|
Post by Karen on Aug 1, 2011 21:02:59 GMT -5
The bar *melts*, so it's an awesome massage oil but without the oily feel. I'm not THAT kinky with my handy js!
|
|
|
Post by alivenkicking on Aug 2, 2011 11:19:34 GMT -5
thanks for your encouraging words, jenaya!
keep up the sex talk, gals!! so important! i've always been a big sex-positive feminist, studied human sexuality and "deviant" sexual behavior in school, have always been my girlfriends' go-to with sex advice. so good to break it down with each other! which then makes it harder to accept when i look at my boyfriend in bed in the morning and think "i used to look at you, then at the clock, to see if we had enough time for nookie." now if i think of it at all, i just think mayyybe i could pull off a handjob... sad.
BJs and HJs have been my go-tos when not feeling up for full-on sessions and it used to turn me on to pleasure him, but not so much anymore. so i'll do my little thing, he's stoked, and i shrink back when he tries to reciprocate. or, more recently, we're just like effing roommates and *usually* we remember to kiss goodnight before he falls alseep...
i. am. so. sick. of. being. sick.
|
|
|
Post by alivenkicking on Aug 2, 2011 11:20:03 GMT -5
p.s. sorry to bring the tone down after the fun jolly talk...
|
|
|
Post by hellsbells on Aug 2, 2011 12:24:47 GMT -5
No worries - the thread is about coping and advice. Sorry things are a bit tame between you two x
|
|
|
Post by JC on Aug 2, 2011 13:01:05 GMT -5
I totally understand how you feel. I'm the same way. I'm glad we can talk about it here
|
|
|
Post by heryseshta on Aug 14, 2011 0:52:26 GMT -5
I actually started to get pretty bad pain from sex about 4 months ago. Now if I have an orgasm I hurt for a couple days. I think that is one of the most depressing factors right now. Previously I have always had a high sex drive and strangely enough I had a friend with benefits all the time. Strangely enough one person that taught me the most about pain management with my endo is my now ex boyfriend. On our first date I was having a hot flash and when I mentioned lupron he already knew that it was an endo treatment and taught me about stomach massages and stretches. Sadly I doubt I will ever find someone who could be that accommodating with my endo ever again. Right now I have temporarily given up on relationships until I can either change insurance so I can get my hysterectomy or can find another Dr to agree to do it. I am just thinking this as "me" time to learn about me and how to cope with my body's betrayal. I have to admit, I do envy some of you with someone to be able to understand how much this can effect your sex life and is willing to experiment in different ways to make it as painless as possible. You give me some hope.
|
|
|
Post by alivenkicking on Aug 14, 2011 9:44:46 GMT -5
hang onto the hope and the good attitude: time to learn about you, yay! i know it feels like our bodies betray us all the time, but i think it's also important to cultivate a loving acceptance on whatever level you're able to -- a body you look at as a failure or traitor is not one you will likely experience much pleasure in, you know what i mean? i was single with this crap for the longest, and i know that time on my own, learning how to like myself a little more and be a little kinder to myself and my body - i know that is why and how i'm able to be in a healthy relationship now. it sucks, no question, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and until then there is plenty of ways you can help yourself mentally, emotionally, physically. and if you haven't heard it from someone else here, pelvic physical therapists can help with sex pain!
|
|
|
Post by Karen on Aug 14, 2011 10:19:55 GMT -5
Aw, I can sympathize! My sex life was on hold for over 2 years at one point because I was in pain every day, and even THINKING about sex seemed impossible. But pelvic PT SERIOUSLY did wonders for my every day pain, and although my sex life is sporadic at best at the moment, it's not due to pain! Although a hyster is an option, it's not a cure and endo can live on lots of other places than just your uterus/ovaries/tubes...
I guess what I'm trying to say is don't give up on your sex life just yet! Although it may be a bit more difficult to explain during a casual hookup, there ARE ways you can cope with it, deal with it, and improve it!
|
|
|
Post by JC on Aug 14, 2011 10:48:12 GMT -5
I totally understand how you feel! This was the most devastating symptom for me because, like you, I had a really high sex drive. When it first started happening, my husband was NOT understanding at all. It was a really tough time. We worked through it eventually but I swear, if we divorced, I was on a quest to find a man with a tiny penis. I know how hard this is and I really encourage you not to give up.
|
|
|
Post by Heather on Aug 27, 2011 18:57:22 GMT -5
heryseshta, I also used to have a really high sex drive. I don't know if it's the pain or Lupron or just getting older that has calmed it down. I had awful orgasm pain for a while, so bad I was afraid to. My naturopath gave me some things to melt under my tongue and it stopped. Hasn't come back yet (it's been half a year I think). Maybe talk to a naturopath?
On a side note, is that an ackie in your avatar? And is he/she yours?
|
|
|
Post by alivenkicking on Aug 31, 2011 13:28:12 GMT -5
so maybe it's the PT helping already, but my libido has returned, hopefully for good, but i'll take what i can get! i'm posting here (and not in HORNY!) because when i finally declared i was ready to try having sex again after 8+ weeks, i discovered some things that made it possible to truly enjoy that i thought i'd share. before my last surgery my pain came with deep penetration, so certain positions were off limits. lately, though, it seems all due to everything being super duper tight and tense in my whole pelvic area. bf said things don't feel much different to him, which is amazing to me, because i feel like a virgin all over again. so yesterday, right off the bat, i told bf that i was gonna need plenty of warming up, which i haven't always felt so comfortable in vocalizing to him. he was more than happy to oblige! that made all the difference, he got me all turned on and even brought out the vibrator to ensure i had a big ol' orgasm before we went any further. that helped ALOT. since so much of my body is so tight, we were limited as to positions. him on top with my legs pulled to my chest is usually a standby, but it hurts too much to squinch up my insides like that these days. so what worked for me was lying on my side, and most importantly, reminding myself to continue to take deep breaths so i wouldn't tense up from fear. he was really cautious about going too deep, but all in all we both had an awesome time. no marathon session, that's for sure -- any physical exertion is quick to cause pain whether it's sex related or not. when it was all said and done i burst into tears (dudes love that in case you didn't know just with relief after going so long not knowing when if i could have that back, and not having that opportunity to enjoy that level of intimacy with him. i was mildly sore in my abdomen the rest of the day, but it was worth it, and we went on to share a great day together. sorry if all this is TMI, but just in case it helps someone else...
|
|
|
Post by Heather on Aug 31, 2011 13:34:05 GMT -5
alivenkicking that's awesome! I'm so glad for you. Glad you could share too, your info might help the rest of us.
|
|
|
Post by JC on Aug 31, 2011 14:02:25 GMT -5
So awesome to be intimate again! Awwww!!! Glad to hear it went well. Thank you for sharing!
|
|
|
Post by alivenkicking on Aug 31, 2011 14:04:52 GMT -5
thanks, gals!!!!!
|
|
|
Post by Karen on Aug 31, 2011 19:20:26 GMT -5
Woooo hooooooooooo! Back on the saddle, eh? I can imagine your relief and I'm super excited for you! I'm sure your bf was thrilled, too.
|
|