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Post by mommybell on Jan 21, 2012 22:21:15 GMT -5
After having endo symptoms for over 2 years, I am finally going for my first laparoscopy next Thursday. I am very nervous and hope for an answer to all of the pain that I've been experiencing. One thing that is really starting to bother me though, is family members who think that I am crazy for having the lap. They act as if this is all in my head and that I must just be a hypocondriac. It's very frustrating to me and in a weird way, I truly hope that I have tons of endo just to prove to them that I'm not crazy! (stupid thing to wish - I know!). Did anyone else experience this reaction from friends & family before their 1st lap? My symptoms are severe pain with ovulation, cyclic back pain, cyclic urinary frequency and severe bloating. I have pain before my periods but because I have Mirena, my actual period is quite short. I really believe that endo is what has been causing my problems. I guess I'll find out soon enough!
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Post by omaklackey on Jan 22, 2012 10:44:28 GMT -5
I'm pretty sure my hubby thinks that every time I go for more surgery since I often feel worse after it. I know my sister gave me all kinds of grief because I didn't "take" the hysterectomy but instead did two other surgeries first trying to find out what was wrong and if it could be "fixed" because all the research I did on Hysterectomies scared me off (turns out all the research was right). I think family is just, really, really good about hitting the buttons that make us feel the worst but its your body and only you know how bad it is! So put those words out of your head and trust your gut (pun intended)
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Post by Karen on Jan 22, 2012 13:44:34 GMT -5
I don't think anyone can understand what it's like to be in that much pain and actually WANT surgery. I'm sorry they aren't giving you the support and understanding that you need right now. If they question what you're doing and why, can you flat out ask them that if they can't understand why you're going through with it, can they at least support your decision? Sometimes being blunt with people and telling them what you need snaps them back into reality a bit. Sometimes not, but it's at least worth a shot?
I hope your lap goes well and give you some support in the 'I told you so!' to your friends and family!
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Post by 1234 on Jan 22, 2012 14:07:26 GMT -5
My mother has actually been weirder since my lap and my getting a confirmed diagnosis. She has told me several times that she knew another person who had endometriosis and that perso wasn't in the same amount of pain I'm in and it's all in my head/I'm making it up/etc etc etc. My favorite statement was when she told me "Well, Kristin, you always did make things as hard as possible." It's really hurtful and a bit crazy. I tried to have a conversation about how she was hurting me over the holidays, but she told me that she didn't want to have the conversation because it would upset her. I was a bit nonplussed. So I am sort of at square 1 with her.
It's just one of those things that takes a bit of adjustment--all the people in our lives have to have their own journey in dealing with our being sick, and for me at least I have to keep reminding myself to be generous with my friends and family, and not frustrated at their not respecting my decisions/believing my experience/etc. Every person is at a different place in their willingness and ability to deal with sickness (or many things), and it backfires on the sick person, often.
I'm really glad you're having a lap, and I hope your family backs off. I like Karen's suggestion also. I might steal that phrase.
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Post by hellsbells on Jan 22, 2012 15:08:12 GMT -5
We all get it sweetie, we've all been there. Hopefully they'll be more understanding soon x
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Post by semicolon on Jan 22, 2012 15:13:56 GMT -5
My sister kept joking that I was addicted to surgery after three in one year- she was kidding but I know others were thinking that. It was my choice to be aggressive and not beat around the bush. My mom had difficulty dealing with the fact that my endo specialist was in a smaller town in Maine and there was no one I felt was qualified in Boston, but after he spent 6 hrs the first lap & later removed endo from my diaphragm it quieted her down! It's tough because with a lot of family members you don't feel comfortable talking about the specifics (I hate talking about my period with anyone!) so they can never quite get it. Find some folks who aren't being judgmental and lean on them when others are making you feel crazy!
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Post by samiam on Jan 27, 2012 18:17:19 GMT -5
One thing that has really helped my family understand more since my last surgery was the doctor taking the time to show them pictures of the endo and adhesions, and explaining how it causes pain. A picture's worth a thousand words they say.
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Post by ashleyavenger on May 24, 2012 7:47:11 GMT -5
I got a lot of support from my family and my cousin (whom my mom and aunt are pretty close to along with my cousin's sister in law who has endo as well, so we support each other a lot.) but I've a pretty tough time with friends and coworkers and such. My manager didn't take me seriously til i told him i had a cyst on my right kidney, i tried to tell him that its more of a female problem and he wasn't really getting it so i just blamed it on my kidneys for my pain lol. He even said he didn't believe me until this one day (about a month ago?) i had to go home from work and he was the only one to fill in for the day (which managers hate to do because its annoying cust. service stuff haha) and i could stop crying because i just felt so sick and work was piling up and i couldn't do anything! Anyways Ive had a few episodes like this and my manager started to get pissy that i had to stay home sick. I told him that i didn't like missing work anymore than he did. I liked my 40 hr wk checks believe me!! I don't really ENJOY my job but its nice and the people/co workers are pretty nice and its easy and not minimum wage and pays the bills and such. Ah another example, my best friend of 15 years told me she didn't think it was endo....umm well I'm the one going through this and i know its something serious. and I don't know she would listen and be there for me when i needed to vent but i felt like she never believed me since she said that. It's been frustrating since Ive been in chronic pain since Easter (along with always having painful periods/heavy bleeding) and i just had my lap yesterday and it was endo. I texted everyone who doubted me that i had it haha. it was nice not to feel so freaking crazy! anyways your family is such a strong support system its really a bummer they aren't there for you but we are if you ever need someone to talk to. I'm to the point where i don't want to let this thing take over my life. Message me if you need to talk i know Ive needed to vent a whole bunch since this started. and i feel soo soo lucky to have been diagnosed in 2 months. My cousin went 6 years with stage 4 (terrible want to die pain) and they always told her it was in her head. I found such a great doctor: Dr. Bradley Folkestad. He's literally the best of the best. I live in Phoenix,AZ and I don't know how far anyone is will to travel but i was considering going out of state if he wouldn't help me. Sorry I'm rambling i need some sleep. Good luck dear!
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newsy
New Member
Posts: 11
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Post by newsy on Oct 31, 2012 11:25:49 GMT -5
Make sure you show them the endo pictures from the lap! That shut my family up real fast about me "faking it" Now they go shopping with me for gluten/dairy/soy free groceries & don't turn up their noses nearly as much about my medical use of cannabis products for pain relief. It's really hard to call someone a liar when the evidence is right there in front of their faces!
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