girl and my partner can't do a thing about it. We've been to two lawyers, counselling and tried to get a parenting agreement drawn up. He doesn't qualify for legal aid even though he pays for me, his daughter, and all the debts he incurred when he was with his ex (mostly her spending his money).
So my point is that I've beaten depression at least 3 times, Glandular Fever, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and an abusive relationship. Why should I keep fighting against endo, it feels like it's back already and my spirits are going down very fast. I can't get a job because of migraines and period pain (and pain during the rest of the month), my partner is looking after me financially and emotionally most of the time. I have an awesome mum who is there at the drop of a hat with anything I need, and yet I still can't beat this thing....
I'm feeling so frustrated and down, I don't want to be a burden anymore and really can't face up to anything.
Ever since getting my period at 14 I've had really bad pain with it. I went on the combined pill to control the pain and flow (as I was low on iron as well) which seemed to trigger intense migraines. I had the depo injection for one year, my weight ballooned but the pain seemed to subside. At 18 I had a Mirena inserted which stopped my periods, helped a lot with the pain and migraines and I lived a relatively normal life for a few years.
I've had 3 major relationships, my first began at 17 and lasted 3 years. I had pain with sex but didn't think anything of it. He had depression and I (sadly) couldn't stick around and watch him not want to get better. We parted ways on mutual ground. When I went to uni I was a happy, bubbly person with mild pain during sex (I drank a lot and didn't have much self respect) which I shrugged off as normal. I constantly had my Mirena checked as it always felt out of place - looking back it would've been endo giving me that pain.
My next relationship lasted a year and a half and ended very badly, he drank a lot and got abusive and possessive when he was drunk. He never hit me but pushed me around a lot and was a monster verbally. I always maintained that if a man ever hit me I'd be out, no questions asked. The grey area is that even though he was rough, he never actually hit me. The first time he threw me around he apologised profusely and promised never to drink again. He drank (to get drunk) a total of 3 times after that. Depression took hold of me again and I had a pain in my stomach I couldn't explain but no doctor seemed to want to touch it. I left him suddenly (I don't think he understood why, still to this day) and have never seen him again. I took drugs to numb the pain, emotional and physical. I partied a lot and kind of went off the rails.
The relationship I'm in now is good. Not great but good. We are very strong. I love him heaps and he has been there for me through my diagnosis, when I was at my physical worst (vomitting, upset tummy everyday, pain so bad I couldn't move). He supported me and pulled me through the pain and anger of my previous relationship (the irony of our story is that we were together for 3 months in high school and lost our viginity to eachother). He has a daughter who's mother has endo as well, so he was the one who suggested I go to a specialist and get diagnosed properly. After losing my job through a nervous break down I went to a public specialist who decided to try me on the pill again, and then told me it's in my head. I waited 6 months for that appointment. Once my mum told me she still had me on her health insurance I made an app at an actual womens specialist. The first day I saw him he told me he wanted to operate asap as I had typical endo signs - he didn't waste any time at all, he asked to do a lap in two weeks time but I wanted to give my partner time to notify his work to get time off. I made the date for a month later.
I felt powerless after my lap as I was so dependent on everyone. I couldn't get hold of my surgen for a follow up and my GP told me that because I'd had my lap the pain I was still having was in my head. Her words exactly. "In your head". I've had counselling for this and have been on so many antidepressants and painkillers I would rattle if they weren't digested!
My partner has a volatile ex who is jealous of me, not only with him but with her daughter. She's a terrible mother, leaving her 5yo to look after her baby while she goes to the shops, not washing her to the point that my step daughter got vaginal thrush. But we can't do anything about it. She chops and changes when we see our girl and my partner can't do a thing about it. We've been to two lawyers, counselling and tried to get a parenting agreement drawn up. He doesn't qualify for legal aid even though he pays for me, his daughter, and all the debts he incurred when he was with his ex (mostly her spending his money).
So my point is that I've beaten depression at least 3 times, Glandular Fever, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and an abusive relationship. Why should I keep fighting against endo, it feels like it's back already and my spirits are going down very fast. I can't get a job because of migraines and period pain (and pain during the rest of the month), my partner is looking after me financially and emotionally most of the time. I have an awesome mum who is there at the drop of a hat with anything I need, and yet I still can't beat this thing....
I'm feeling so frustrated and down, I don't want to be a burden anymore and really can't face up to anything.