brtb
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Posts: 23
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Post by brtb on Oct 18, 2012 13:50:58 GMT -5
I'm so glad I found this board because I can't find anyone in my personal life who can relate. I'm 36 years old with "severe" stage IV endo. I had a lap in Feb 2012. My surgeon said it was the worst she's seen. The surgery was very intense. Three days in the hospital and 2 blood transfusions. However, post-lap I'm feeling great and painfree.
I think the problem is that I feel old and broken. I've been married for 15 years, DH is 43. I've never been pregnant. I feel like my body has failed us.
Our insurance doesn't cover any infertility treatments and we can't afford to do it on our own. IVF is the only option for us and where I live that's about $20K. On the flip side, I wonder that if we can't even afford the treatment could we even afford a baby. I'm so conflicted. I'm a believer that things happen (or don't happen) for a reason. But, at the same time I wonder what is it about us that we aren't blessed with having a baby. All we want is one. Just one.
I have a lot to be happy about, but this does weigh on me a lot.
How do you cope when you're feeling down? How do you afford treatments?
Thanks for reading.
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Post by loveshoes on Oct 18, 2012 15:26:54 GMT -5
Hello!
Well, I can relate. I’m the same age as you are and thought I was diagnosed in Canada 10 years ago, don’t know what my actual stage is but I have a lot of endo that wasn’t removed. I take the pill continual as treatment. I did go off for 1.5 years to try for a baby, I was told we’d never have one as well but I did get pregnant but miscarried at 6 weeks. We chose for my physical health and mental sanity for me to go back on the pill and forget about starting a family. My rationale was a little different than yours, I guess we could afford to try stuff but nothing is ever guaranteed. I have seen too many celebrities who have money to burn struggle and they can afford this stuff. People like Celine Dion, took her 7x with IVF for her 2nd time around to get those twins but how much money did that cost? The average American family can’t afford to try that many times. We decided that we would focus on being happy with our life and the other blessings we have and just look forward. I don’t know where you are at now after surgery, if you are going to treat your endo by taking the pill continual or what your plan is. You can always keep trying – and see what happens. If it’s truly meant to be things can happen. We’ve seen afew members here after having excision surgery they turned up pregnant so it can happen in some cases. I guess there are many ways to look at situations but I just don’t think much about it anymore. Yes, I was sad for awhile and felt like my body let me down but like I said, there are so many positives that I have in my life that I chose to take the attitude that if a baby isn’t something that is going to happen for us, it’s OK. It doesn’t make anyone less of a woman because you don’t have a baby. You can always adopt as well if you feel like that’s something you’re interested in. There are so many that are just tossed to the side waiting for a loving forever home that could be a possibility for you as well. Hang in there. I know sometimes it’s easier said than done but just remember, there are so many people sick with terminal illnesses, and other problems that this really in the big picture isn’t so bad, at least that’s my feeling when I think about my situation in particular. Hang in there! You’ve found a great resource here and we will support you no matter what choices you make! The great thing about this board is there are so many different members and points of view but we all felt lost and alone at some point during the diagnosis or treatment process so we all “get it” and understand the emotional rollercoaster that comes along with it. Sending you a hug!
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Post by semicolon on Oct 18, 2012 21:57:10 GMT -5
Hi there! I'm right there with you, i have had quite a few surgeries but I have not gotten pregnant. I'll be honest, we are still trying for a bit more but will be looking into adoption after that. I feel really hesitant about IVF because I don't feel that it will work with my abnormal anatomy, and I'm not sure I can handle both the expense and disappointment if it didn't work. I'm also hesitant to do the hormones necessary, since I'm only rocking one ovary now and still have some issues. It really hit me a few weeks ago since I'm surrounded by other pregnant people; even though I'm emmensly happy for them it is hard not to feel left out. For us, it is more important to have a family than have our own baby but I know everyone has different hopes and dreams.
Adoption costs money too, but what about a foster-to-adopt option? Not sure if you are interested in that. Adoption is not for everyone, and it's not as easy as it sounds either. I feel like lots of people talk about it like its jogging to the local SPCA and picking out a cat- come on people! In a different note, I'm glad your surgery was so successful! Congrats for that!
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brtb
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Posts: 23
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Post by brtb on Oct 19, 2012 7:27:34 GMT -5
I'm currently not on BCP. We're starting to get in the mentality that if it's meant to be it will happen. I just don't want to put hormones in my body. I'm making changes to my eating habits and taking my vitamins regularly. I've noticed this sad feeling when I get AF and then to add to it I went for my annual exam with my GYN the day I actually started this thread and was surrounded by pregnant women. It just added to my sadness. I'm feeling better now.
Loveshoes - You're so right. I have so much to be thankful for. I had always known something was wrong with me, but the lap confirmed it. DH on the other hand had been in denial before my lap. He really took it hard when we found out my diagnosis. He's better now.
Semicolon - We actually have a dog who is our baby. For me, he fills the void. We're getting a foster puppy today. It does help a little, to have something to take care of. I honestly have not considered adoption. I really don't know if it would be for us.
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Post by loveshoes on Oct 19, 2012 7:43:49 GMT -5
Semi - I had to laugh reading your comment about adoption and people thinking it's like going into a shelter to pick out a cat - too funny but it's so true regarding the expense - my husbands co worker went thru the adoption process and it was the same cost pretty much as IVF and took many years. I’d be so leary about foster to adoption b/c they could take the kid away anytime along the way and it would be so heartbreaking to have that happen, that’s why we decided to just be happy with what we have and that I have my health back and just accept the cards we have been delt. I'm a cat person so I have my fur baby instead! LOL!
Brtb – I understand your decision about no hormones. My personal opinion on treating endo is to suppress the periods, I don’t think it does any good to bleed monthly to just feed the endo to grow again, though yes, it can still grow with various treatment options. I have been very fortunate that with the birth control pill, it completely shuts down my endo so it’s pretty much like I don’t have it, no pain, no other issues but I understand your choice. Hormones aren’t for everyone but I’m beyond thrilled to be using them – it’s basically made the difference between being bed ridden and being as close to normal as you can be.
Keep us updated! Always remember, it’s ok to have a pity party but try not to dwell on it – it’s so easy to sit and feel sorry for ourselves reflecting on what we don’t have, just try to focus on the good things you DO have, for me, that has made a world of difference as well.
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brtb
New Member
Posts: 23
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Post by brtb on Oct 19, 2012 10:34:43 GMT -5
I was on Estrostep for years and it really helped the Endo. I loved it! However, now, since I've had the lap I feel like if I'm not on BCP we still might have the miracle chance of conceiving one month. I might get back on it again at some point.
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Post by semicolon on Oct 19, 2012 16:31:45 GMT -5
I just mention the foster to adopt because it can be less expensive, but yes it can be risky (as is regular adoption, I try not to get worried though). I think the key is finding the right options for you, and yeah Shoes, you do have to be able to love the life you have even if it is not what you thought it would be. My DH is allergic to everything so no furry family me,bets for us unfortunately. We do have some nice dog-in-laws though.
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Post by loveshoes on Oct 19, 2012 18:31:52 GMT -5
brtb I totally understand! Semi - aw, well, dog in laws are good too!! : )
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Post by liliegazer on Oct 20, 2012 10:17:10 GMT -5
I just wanted to say hello and welcome! I am so sorry to read about the problems you've been having. I believe most of us can relate to this. I know I can! It's such a deeply personal decision with regard to trying for children and using different options. It's just really nice to know there are people out there who "get it." You'll find lots of support and understanding here. Hang in there!
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